Match 15299 The Flying Nun vs. The Wizard Of Oz

[Nate86]

“This program is brought to you in technicolor.”

 

“This week on The Flying Nun! Tornadoes! Strange new worlds! And unions! Join us for another fun filled adventure on... THE FLYING NUN!”

 

The camera opens on a shot of dark storm clouds and despairing music. Just then a streak of white robes flies past the screen! Triumphant music begins to play as we follow our hero, The Flying Nun, into the storm.

 

TFN: “Geez! What a storm! I hope that nobody gets swept up!”

 

Just then we see two children huddled under a tree. Panning up quickly we see a tornado barreling down on them.

 

TFN: “OH NO!”

 

In a downward trajectory she hurdles towards the children, debris flying all around her. Harrowing string music plays as gusts of wind threaten to throw her off balance. The children look up to see their savior.

 

Child: “Look! It’s The Flying Nun! We’re sav-“

 

The tree and the children are swept up by the tornado as The Flying Nun closely follows them with her eyes.

 

TFN: “Well sister... here goes nothing!”

 

She does a barrel roll and as she loops upward launches herself into the tornado. Bits of homes and farms are flying all around her. There’s screaming coming from somewhere as she twists around in the tornado. As the camera does a tight zoom on a tree we see the children clinging to it, rolling through the vast chasm of the tornado.

 

Children: “Help us!!!”

 

The Flying Nun steadies herself and allows her cornette to catch the updraft and lift her towards the children. Getting dangerously close to the top of the tornado The Flying Nun wraps her arm around one child, not seeing the other.

 

TFN: “Where is your sibling!?”

 

Peeking out from the tree branches the other child makes themselves apparent to The Flying Nun.

 

Child: “I’m up here Ms. Nun! Hiding from the debris!”

 

*Laughtrack*

 

The Flying Nun grimaces and grabs the kid’s hand. Just then they’re ejected from the tornado.

 

TFN: “Hang on, kids!”

 

With both children under her arms The Flying Nun descends on the earth. Her eyes squint and we see with her that there’s a lake up ahead. Starting to lose her balance she and the children wobble and then tumble just before they land in the lake. They fall out of view of the camera as it holds steady on the skyline and with a great big “SPLASH!” the camera shakes vigorously. Cut to looking at The Flying Nun and the kids in the water.

 

Child: “Wow Ms. Nun! I guess you’re The Swimming Nun now!”

 

*Laughtrack*

 

TFN: “Come on kids! Let’s find a safe spot!”

 

As they pull themselves from the water The Flying Nun’s cornette droops, all wet and unstarched.

 

TFN: “Oh dear. And I just got it back from the cleaners!”

 

*Laughtrack*

 

Child: “Look Ms. Nun! The tornadoe’s coming back our way!”

 

We see the tornado. Coming back their way. With a closeup on her face The Flying Nun squints and searches for safety.

 

TFN: “Look there!”

 

She points at a barn just ahead.

 

Child: “I don’t wanna hide in some stinky barn.”

 

*Laughtrack*

 

TFN: “Oh come on!”

 

The three of them run to the barn, the tornado bearing down on it from the other direction.

 

Child: “Will we be ok in there!?”

 

TFN: “Better there than out here!”

 

They reach the barn and The Flying Nun opens the door. Ushering the children in quickly she goes to follow them. A hay bale swoops up from the force of the tornado and takes The Flying Nun with it.

 

Child: “No! Ms. Nun!”

 

She’s knocked out cold, twisting and spinning every which way. We get a closeup of her resting face and we fade to black. Commercial break.

 

When we return The Flying Nun awakes on a yellow path. Her cornette missing, she lifts her head drearily. Looking up at the unfamiliar surroundings she slowly lifts herself up and dusts herself off.

 

TFN: “Looks like I took a wrong turn somewhere.”

 

In the absence of a laughtrack she pauses and then shakes it off and wanders forward. Looking about for her cornette. She comes across a fountain. It’s turned off with a sign over it.

 

DECOMMISSIONED

 

There’s a few small houses. Their windows are broken, a few of them burnt. Linens, clothes, blankets, and other various household things litter the front yards of most houses.

 

TFN: “Where am I? What happened here?”

 

She stops and looks around at the houses. Clasping the sides of her hands to her mouth she screams out.

 

TFN: “HELLO!? ANYBODY HERE!?”

 

?: “Keep yer voice down!”

 

The Flying Nun observes the surrounding houses. Looking for somebody to appear. Just then she notices a little person in a window. He’s gesturing for her to come inside. She approaches cautiously. Once inside he slams the door, furious.

 

Little Man: “You trying to get yourself killed!?”

 

TFN: “Of course not! What are you talking about?”

 

Little Man: “I’m talking about how they can see you!”

 

TFN: “Who can see me?”

 

Little Man: “What do you mean who? THE FLYING MONKEYS! That’s who!”

 

*Laughtrack*

 

TFN: “Flying monkeys? Now I’m even more confused!”

 

*Laughtrack*

 

The Little Manpauses for a moment and looks The Flying Nun up and down.

 

Little Man: “You’re not from around here, are ya?”

 

TFN: “No! Last I remember I was flying in the tornado-“

 

Little Man: “Oh dear. You’re just like her.”

 

TFN: “Like who?”

 

Little Man: “I’ll make us some food. This will take awhile.”

 

*Soft piano music plays. We go to commercial.*

 

When we return the two characters are sitting at a table eating strange purple and blue chicken with their hands. They’re in mid conversation.

 

TFN: “So this girl Dorothy also arrived by tornado?”

 

Little Man: “Yes! She demanded she be returned home! We told her only Oz The Great And Powerful could grant her such a wish so she went on an adventure and actually got to him against all odds. Now you’ve got to understand Oz had quite a bit of power! His every move shifted the market, certain parts of our economy were generated by his grand Emerald City.”

 

TFN: “He does sound great and powerful!”

 

Little Man: “So we thought. Turns out it was all a ruse. He was just a man operating machinery behind a curtain. He wasn’t as powerful as we had thought. People in his employ felt bamboozled. Suddenly they didn’t know what to do and in a crisis of self fulfillment and personal morals his entire staff quit. The economy of Emerald City went bust and it had a ripple effect all the way out to here. Some people wandered to Quadling Country. Some to The Vinkus. People have families to feed. I don’t blame them. As for anyone who stayed in Oz it’s just poverty stricken now.”

 

TFN: “That’s just so sad. Why hasn’t anyone done anything?”

 

Little Man: “Nobody has any good ideas. My God I mean we lived in a system based on a sham! Worse even, once he was exposed he tried to flee and put some Scarecrow in charge of the city! I mean, what job qualification does he have!? Anyways, his balloon he tried leaving in crashed almost immediately so he returned to the kingdom, a retiree. When people lost faith The Scarecrow stepped down and Oz took charge again. The damage was already done though and Oz fell into a depression like the rest of us. I will give it to him though, despite pulling the wool over our eyes... he’s still the best damn mind this place has ever known.”

 

The Little Man sat back and dropped his blue chicken on his plate looking upset at the overwhelming memories he was finally dredging up again. The Flying Nun carefully brought up a question.

 

TFN: “I’m sorry for what you’ve been through but I have to get home too... is Oz the only person-“

 

Little Man: “Yes.”

 

The Little Man sat staring at his feet.

 

TFN: “I must get there then!”

 

She stood up and The Little Man’s head snapped up.

 

Little Man: “No! You mustn’t leave! The Flying monkeys... their employer was killed by Dorothy and now they fly around, tearing people apart! There’s one left, The Overseer, who keeps Emerald City safe for Oz, but he’s the only sane one left. If you could even call him that. I was a member of a guild... my two best friends were the other members. One left for work. The other stayed here.”

 

TFN: “Well where is he?”

 

The Little Man had tears in his eyes.

 

Little Man: “Torn apart. Before my very eyes. I stood by and did nothing. They feasted on him all night.”

 

The Flying Nun approached the door.

 

TFN: “I’m sorry but I must brave them. I have to get home. Thank you for the food...”

 

She lingered where his name should be in her sentence.

 

Jerry: “Jerry.”

 

TFN: “Thank you, Jerry. Now how do I get to Emerald City?”

 

Jerry looked wistfully at The Flying Nun and smirked as he spoke.

 

Jerry: “Follow The Yellow Brick Road.”

 

*Commercial break*

 

When we return The Flying Nun is walking the yellow path. Still without her cornette.

Ducking behind a fence she watches as a flying monkey surveys the area, breathing heavily and rabid he quickly leaves.

 

Coming up from her hiding spot she notices a glint in the tall grass ahead of her. Straying just slightly from the yellow bricks she sees a metal hand sticking up.

 

TFN: “Hello?”

 

As she approaches she sees it’s a man made of tin. Half his face is rusted out and she notices his other hand is stuck reaching for something. Dorothy wades through the grass and we see a small oil dispenser. There’s just enough to apply it to his face. He slowly moves his face until resting on hers, his one good, un-rusted eye relaxes as he sees her.

 

Tinman: “Somebody came for me. Please oil my legs so I can stand!”

 

TFN: “I’m afraid this is all that was left.”

 

Tinman: “Damn.”

 

He bites his lip.

 

Tinman: “I knew this would happen! All the oil is dried up or too expensive from rising prices... I wish Dorothy had never come here.”

 

TFN: “You knew Dorothy?”

 

Tinman: “Very well. Herself, The Scarecrow, The Lion, and I exposed Oz and changed the course of history. Some things are better left alone.”

 

TFN: “Where are The Lion and The Scarecrow?”

 

Tinman: “Well The Scarecrow gained a brain so for a time he tried to assemble a resistance but it was ultimately doomed by the flying monkeys . Now he does freelance work in cornfields. The Lion though... earned bravery. On the way out of Emerald City we were surrounded by ten flying monkeys. We were sure enough dead but The Lion jumped at them. They took his life as he saved ours... what a brave soul...”

 

The Flying Nun pauses and her face twists. Trying not to cry.

 

TFN: “I’ll find The Scarecrow and have him come to you.”

 

Tinman: “No!”

 

The Flying Nun pauses and looks at him. He has a regretful longing in his eyes.

 

Tinman: “There’s a cloth just behind you.”

 

The Flying Nun turns around and spots a cloth in the tall grass.

 

TFN: “What’s in it?”

 

Tinman: “My axe... please I gained a heart. I experienced life coursing through me. I had a kindness to me, and could feel the beating of it. Now I must experience the end of it... please. Extend that kindness back to me.”

 

The Flying Nun turns around and unravels the axe. It’s unburdened by time or rust. Silver and glinting sharply in the light she turns to The Tinman. He looks up at her and she knows he means it. He finds a mutuality in her eyes. Closing his, he speaks his departing words.

 

Tinman: “Thank you.”

 

From a distance we see The Flying Nun lift the axe and bring it down in the tall grass. A soft thud of metal on metal and birds flying out of the grass upon hearing the sound. Followed by a flapping of wings.

 

*Commercial break*

 

When we return we’re watching from over The Scarecrow’s shoulder, viewing The Flying Nun from over ears of corn, walking along the path carrying an axe over her shoulder. The path drops off abruptly to a small hill on her other side.

 

Scarecrow: “Ahem.”

 

The Flying Nun turns to view the Scarecrow.

 

Scarecrow: “You’re headed there aren’t you?”

 

He nods in the direction of Emerald City now visible, only a few miles away.

 

TFN: “Why yes I am. You must be the much bandied about Scarecrow.”

 

Scarecrow: “The one and only.”

 

We finally get a full frontal shot of the Scarecrow. Nailed to a crucifix in the middle of the cornfield. Most of the corn is dying or dead.

 

TFN: “I’m trying to get home.”

 

Scarecrow: “No you’re not.”

 

TFN: “Yes I am.”

 

Scarecrow: “No you’re not. I have a brain now which entitles me to be quizzical and you want to save Oz.”

 

The Flying Nun stares at him for a moment. Finally breaking her eye contact she addresses him slightly irked.

 

TFN: “Ok. How’d you know?”

 

The Scarecrow smirks.

 

Scarecrow: “You have that same determined look that she did. I’ve been waiting for somebody to save us. This is my chance to help save the city I once couldn’t. I’ve been up here for ages. The monkeys can’t eat me so they come and mock me. They think I’m up here against my will but no. I’m up here for them. You know what they say about the overseer? He’s just another flying monkey but because Oz picked him people think he’s special. Oz still has that sort of authority for some reason.”

 

The Scarecrow pulls a single match from under his hat. The Flying Nun views the dying crops and begins to add things up.

 

TFN: “Oh my God. You’ve hidden some sort of explosive under here.”

 

Scarecrow: “Very good.”

 

Wings zip past The Scarecrow, startling him as he drops his match.

 

Scarecrow: “No!”

 

The Flying Nun gets tackled by a flying monkey. He pins her down and she sees his face. Bloodshot eyes, a foaming mouth, jagged, sharp teeth. He lunges at her but she holds the handle of the axe firmly between them, keeping his gnashing teeth at a distance. As she begins to feel her grip slipping a streak comes from the sky and kicks the flying monkey over the small hill. Jerry stands triumphant with The Flying Nuns cornette on his head.

 

TFN: “Jerry! You saved me!”

 

Jerry: “No. You saved me. Your determination... It’s something I hadn’t seen in so long I forgot how to fight for what’s mine. I decided to help you and here I am! Just in time too!”

 

The Scarecrow looks over his shoulder.

 

Scarecrow: “Umm guys?”

 

The Flying Nun and Jerry look out past the cornfield to see a dark cloud of flying monkeys headed towards them. The Scarecrow begins flailing around.

 

Scarecrow: “My match! I need that match!”

 

Jerry places The Flying Nuns cornette back on her head.

 

Jerry: “There’s no way into that city without the overseer catching you. Defeat him. He’s skilled but so are you. Just another flying monkey to get through! More importantly get Oz off his ass! He needs to believe in himself!”

 

TFN: “What about you Jerry?”

 

Jerry: “Sorry. This is my last stop on The Yellow Brick Road.”

 

Jerry pushes The Flying Nun down the hill and rushes to the cornfield.

 

The Flying Nun tumbles to the bottom, losing the axe on the way. With two brokers wings the flying monkey rushes her. Pivoting left and jumping clear over the monkey with the help of her coronette she retrieves the axe. Going berserk and sprinting at her, The Flying Nun closes her eyes and swings wildly. Feeling contact she opens her eyes and sees the flying monkey writhing in pain, bleeding, until he slows and dies.

 

Up in the cornfield we see the flying monkeys descending on The Scarecrow in a downward spiral. He’s in the eye of the storm. A flying monkey lifts Jerry from the ground, match in hand. They begin tearing at his flesh. He screams in agony, waiting for the window. Then it happens. Just above The Scarecrow he drops the match down. The Scarecrow catches it and swipes it on his crucifix.

 

Scarecrow: “FOR OZ!”

 

Jerry: “FOR OZ!”

 

A large explosion erupts and a flying monkey comes right at the camera, blacking it out.

 

*Commercial Break*

 

When we return The Flying Nun stands in the smoky ruins, axe in hand. She sees bits of the splintered wood from the crucifix, pieces of the ground torn apart, bits of singed hay. A gust of wind billows up behind her, lifting her into the air. It picks up speed and she charges towards The Emerald City, her axe poised for battle. In the distance she can make out a fluttering figure.

 

TFN: “FOR OZ!”

 

The screen freezes on that frame and a voice over comes in.

 

“WILL THE FLYING NUN DEFEAT THE FINAL FLYING MONKEY!? WILL SHE CONVINCE OZ TO RISE UP!? CAN OZ EVER BE THE PLACE IT USED TO BE!? FIND OUT NEXT WEEK ON... THE FLYING NUN!”

[Callisto]

Learn More About
The Flying Nun
Read more about The Flying Nun at Wikipedia
Official Site: ABC Links: Wikipedia

The Wizard Of Oz
Read more about The Wizard Of Oz at Wikipedia
Official Site: Warner Bros. Links: Wikipedia Oz Wikia Halcyon

[patrickthekid]

Matches like these is why I love this sight. Only in CBUB where you can see a flying nun fight a flying monkey. With that said, she has a lot of issues with flying in combat due to her depending on a lot of factors to do so.

Still, if she defeated most of the flying monkeys, I think she candle this one.

[JohnnyChany]

I have heard of the Flying Nun, but I have never seen the Flying Nun. My Sally Field awareness started with Homeward Bound/Mrs. Doubtfire. But, seeing as how the setup is constructed as an episode of her show I have full confidence she will come out on top.

I really am enjoying the wide variety of sources you are drawing from for your mathces.

[Culwych1]

50 minutes ago, JohnnyChany said:

I have heard of the Flying Nun, but I have never seen the Flying Nun. My Sally Field awareness started with Homeward Bound/Mrs. Doubtfire. But, seeing as how the setup is constructed as an episode of her show I have full confidence she will come out on top.

I really am enjoying the wide variety of sources you are drawing from for your mathces.

Echo these exact comments. An enjoyable read and enjoy the random characters!

[DSkillz]

Heh, interesting set-up, Nate. From what I've heard about the Flying Nun, she seemed about as wholesome as the other ladies that wear her cloth. She kinda took a dark turn in this story, though.  

As for the match, I guess she'll be able to take down that last flying monkey with this edge she appears to have suddenly picked up. Besides, as terrifying as the flying monkeys were often played up to be in the Oz stories, etc., they never seemed particularly threatening to me.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

RATINGS SCORE: 3.75
0 regular members rated the match.
4 CBUB Match Judges rated the match.

MATCH SCORE
The Flying Nun: 5
The Wizard Of Oz: 3