Tournament - Steve Urkel vs. Deep Space Nine Crew

[leroypowell3]

It had been quiet lately. That meant that The Dominion was planning something big. No one could guess what that something was so beyond standing vigilance, there was nothing anyone could do but wait for the attack.

Captain Benjamin Sisko studied the battle logs. His intent was to analyze the Federation victories and learn what worked. Most likely they wouldn’t work again, but he would also know what the Dominion would be expecting.

The peace and quiet was nice but he had instructed the DS9 crew to come in something needed his attention. Lieutenant Commander Worf did just that.

Instantly he could feel the Klingon’s anger.

“Captain. There a problem.”

“What’s wrong, Mr. Worf?”

“This new cadet- Urkel.” He said the name with such vile that Sisko became concerned.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“I think he is a spy.”

Sisko almost came out of his chair. His hands were already in position to push himself up. “That’s a serious accusation. I hope you have some evidence.”

Worf stiffened. His fists clenched over and over. “Sir, there is no way anyone is capable of such… buffoonery.”

“Go on.” said Sisko.

“I can’t explain it. I spent two minutes with him and I want to kill him.”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to do better than that Mr. Worf. Killing fellow Starfleet personnel is unacceptable.”

In came Jadzia Dax. “Benjamin, this Urkel guy has gotta go!”

Sisko glared at her.

“Do you know who I’m talking about?” she wondered.

“I’ve heard about him yes.” He eyed the teeth-grinding Worf.

“He snorts!” Dax smarted.

“Snorts?”

“Snorts!” Dax demonstrated the sound.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“It’s annoying!” Both Dax and Worf said together.

“Well I’m sure he can’t help it.” Sisko leaned back indicating his dismissal of their feelings.

“It’s a part of the act.” declared Worf.

Dax whirled to face him. “Is that what you think? It’s and act?”

“Yes. He is clearly here to disrupt our effectiveness.”

“Mr. Worf believes he is a spy.” Sisko clarified Worf’s accusation.

Dax pondered the charge. “That would explain some things.”

“As I told the captain, it is impossible that this man could be this infuriating. Clearly something sinister is at play.”

Now came Odo.

“Captain Sisko! This new arrival is a menace!”

“Are you talking about..?”

“Cadet Urkel!” snarled Odo. “He started a dance party in the commons area! People began wearing their trousers up to their armpits! It’s an atrocity!”

“Take a breath Constable.” Siskso said calmly.

“This Urkel fellow can not stay on this station! He must be reassigned!”

‘The whole crew is against him.’ Sisko thought to himself.

Next came Major Kira Nerys. “Captain have you met this new guy Urkel?”

“What is your problem with him?” the weariness blended with his question.

“He keeps getting in the way. He’s supposedly trying to help but…”

“He’s making things worse!” Dax, Odo and Worf said together.

Sisko rose to his feet. “Alright that’s enough all of you! While you’re in here whining about a new cadet, you are not doing you duties! Get back to your tasks and leave this man be!”

“But...” Dax began.

“But nothing! If the lot of you can’t handle a green cadet how are you going to defeat the Dominion?”

The senior Deep Space Nine crew exited, just as the doors were closing he could hear them begin to exchange complaints.

How could a young cadet rattle the crew this way? He was about to request Urkel’s file log on the computer but then he thought maybe it would be a better idea if he went to see the man in person.

“Computer, locate Cadet Urkel!” he commanded.

The speakers chirped and DS9’s monotonous voice answered promptly.

“Cadet Urkel is in engineering.”

A bit unsure of what he would find, Sisko hesitated. But if his senior crew all had a problem with him he’d better check this guy out.

As soon as the door opened, yelling welcomed him.

“Get out of here! Get out!”

That was Chief O’Brian. Everyone else was staring in certain direction so Sisko looked there. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

An enraged Miles O’Brian- waving a phaser as if it were a butcher knife in front of a skinny youth. This had to be Urkel.

Upon spotting him the first thing to affront Sisko’s mind was ‘why is he wearing suspenders?’

On top of that, his pants were pulled up to his chest. Where did he get socks that ugly? And were those eye glasses on his face? This was an insult to Starfleet tailoring.

“Mr. O’Brian!” Sisko bellowed.

The command voice ended the altercation.

Everything about O’Brian softened. “Captain...”

“Mr. O’Brian, what do you think you’re doing?!”

“It’s Urkel, sir!” his anger immediately returned. “He thought phasers could enhance the power output!”

Sisko made a face. “What?”

“If I didn’t know any better I’d think he was trying to blow up the station!” O’Brian added.

“Urkel,” Sisko marched angrily toward the ‘nerd’. “You’d better have a very good explanation for this!”

“Captain Sisko. I know what it sounds like. But I’ve run the simulations and firing a phaser blast into the station’s power core does increase power output by at least 5 percent. As long as you do it carefully.”

To hear him admit it… proudly, left Sisko flabbergasted. “Mr. Urkel if you wish to conduct experiments you must clear them with Chief O’Brian and myself. Is that clear?”

“Perfectly sir.” Urkel said cheerfully. “So I guess I should tell you about my next experiment. I need a quart of antimatter. Romulan ale and the remains of Captain Kirk. Oh and I need to borrow The Defiant for a few hours.”

Sisko’s nose flared. “You cannot be serious.”

Urkel seemed oblivious to the Captain’s anger. “Well a runabout will do but The Defiant would be better.”

With a tight fist and a single destructive finger erect, Captain Sisko addressed the cadet vehomently.

“Urkel! You listen and listen good! You will never make it in Starfleet if you don’t learn...”

He almost didn’t hear his comm badge chime.

“Captain Sisko to the bridge right away please. Captain Sisko to the bridge right away.”

If there was a time he wanted to ignore the page more than now, he didn’t know but duty called and he answered.

“I’ll be right there.”

A mean glare at Urkel and Sisko spun on his heels and marched away steam fuming from his bald head.

 

Fight Parameters:

So Steve Urkel is a Starfleet cadet recently assigned to Deep Space Nine. The whole caste hates him because- well he’s Urkel.

 

Vote for Urkel if you think he can win them over and become a halfway competent Starfleet officer.

 

Vote for Deep Space Nine if you think they can get Captain Sisko to have him transferred somewhere else (maybe let Picard deal him).

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Steve Urkel
Read more about Steve Urkel at Wikipedia
Official Site: CBS Links: Wikipedia: Steve Urkel Family Matters on TV.com Family Matters IMDb

Deep Space Nine Crew
Read more about Deep Space Nine Crew at Wikipedia
Official Site: Paramount Pictures Links: Wikipedia Memory Alpha Official Site

[Pizzaguy2995]

Very great setup Leroy, I can honestly say it is one of my personal favorites.

I’ll bet on Urkel winning them over, his whole character arc in Family Matters is about him eventually winning over the Winslow’s to the point they consider him part of the family! Heck on a meta level you could say he managed to win over thousands of audience members considering he went from a one-time only character to becoming the most popular character on the show!

Also remember all the high tech stuff he managed to back in his attic as a teenager, imagine the gadgets and resources he could make for the crew if he had access to Star Trek technology!

[DSkillz]

This is probably the first time I've laughed out loud at something Urkel-related.  Good job, leroy. 

As smart as Steve is, his inventions are at least as prone to screw things up as they are to be useful. Still, Steve never really does any lasting harm, so he probably will eventually grow on the DS9 crew (yes, even Worf!). 

Reading this, I noticed that now both matches you've made for tournaments have featured a character played by Michael Dorn! 

[Fox]

An entertaining comedy set-up.  I could easily visualize the scene with the characters entering Sisko's office. Thanks!

[patrickthekid]

Urkel has the smarts to learn his way around, but I fear the crew won't have the patience to get him to that point. Fun setup.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
5.00 - Venom 2009
4.60 - DSkillz
4.00 - Fox
5.00 - Pizzaguy2995
5.00 - patrickthekid

FPA Calculation:
5 Total Votes cast
23.60 Total Combined Score
23.60 / 5 = 4.72 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Steve Urkel: 5
Deep Space Nine Crew: 4

[RakaiThwei]

Hah hah hah! Urkel won!

[Fox]

Both @patrickthekid and @Venom 2009 participated in this months tournament, so their ratings cannot affect the Tournament score.  That's in the rules - you can't rate your competition.

 

Member Ratings:
4.60 - DSkillz
4.00 - Fox
5.00 - Pizzaguy2995
 

FPA Calculation:
3 Total Votes cast
13.60 Total Combined Score
13.60 / 3 = 4.53 Final Rating on the match