Tournament - Bear Grylls vs. Jason Voorhees

[SSJRuss]

FADE IN:

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM INSIDE ELECTRIC FERRET STUDIOS, UNNAMED METROPOLIS -- NOON

 

Opens on a large mahogany conference table. Six black frame swivel chairs surround the table, four of which are filled with men dressed in white button-up shirts tucked into khakis, the standard for employees of Electric Ferret Studios. They sit in a 18’x12’ room with wooden panel doors, closed.

Camera pans forward and focuses on individual nametags worn on their chests. They read SSJRuss, IKA, DSkillz and Z451 respectfully.

The camera angle changes to the end of the table, where each individual has papers and folders in front of them.

 

SSJRuss:

(To the group)

Thanks for including me in this meeting, fellas.

 

DSkillz rests his elbows on the table. He makes himself comfortable in his chair and looks to SSJRuss to respond.

 

DSkillz:

No problem. We really just needed the extra hands. Mr. Fox would like us to forward these characters to him as soon as possible.

 

Z451 flips through his stack of papers then looks to the group.

 

Z451:

The sheets in front of us are what the algorithm found in the database as 'In Need Of Review'. We need to decide if they meet all the necessary requirements to stay in the database.

 

SSJRuss:

Do you normally do this or is this a new mandate?

 

Z451:

Well, somebody has to. We try to do this each year but we’ve fallen behind. The characters get reviewed upon submission but we never look at them after that.

 

DSkillz:

Have to make sure things don’t fall through the cracks. Anyway, we’ve separated them by category.

 

IKA gathers his sheets into a pile and squares them against the table. He sets them back down. The group then focuses on their own stacks.

The room fills with the sound of turning pages.

 

IKA:

I’ve taken the Games category, but I don’t think there’s much to delete here. I’m sure it’s just broken URLs that need updating.

 

Z451:

(Looking to IKA)

There are probably a few that can be deleted and resubmitted. Make sure you note the ones with misspelled names. Those bother me everytime I see them in the database..

 

SSJRuss:

(Turns page after page, not looking at the group)

Can’t Mr. Fox just edit them without deleting the entire entry?

 

Z451:

Not as far as I’m aware. Oh that does remind me, please note any characters in your piles that don’t belong in that category. We can mark them for re-submission.

 

SSJRuss stops flipping through his sheets and scratches his head. He handles a single sheet in his hand. He chooses his words carefully and inhales. He looks at the group.

 

SSJRuss:

Hey wait, once they get deleted, won’t that mess up our simulation records?

 

DSkillz:

That’s for the boys in the records department to figure out.

 

IKA:

I heard Mr. Fox was just going to wipe the win/loss records anyway. Start fresh for the new year.

 

Z451:

(Looking to IKA)

Unlikely. He'd have to reset the entire simulation department which means he’d have to cut our wages to reflect the rankings. Much easier just to put records into archives and start a new record keeper.

 

SSJRuss lifts the sheet in his hand so the others can see it.

 

SSJRuss:

Why did we flag Bear Grylls for removal?

 

The group put down their files in hand, IKA takes the sheet from SSJRuss to observe closely.

 

DSkillz:

(Shrugging his shoulders)

Probably because he’s a real person and not fictional.

 

SSJRuss:

But I’ve played him in a ‘choose your own adventure’ on Netflix. Bear Grylls is totally a personality.

 

DSkillz:

We can't run simulations on real people. Same reason we don't add actors. It’s EF policy.

 

IKA:

(Looking at the sheet)

He does have a win/loss record, though.

 

SSJRuss:

See, we’ve already run simulations on him. If he shouldn’t be in the database, then Mr. Fox would take him out.

 

Z451:

(Taking the sheet from IKA)

Not necessarily. He may look over a few, but he doesn’t review simulations or character submissions. Mr. Fox doesn’t have time for that. That's why he appointed Callisto as Head of the Simulations Department.

 

SSJRuss:

Well then wouldn’t it be her job to point this sort of stuff out?

 

DSkillz laughs at SSJRuss.

 

DSkillz:

You try telling Callisto what she should and shouldn’t be doing.

 

Z451 tosses the paper back into SSJRuss’s pile. SSJRuss pinches his nose in frustration. He is silent for a moment then leans back in his chair while the others begin flipping through sheets again.

 

SSJRuss:

I have an idea.

 

The group collectively groaned.

SSJRuss leans forward in his chair, picking up Bear Grylls sheet once again.

 

SSJRuss:

If Mr. Fox and Callisto haven’t noticed by now then I don’t think they care. So, no matter who we cut or keep, the department isn’t going to get in any trouble. We can decide right now and make a bet out of it.

 

IKA:

I’m listening.

 

DSkillz and Z451 look at IKA incredulously.

 

Z451:

Seriously?

 

IKA:

I like to gamble, what can I say?

 

SSJRuss:

I’ll run a simulation with Bear Grylls. If he wins, he stays in the database and we agree he belongs.

 

Z451:

(Mocking tone)

And if he loses then none of that matters and we put him in the delete pile like we’re supposed to?

 

SSJRuss:

Yes.

 

Z451:

That’s stupid.

 

DSkillz:

 I’m in.

 

Z451:

(Narrowing eyes)

Seriously?

 

DSkillz:

(Ignores Z451, meets SSJRuss’ eyes)

But he goes up against someone that I choose.

 

SSJRuss:

Okay. Who do you have in mind?

 

DSkillz:

Does it matter? Most of the characters in our simulations could kick his ass. I’ll find one tomorrow. Right now, let’s move on to the rest of our lists. We don't want to be here all night.

 

CUT TO:

INT. SIMULATION FLOOR OF EF STUDIOS -- FOLLOWING DAY, MORNING

SSJRuss enters the room from the elevator. He walks past his co-workers Macklemore and RakaiThwei at the coffee station. They give SSJRuss a polite wave as the camera follows him to his cubicle.

He presses the start button on his computer to boot it up. He stares at a black screen until it turns white. A box appears that reads: Simulations Control Panel.

SSJRuss clicks a drop down menu with the computer mouse and finds Bear Grylls file. He submits him for simulation. A pop up box reads ‘rejected’.

 

SSJRuss:

What the hell?

 

He closes the pop-up and scrolls through the list of current scheduled simulations. He finds one that reads: Bear Grylls versus Jason Voorhees. The administrator listed above reads: DSkillz.

SSJRuss scrolls to view the simulation stipulations.

They read: Environment details: Night-time/Little visible light - Dense fog - Wooden shack containing meat hooks, chains and machetes.

Jason Voorhees Circumstances: Missing arm - Equipped with Machete

Bear Grylls Circumstances: Has a mild cold - Climbing gear - Accompanied by a full grown German Shepherd - Equipped with Bear Grylls Gerber Ultimate Knife.

OMFG comes around the corner and leans into SSJRuss’s cubicle.

 

SSJRuss:

What is going on?

 

OMFG:

I heard you made a fool of yourself in front of the admins.

 

SSJRuss swivels around in his chair to face OMFG who is leaning against the cubicle wall.

 

OMFG:

IKA told us about your bet. The guys in the office figured we should get in on the action so we wrote some stipulations.

 

SSJRuss:

Jason Voorhees though? Bear can’t compete with that!

 

OMFG:

Jason’s record isn’t that impressive. I think it’s a fair fight.

 

SSJRuss:

You gave Bear Grylls a cold!

 

OMFG:

Hey man, that was already in there when I looked at it. I added the bit about the shack with the weapons.

 

SSJRuss:

Dude!

 

The camera pans left to another employee, Confession FPT, who is sitting in his own cubicle and listening in on the conversation between SSJRuss and OMFG.

 

Confession FPT:

I’m pulling for Bear. I added that Jason has one arm and that Bear has a German shepherd with him. I named him--

 

SSJRuss:

(Interrupts Confession FPT from his cubicle off-screen)

Is he trained at all? Like a police dog?

 

The camera zooms in on Confession FPT’s face, he looks at the camera nervously.

 

Confession FPT:

Um. No.

 

SSJRuss:

Thanks, bro. Real help.

 

The camera returns to SSJRuss’s cubicle.

DSkillz, Bergy_Berg and JohnnyChany enter the scene. They stand next to OMFG.

 

DSkillz:

Getting cold feet, Russ? You can back out if you want.

 

SSJRuss:

And let you hold it over my head? Na, fuck the lot of you. I’m gonna prove that Bear Grylls can survive anything.

 

SSJRuss turns back to his computer and clicks ‘start’ on the simulation.

The camera zooms away to overlook the simulation floor. The lights flicker, then go out.

 

DSkillz:

Okay, very funny. Who turned off the lights?

 

SSJRuss gets out of his seat and looks around the room along with the rest of the group. Sunlight enters from the large panel windows, illuminating some of the room. The other employees leave their cubicles to find light switches or flashlights.

Confession FPT rapidly presses the power button on his monitor, but the screen stays black. He flicks the switch of his lamp on and off, on and off, on and off.

No power.

 

Confession FPT:

Computers are down. My lamp isn’t working either.

 

Just as SSJRuss’s eyes began to adjust to the dim lighting, the sunlight outside vanished. The simulation floor is now black as night.

 

RakaiThwei:

Yo, I can’t see!

 

The sound of light switches being flicked on and off filled the room. Nothing happened.

 

OMFG:

You broke the building, Russ.

 

SSJRuss:

Oh, so this is my fault?

 

The shattering of a window pane fills the screen of the camera. A rugged man in his late 30s swings through the now open window, tucking and rolling across the floor. He detaches the rope around his waist.

 

Bergy_Berg:

What the hell? Who is that?

 

The rugged man lets out a cough. The camera zooms in on the man’s face, looking determined and serious.

 

Rugged Man:

Everyone please, stay calm. My name is Bear Grylls, and I’m here to see you to safety!

 

As if on cue, a fully grown german shepherd comes from off-screen to stand next to Bear Grylls.

The camera zooms in on the group of DSkillz, SSJRuss and OMFG. They stumble in the dark, using their hands to feel for walls to guide their way around the room.

 

DSkillz:

What did he say? Is he really--

 

OMFG:

Confession time, I hate the dark. Find a flashlight already!

 

SSJRuss:

I’m looking dude!

 

A flash of light centers on SSJRuss and OMFG. They look to see that Bear Grylls is pointing a flashlight at them.

 

OMFG:

Oh my god, it is him.

 

The camera pulls back to reveal that the simulation room is filled with fog. The height of the fog is just below the waist.

SSJRuss steps closer to Bear Grylls.

 

SSJRuss:

See? I tried to tell ya--

 

The chilling sound of breathing echoes through the room.

SSJRuss looks back at OMFG. Behind him stands Jason Voorhees, illuminated by the flashlight and towering over OMFG

SSJRuss screams as the machete cleaves through his friend’s head.

 

FADE OUT:

 

 

So here we have Bear Grylls vs. Jason Voorhees. Bear will attempt to save everyone he can while also keeping himself alive. The employees of EF Studios are free to help Bear or just run for their lives. The fight starts on the 12th floor of a twenty-five stories tall building. Jason is looking to kill everyone, naturally.

As stated, Bear has a mild cold, a dog, his knife and his usual gear with him. Jason is missing one arm, but has his machete.

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Bear Grylls
Read more about Bear Grylls at Wikipedia
Official Site: The Discovery Channel Links: Wikipedia Bear Grylls Man vs. Wild Discovery

Jason Voorhees
Read more about Jason Voorhees at Wikipedia
Official Site: Newline Cinema Links: Wiki - Jason Voorhees Camp Blood Friday the 13th - The Website

[RakaiThwei]

Which Jason is this are we talking?

Living Jason? Or Zombie Jason?

If the latter.... Jason wins.

[SSJRuss]

4 minutes ago, RakaiThwei said:

Which Jason is this are we talking?

Living Jason? Or Zombie Jason?

If the latter.... Jason wins.

Zombie Jason, because he's lacking an arm.

[RakaiThwei]

5 minutes ago, SSJRuss said:

Zombie Jason, because he's lacking an arm.

Yeah. Jason wins then..

And I think Bear Grylls has been exposed as a survivalist fraud.

[Venom 2009]

Bear will win because Venom 2009 will be there to save the day.

[SSJRuss]

26 minutes ago, Venom 2009 said:

Bear will win because Venom 2009 will be there to save the day.

That is probably legit lol. I didn't have space to mention everybody but you're certainly there.

I'm not sure how well you deal with the dark though 😂

[Venom 2009]

2 hours ago, SSJRuss said:

That is probably legit lol. I didn't have space to mention everybody but you're certainly there.

I'm not sure how well you deal with the dark though 😂

Lucky for me, I have night vision goggles.

[SSJRuss]

Just like in the set-up, I'm pulling for Bear Grylls. He has no chance of killing Jason, but I think he gets away. Maybe even make it out with a few of us that actually listened to him lol.

Bear has a lot at his disposal and knows how to use everyday items for survival. That would come in handy even in urban areas. The elevator would probably be out, but he could use the stairs to reach the main floor, open the front door, and get the hell out of there. A lot of distractions/people to kill will slow Jason down and make survival even easier.

[JohnnyChany]

I wasn't too sure about this when I first started reading it, but I was quickly drawn in. I appreciate the creativity in both the content and the presentation of the set-up. Great job.

This ends when Bear Grylls stops to explain why he has chosen a particular escape route as the best way forward and why it's better than the other possible escape routes. During this explanation, Jason lops off his head. 

 

[SSJRuss]

9 hours ago, JohnnyChany said:

I wasn't too sure about this when I first started reading it, but I was quickly drawn in. I appreciate the creativity in both the content and the presentation of the set-up. Great job.

This ends when Bear Grylls stops to explain why he has chosen a particular escape route as the best way forward and why it's better than the other possible escape routes. During this explanation, Jason lops off his head. 

 

Glad you liked it all the same.

And I guess if this was an episode of Man vs Wild, yeah, Bear would die lol

[Fox]

That was pretty frickin' funny.  THis had me chuckling through my morning coffee.

It reminds me of the Cabin in the Woods with the workers in the control room setting up the matches.

Totally entertained by this match.

Yes, I need to build some Admin tools.  See, I'm working on it - there's just nothing there yet.

 

Anyways, very sorry that you're all gonna die but Jason wins. 

[DSkillz]

Heh, heh, very nice entry, Russ. I especially appreciate that you let one individual's charisma in particular shine.  One minor nitpick, though; Bear is actually well into his forties.

On 10/24/2020 at 12:06 PM, Fox said:

Anyways, very sorry that you're all gonna die but Jason wins.

Correction; while Jason does indeed turn Grylls and most of our esteemed staff into fine cutlets, but as with the Godzilla/Ultraman80 match, I'll pretty sure I'll survive.

Now, let us take a moment to commemorate our now-departed colleague, OMFG. Yes, he was certainly a young man that showed a lot of poten --

Ooh, wait, is that devil's food cake?

*eagerly cuts out a huge slice for himself*

Mmm, mmm ... now what was I saying?

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
CBUB Match Judge : 3 Stars x 2
CBUB Member : Join date after Dec. 31 2019. Not counted.
CBUB Match Judge : 4 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 4 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 5 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 5 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 5 Stars x 2

FPA Calculation:
6 + 4 + 2 + 0 + 0 = 12 Total Votes
( (6 * 5) + (4 * 4) + (2 * 3) + (0 * 2) + (0 * 1) ) = 52 Total Stars Score
52 / 12 = 4.33 Total Rating

MATCH SCORE
Bear Grylls: 4
Jason Voorhees: 9

[SSJRuss]

On ‎10‎/‎26‎/‎2020 at 12:41 AM, DSkillz said:

One minor nitpick, though; Bear is actually well into his forties.

I noticed that. Tried to help him out with putting him in his prime. Don't know if that came across.

10 hours ago, Callisto said:

MATCH SCORE
Bear Grylls: 4
Jason Voorhees: 9

Not that it did him any good.

Y'all keep getting us killed. Though, it wasn't a complete wash so I suppose a few of us survived to work another day.

On ‎10‎/‎24‎/‎2020 at 1:06 PM, Fox said:

That was pretty frickin' funny.  THis had me chuckling through my morning coffee.

It reminds me of the Cabin in the Woods with the workers in the control room setting up the matches.

Totally entertained by this match.

I'm so glad you liked it. I hadn't thought of the similarity, but you're right, totally the same vibe. I imagine the characters/employees reset after each of these. Maybe I could more in the future? Time will tell.

I actually had a funny bit with your character Mr. Fox in the first draft. They say in the beginning you don't look at the simulations, so I had this bit where when they started the sim, you come down the elevator and say "Who just put Bear Grylls in a simulation?" or something like that. It was funny but distracted from the story. Sorry you had to get cut, maybe next time lol