Tournament - Bender vs. Rachel Green

[Bergy_Berg]

               “Good news everyone!” The professor entered the Planet Express common room in high spirits.

               Bender let out a loud, flaming belch. “This better not be like your last piece of good news. You know, the one that ended with Fry and Amy temporarily fused by their scalps.”

               “I washed my hair 10 times since then and I still can’t get rid of all his dandruff,” Amy says, her face contorting into a disgusted grimace.

               “You should try peanut butter, I hear that works,” Fry pipes in.

               “No, no. Nothing that ends with anyone connected in ways they don’t want. At least, that shouldn’t happen… No, I think you’ll find this good news to be good news, everyone. The attractive young friends who moved into the building across the street have agreed to come over for Thanksgiving today.”

               As the professor finishes his explanation the door whooshes open and 6 friends walk in.

               “Hi, thanks for having us,” the woman with dark hair attempts to introduce the group. “It’s really nice to- Ah, Ah, ACHOO!”

               “Are you feeling OK Monica?” the man next to her says, putting his arm around her shoulder.

               “Sniff. Yeah Chandler, I’m fine. Just a little sneeze. Anyway, I’m Monica. This is my husband Chandler, my brother Ross, and my friends Rachel, Joey, and Phoebe.”

               “Introduced last, I see where I stand,” Phoebe interjects. “Well, we’ll see how you feel when you get picked last to play Turkeystuffers later.”

               Chandler looks at Phoebe quizzically. “And what, pray tell, is Turkeystuffers?”

               “Oh wouldn’t you like to know,” she responds with a smile.

               The professor ushers the Friends in towards the table. “This is the Planet Express team. I’m sure from the descriptions I gave you’ll be able to tell who’s who.”

               Phoebe walks over to Dr. Zoidberg. “Aw, you must be Amy. The professor said you were pretty, but I didn’t think you would be this pretty.”

               “Why, thank you young lady.” Zoidberg turns to the rest of his colleagues. “No one correct her, or else!” His frill stands straight up as he finishes talking.

               “Fry,” the Professor says, “when will Elzar be here to prepare dinner?”

               Fry takes out his phone. “Let me check… Let’s see, I asked him to be here around… 10 minutes ago. And his response was ‘Hell no I’m not coming to cook your Thanksgiving dinner.’ Huh, guess I should have read his response sooner. I assumed when I told him he could keep the leftovers that would be enough payment for him.”

               “Makes perfect sense to me,” Joey says. “But now who’s gonna make dinner? It’s Thanksgiving and I’m in my stretchy pants, someone better get cooking.”

               “Don’t worry Joey,” Monica says. “You are friends with a chef, remember? Professor, where are your-Ah, ah, AAACHOOOO!!” Monica lets out another Titanic sneeze.

               “I don’t like the sound of those sneezes,” Leela says. She pulls out a small laser emitting tool. “Here, let me scan you.” The machine lays out a grid over Monica’s face, beeps a few times, and comes back with a reading. “Hmmm, Covid-19,0000. That can’t be good.”

               “Oh, it’s perfectly safe,” Professor Farnsworth reassures her. “The Covid viruses stopped being contagious after we switched away from 5G. It’s actually a bit of a mystery how Monica here has it.”

               “See guys, not contagious. Sniff. So, where’s the food? I’ll start cooking.”

               “It’s in the fridge over there,” the Professor points towards the kitchen. “Though I should warn you, the Covid viruses are no longer contagious, but they do make the infected very susceptible to combustion. The gas grill may be a bit of a risk.”

               “Then who the hell is making dinner!?” Joey demands, slamming silverware onto the table.

               In unison, Bender and Rachel speak up. “I can make it!” The two glare at each other.

               “Look lady, this is my company and that’s my kitchen. I’ll be making dinner.”

               “Rachel, why don’t you let the robot cook?” Ross pleads. “We all remember your, um, interesting take on a trifle.” The rest of the Friends gang nod their heads in agreement.

               “No, no,” Leela says. “She can take care of it. After all Bender, you don’t want to work on Thanksgiving, do you?”

               “Nonsense,” Bender responds. “I would love to show off my culinary expertise to our new neighbors. Besides, I can get this dinner done in 20 minutes.”

               Joey perks up at the claim. “20 minutes? LET THE ROBOT COOK!”

               “No, Joey. I can handle this.” With that, Rachel marches towards the kitchen.

               “I’ll show you human. I’m gonna cook the crap outta Thanksgiving.”

               “That’s what we’re afraid of,” Amy sighs.

               “Do you folks know any places that will deliver?” Chandler asks. The sound of crashing and burning soon starts to emanate from the Planet Express kitchen. “I have a feeling we may be ordering in for dinner.”

 

 

Bender Bending Rodriguez and Rachel Green are locked in a culinary battle for the ages. Which of these terrible self-described amazing cooks will win the day?

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Bender
Read more about Bender at Wikipedia
Official Site: FOX Broadcasting Company Links: Bender Wiki Entry Futurama Encyclopedia-Bender The Futurama Point: Bender

Rachel Green
Read more about Rachel Green at Wikipedia
Official Site: Warner Bros. Television Links: Wikipedia Friends Wiki Friends

[Boratz]

It was pretty funny and odd match up, but certainly creative... I really haven't seen either show, except a couple episodes here and there of both. I think from what little I've seen, Rachael was a pretty bad cook but her friends seem to put on a face. I think she may win because I think people would put in a face for her, whereas with Bender they may be brutally honest.

[Culwych1]

Hahaha, I like it! Good characterisation,  and the dialogue flowed quite nicely. You can "hear" them saying exactly all that. Innovative and fun,  well done.

Honestly haven't a clue who would win, or quite what the criteria for winning even is, but not sure that even matters here. I think Rachel is most likely to cook something at least consumable by a human (albeit disgusting), whereas Bender may well throw some bolts or oil or detergent in there; so handing this to Rachel.

Nice one! 

[Fox]

Super entertaining.  And super relevant to Thanksgiving!  Nice holiday entry.

I foresee a Kentucky Fried Chicken run in their future.  Me personally, I'd already be out the door and on the way to the Colonel's.

Thanks for the fun read!

[DSkillz]

Good entry, Bergy. I haven't watched much of Friends or Futurama, but after looking up both Bender and Rachel, I'd have to conclude that Rachel just might be less likely to get people sick -- or worse -- with her cooking. Still, as Fox mentioned, someone might end ordering takeout in the end instead.

[SSJRuss]

Though I haven't watched Friends, I'd rather not eat any of Bender's food. Think I'll go with Rachel on this one.

[Bergy_Berg]

Rachel makes food that tastes like feet, and Bender makes poison but might lace it with LSD.

Hard choice here.

[Fox]

18 minutes ago, Bergy_Berg said:

Rachel makes food that tastes like feet

 

Hannibal Lecter Approves!

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
Peypeypeypey - CBUB Match Judge : 3 Stars x 2
patrickthekid - CBUB Match Judge : 4 Stars x 2
Fox - CBUB Match Judge : 4 Stars x 2
DSkillz - CBUB Match Judge : 4 Stars x 2

FPA Calculation:
0 + 6 + 2 + 0 + 0 = 8 Total Votes
( (0 * 5) + (6 * 4) + (2 * 3) + (0 * 2) + (0 * 1) ) = 30 Total Stars Score
30 / 8 = 3.75 Total Rating

MATCH SCORE
Bender: 2
Rachel Green: 5