Match 18407 The Goonies vs. Hawkins A.V. Club (Stranger Things)

[broadwaybeyonder]

*THE FOLLOWING BROADCAST IS BEING PRESENTED BY THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL COMBAT COMMISSION THROUGH THE BENEVOLENCE OF THE 9.  ALL COMBATANTS MUST AGREE TO FOLLOW TCC GUIDELINES AT ALL TIMES.  VIOLATION OF GUIDELINES WILL RESULT IN PUNISHMENT, DEATH, AND SUSPENSION.  SAFETY OF ATENDEES IS NOT GUARANTEED.* 

Maximillion Pegasus: Hello, everyone!  Welcome one and all to TCC Arena!  It’s me, your friend Maximillion Pegasus, along with Crowley.  I know you are all as excited as we are to bring you another evening of entertainment. 

Crowley: Yeah, especially now that we’ve taken care of those two meatheads Sanap and Rossi.  None of you will have to hear their rambling ever again. 

Maximillion Pegasus: Well said, Crowley boy! 

Crowley: Don’t… ever call me that. 

Maximillion Pegasus: Hmm.  As you wish.  But for all you good boys and girls out there, we’ve got a special treat for you!  In celebration of our first TCC event since the fall of the Bunker, we are going to present a brand-new innovation!  Tonight, two groups of kiddies will have to use their courage, strength, and wits in a race against the clock!  It’s the Goonies from Astoria, Oregon vs the Hawkins A.V. Club from Hawkins, Indiana! 

Crowley: The little brats are being teleported to the Gorge now, which has been outfitted by the Nine with a variety of obstacles and a maze they’ll need to overcome if they want to survive.  And win, of course. 

Maximillion Pegasus: Too true, Crowley.  And to show you these obstacles, here are our backstage interviewers the Misfits and Screech! 

                Pizzazz: Hey, losers!  It’s your favorite rock band the Misfits! 

                Jetta: Can we hurry this up, Pizzazz? 

                Roxy: Yeah!  We got better places to be than this dump! 

              Pizzazz: Cool it!  We’re here to show these people what the 9 did to spruce up this place!  Over here we got our dear friend Screech! 

              Screech: Uhhhh, hi, ladies. 

              Stormer: Screech, what’s with the pads and the football helmet? 

             Screech: Well, Pizzazz and I flipped a coin to decide which of us were going to go into the maze to show it off and I lost. 

             Pizzazz: But you are a good sport, Screech, dear. 

             Jetta: Screech, dear?! 

             Roxy: I think Pizzazz has finally flipped! 

            Pizzazz: Now you go on ahead into the cave and make sure your camera is turned on so we can see what you see. 

            Screech: Are you sure it’s safe for me to go in there? 

            Pizzazz: Sure I’m sure.  You’ll do great! 

             Screech: Okay.  Here I go! 

            Stormer: What are you being so nice to Screech for, Pizzazz? 

             Jetta: That little toad was the one who ruined our outfits at the last battle! 

             Pizzazz: I know that!  You think I’m dumb or something?  Do you really think I’d risk having to crawl around

          an underground maze on a coin toss?  Ha!  It was a double headed coin I got from Eric! 

              Roxy: Haha!  Now you’re talkin’! 

            Screech: Um, Pizzazz?  Misfits?  Can you hear me? 

             Pizzazz: Oh, we hear you alright.  You are coming in loud and clear! 

            Screech: Well, folks, it’s pretty dark in here.  The 9 have dug into the Gorge walls and created a whole system of passageways for the victims…

         I mean, the combatants to get through. 

           Pizzazz: And there are also a ton of traps and surprises in there.  And I can show you with this remote here.  Let’s see.  What does this button do? 

          CRASH!

          Screech: Hey!  Where did that boulder come from?! 

         Jetta: HA!  Wicked!  Crush the little bugger! 

           Pizzazz: Anyone want to try? 

         Roxy: Let me do it!  There! 

          CRASH!  CRASH!  CRASH! 

         Screech: Oh, come on, ladies! 

         Stormer: Look at ‘im run! 

          Pizzazz: That idiot’s heading down the corridor!  If I remember right, that should lead straight into…

         Demogorgon: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! 

        Screech: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 

          Pizzazz: The Demogorgon pit. 

          Stormer: Umm…That’s all the time we have, folks!  Back to you guys at the desk! 

Maximillion Pegasus: Ah, it does my heart good to see the boys and girls having fun.  Don’t you agree, Crowley? 

Crowley: As long as we can still put Screech back together again after getting mauled by a Demogorgon. 

Maximillion Pegasus: But I’ve just been informed that our combatants have arrived at the entrance to the maze.  Let’s go to our live feed to watch as they meet the member of the 9 who will be personally overseeing this match up! 

Mikey: Brand!  Guys!  Where are we? 

Brand: Take it easy, shrimp.  Is everybody ok? 

Mouth: Why?  If I have a booboo can Stef kiss it to make it better? 

Stef: In your dreams, loser. 

Chunk: Guys, this is crazy!  We were in Mikey’s living room and then it’s like we were all composted here! 

Data: Not composted!  Teleported! 

Andy: Brand, I’m scared. 

Brand: Just everybody quiet!  Just give me a second! 

Mouth: Time’s up!  Jerk Alert!  Check out the dweebs over there! 

Will: Umm, who are those guys? 

Jonathan: Will!  Get behind me! 

Max: Is this place the Upside Down? 

Dustin: Do those people look like Demogorgons to you? 

Lucas: They might be Flayed though. 

Nancy: Whoever they are, this isn’t the Upside Down.  Which means we are somewhere completely different.  That… doesn’t make me feel any better. 

Mike: Hey!  Who are you?  My name is Mike.  Mike Wheeler. 

Mikey: I’m Mike Walsh.  These are my friends, the Goonies. 

Mouth: And we’re not all named Mike, by the way. 

Dustin: The Goonies?  Hey!  Isn’t that the movie that came out?    

Chunk: We’re in a movie?  Cool! 

Jareth: As much as I loathe to interrupt… 

Lucas: Crap!  Where did he come from?! 

Nancy: Is that…? 

Andy and Stef: David Bowie?! 

Jareth: Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Jareth, and I have brought you here to make you… charming children an offer. 

Jonathan: How about you offer us a ride back home? 

Jareth: What?  You’ve only just arrived!  But I will return you to your normal, mundane lives if you succeed in my quest. 

Mike: Quest? 

Jonathan: Mike. 

Jareth: Why, of course.  The entrance of that cave leads to an underground maze.  A labyrinth, if you will.  Be the first to reach the exit, and I will send you back home. 

Max: No way!  What do you have waiting for us in there? 

Jareth: Oh, all sorts of gruesome, grizzly things.  But more than your freedom awaits you.  I understand some of you have a passion for… ‘rich stuff?’ 

Mikey: Rich stuff? 

Brand: Mikey. 

Jareth: Yes, the exit of the labyrinth leads to my hoard of goblin gold.  And something even more valuable.  To you, at least. 

Maximillion Pegasus: Jareth pulls out one of his crystals and suspends it in the air.  It starts to grow until we can an image inside of it.  Two figures, trapped in crystals themselves.  As the image gets clearer we can see they are… 

Mike: El! 

Chunk: Sloth! 

Sloth: CHUNK!  HELP SLOTH! 

Eleven: Mike!  Mike, where are you? 

Mike: El, I’m right here!  I’m here with the others!  We’re coming to get you! 

Eleven: Mike, help me!  Something’s… happening…It hurts! Make it stop! 

Mikey: What are you doing to them? 

Jareth: Isn’t it obvious?  I’m turning them into goblins.  The large, oafish one is practically there already.  But the girl.  Such spirit.  I might take my time with her. 

Mike: Let her go, you bastard! 

Crowley: The kid leaps for the crystal but Jareth disperses it. 

Jareth: Now, now.  We must follow the rules.  You all play the game, one side triumphs over my labyrinth, and I will release your friend, give you the gold, and send you on your way.  If you refuse?  I will transform both of your friends and you will be trapped here forever. 

Mike: You’re on!  Come on, guys!  We’ve got to save El! 

Dustin: Right behind you! 

Chunk: Well?  What are you waiting for?  Let’s go! 

Mikey: We’re with you, Chunk!  Goonies Never Say Die! 

Maximillion Pegasus: And our foolhardy children race into the catacombs of Jareth’s new labyrinth.  Too bad that both of their friends will be turned to goblins before they can find them. 

Crowley: Yes, too bad. 

 

OK then:

Goonies: Mikey, Mouth, Data, Chunk, Brand, Stef, Andy

Hawkins A.V. Club: Mike, Will, Lucas, Dustin, Johnathan, Max, Nancy (Season 3 versions)

The “labyrinth” is filled with booby traps, Upside Down creatures, and Jareth’s goblins. 

First team to defeat the labyrinth, find the treasure, and rescue the hostage wins. 

Game On! 

[Callisto]

Learn More About
The Goonies
Read more about The Goonies at Wikipedia
Official Site: Warner Bros. Links: Wikipedia Entry Goonies.org IMDB Entry for The Goonies

Hawkins A.V. Club (Stranger Things)
Read more about Hawkins A.V. Club (Stranger Things) at Wikipedia
Official Site: Netflix Links: Wikipedia

[Boratz]

Fun set up!

Ever since I watched Stranger Things, I always felt that it has a Goonies vibe to it. With that said, I am leaning toward the Hawkins club. I know 11 is not apart of the one but those kids have gone through a lot and experienced a lot by season 3. I feel like they have a good shot at winning this one

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
4.90 - Boratz
4.00 - Mercenaryblade
5.00 - patrickthekid

FPA Calculation:
3 Total Votes cast
13.90 Total Combined Score
13.90 / 3 = 4.63 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
The Goonies: 2
Hawkins A.V. Club (Stranger Things): 3

[broadwaybeyonder]

THE BOTTOM LINE

Maximillion Pegasus: My oh my!  Our contestants are scurrying through Jareth’s labyrinth!  The Hawkins team has reached a fork in the road.  Two tunnels in front of them. 

Crowley: And an allegedly ‘fiendish’ clue on the wall. 

Max: ‘Short cut ahead?’  And an arrow pointing the way?  I thought this thing was supposed to be hard! 

Mike: Max!  Wait! 

Crowley: The tomboy takes a step into the tunnel.  Lucas grabs her arm! 

Lucas: DUCK! 

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Maximillion Pegasus: Hmm hmm.  Quick thinking there, Lucas.  Everybody drops down and just barely misses getting clipped by those buzzsaw blades. 

Max: A short cut.  Man, I’m such an idiot! 

Dustin: Hey, at least your still alive.  Mike did the same thing to us on one of our old campaigns. 

Johnathan: Guys!  Quiet!  Do you hear that? 

Nancy: Somethings coming down the tunnel! 

Maximillion Pegasus: That’s right!  Here comes some of Jareth’s goblins to welcome our little friends! 

Jonathan: Quick!  Down the other tunnel!  Lucas, you better still have that slingshot! 

Lucas: On it! 

Crowley: The brats run down the tunnel as Jonathan and Lucas try holding the goblins back.  Lucas gets some hits with the slingshot while Jonathan is able to knock down the smaller goblins.  But the numbers eventually force them to retreat after their pals. 

Maximillion Pegasus: Now let’s see how the Goonies are doing? 

All Goonies: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! 

Maximillion Pegasus: Well, I suppose that is the common reaction when being chased by a Demogorgon. 

Stef: What the hell is that thing?! 

Mouth: It’s fast and it’s hungry!  That’s all I need to know!  Move it or lose it! 

Chunk: Aw man!  Where’s Sigourney Weaver when you need her? 

Crowley: Mikey is looking the worst for wear.  Too bad about that asthma.  He trips and falls!  The creature is nearly on him! 

Brand: MIKEY! 

Data: Stand back! 

Crowley: What does that twerp think he’s doing?!  He’s jumping in between Mikey and the Demogorgon! 

Maximillon Pegasus: The Demogorgon roars!  Data whips open his coat and out shoots a.. boxing glove?! 

Crowley: It nailed the Demogorgon right in it’s face!  Bloody hell!  He stunned it!  Brand picks up his brother and Data races after them to catch up. 

Maximillion Pegasus: Meanwhile, the Hawkins team has reached a series of narrow, stone bridges over a chasm.  Modeled after the mines of Moria, I believe. 

Mike: The bridge is too skinny!  We have to go one at a time!  Dustin?  You first, then Will. 

Dustin: Oh, come on, Mike!  Why do I have to go first? 

Mike: Just go! 

Crowley: Dustin gulps and steps out on the bridge, Will following. 

Maximillion Pegasus: But here comes our goblin fighters! 

Lucas: Guys!  Those things are right behind us! 

Jonathan: I was able to grab a couple of weapons off a few of them, but there’s too many! 

Nancy: We need time to get across! 

Lucas: We don’t have any! 

Maximillion Pegasus: Oh dear.  Our guests are hurrying as fast as they can, but our goblins have reached the bridge! 

Crowley: Don’t just stand there, you morons!  Get them! 

Mouth: GANGWAAAAAAAAAY! 

Maximillion Pegasus: And here come the Goonies from the side passage, racing through the goblins! 

Demogorgon: RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAARR! 

Crowley: And there’s the Demogorgon!  Hope Jareth doesn’t mind a few goblins losing their heads. 

Andy: Look!  They’re almost across! 

Mikey: Don’t worry, guys!  There’s another bridge up ahead!  Come on!  Hurry! 

Maximillion Pegasus: A mad rush by the Goonies to get to another path across, but it’s too late!  The Hawkins team has reached the other end of the bridge where a oak door is waiting for them. 

Mike: This is it!  Quick before they get over here! 

Crowley: They all are pushing at the door with all their might!  It slowly creaks open to reveal the Jareth’s treasure room! 

Dustin: Yeah!  We won! 

Eleven: Mike!  Over here! 

Mike: Hang on, El!  We’ll get you out! 

Jareth: Just a moment! 

Jonathan: Crap!  Not you again! 

Mike: We won your game!  We got here first!  Keep your gold and give us back Eleven! 

Dustin: Psst, Mike, maybe we could talk about keeping some of the gold?  

Jareth: That would be the sporting thing to do.  Or I could just transform you all into goblins right now in payment for the ones your friend’s bungling have killed! 

Crowley: Figures Jareth would pull this stunt.  Never much cared for these kids anyway.  Um, what’s Eleven doing? 

Maximillion Pegasus: She’s pulling even harder on her chains!  She’s screaming!  Her nose is starting to bleed! 

Jareth: Stop that!  Stop that do you hear?!  I command you to…

KRRRAAAAAAASH! 

Maximillion Pegasus: Both crystals have exploded!  Eleven drops to her knees and here comes Sloth! 

Sloth: HURT SLOTH!  YOU BAD! 

Jareth: Stay away from me, you disgusting, twisted AAAAAAAAAAAH! 

Crowley: Sloth grabs him with both hands, lifts him over his head, and chucks him out the door! 

Maximillion Pegasus: Over the heads of the now arriving Goonies and into the chasm!  Security to the chasm!  We’ve got a member of the 9 who’s going to need medical stat! 

Chunk: Sloth!  You’re free! 

Sloth: CHUNK!  GIRL FREE SLOTH! 

Mouth: What?  The bald chick? 

Mike: Her name is Eleven. 

Mikey: Whoever you are, thanks. 

Eleven: You’re welcome. 

Mouth: Yeah, yeah.  But what about us?!  We don’t get the rich stuff and without that jerk we can’t get home. 

Mike: Maybe we still can.  El, are there any gates around here? 

Eleven: Yes.  Jareth used one to pull Sloth and I here.  I can re-open it to send us back, but it’s going to take time. 

Data: How much time? 

Will: Maybe time enough to split up this treasure? 

Dustin: What?!  Split the treasure? 

Lucas: We won it fair and square! 

Andy: It’s not our fault!  We had the enormous… it chasing us! 

Jonathan: Well, I guess they can have a little treasure.  I mean, they got kidnapped just like we did. 

Lucas: Hmph.  Yeah, I guess. 

Brand: Thanks, fellas. 

Chunk: Yeah!  Let’s get it! 

Crowley: All that brats fall upon the treasure and start shoving gold and jewels in their pockets as Eleven opens up the gate.  Aren’t you going to do something?! 

Maximillion Pegasus: Our security is too busy retrieving Jareth and corralling the Demogorgon!  The Goonies and the AV Club are already heading for the gate.  Jareth will be too busy recovering from his tumble to be worried about his gold.  Well, we’re out of time, boys and girls!  On behalf of the Nine, this is Maximillion Pegasus and Crowley from TCC Arena! 

Screech: Soooo, Pizzazz, are we even now? 

Pizzazz: Hmm.  Not yet. 

Screech: Uh oh.