Match 19316 Ashley J. Williams vs. Mad Max

[Pizzaguy2995]

Ash Williams vs Mad Max

 

“Oh- oh God!… No!… No!… I SLEPT TOO LOOOOOONG!” 

The smelly, hairy man wailed and despaired for hours, so caught up in his heroic BSoD that he didn’t notice the arrival of several rough looking vehicles that carried a large group of freaky looking men. The large group of mutants cackled amoungst themselves as they grabbed the unresponsive man and loaded him with the other prisoners the war party has been collecting.

Time blurred and soon lost meaning for the distressed man. So lost in his thoughts and memories of friends and family that he realized he’d never see again he did little more then lay unmoving at the back of this cargo truck. Faintly he could hear the sounds of other prisoners in the back of the transport, but could not bring himself to respond to their questions and prompts, not even as they softly shaved his overgrown hair and beard could he muster the will to give a response. An unknown amount of time passed by, until one day:

“Hey….Hey….I don’t know…. Still alive after not eating for….. But I can see your still breathing… C’mon laying around isn’t helping anyone.”

“Leave him alone girl! If he wants to give up then I say let him!”

“Dammit David! We need all the help we can get if we’re gonna get out of here!”

“Oh wake up Cheryl! You really think that-“

“Cheryl?” The man barely managed to croak, tilting his head to stare up at the young girl standing over him. “Your name is Cheryl?”

“….Yes?” Cheryl cautiously answered.

“…..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” The man suddenly erupted into hysterical laughter, rolling around and banging the ground in unrestrained glee!

“And what is so funny?” Cheryl asked him, more then a little annoyed.

“Oh just little cosmic coincidences baby, the kind that’ll drive you crazy if you think about ‘em too hard,” the man snickered, wiping away the tears streaming down his face.

“Well at least this an improvement from being a braindead, drooling machine. So what’s your name?” Cheryl finally asked.

“Oh who bloody cares what this scruffy looking wankers name is! We’re all gonna die soon anyway!” The sourly old David spoke aloud.

“Settle down there pops, none of us are dying today,” the stranger pushed himself to his feet and approached the doors that held the group of prisoners captive. Looking down at his metal hand, he grinned as he clinched the fist around still feeling the power behind it. “The names Ash Williams by the way. Now you folks just sit back and watch me work.”

To the prisoner’s amazement Ash punched open the doors to the cargo hold with one shot, slightly shaking the truck. Standing at the edge of the door, careful not to fall out of the moving vehicle, Ash jumped up to grab the top of the container and climbed on top of it, slowly crawling towards the front of the truck.

*Tap. Tap. Tap.*

The mutant driver had to do a double take as he looked out his side window to see Ash Williams grinning and waving at him. Before he could respond though, Ash smashed through the window with his mechanical gauntlet, grabbed the mutant and chunked him out the window! Swinging himself into the drivers seat, Ash heard a growl and quickly blocked the machete the passenger mutant swung at him. With his free hand, Ash pulled a three stooges move and poked both the mutants eyes! As the creature shrieked and cover his eyes, Ash let his metal hand punch the hapless mutant out the other door. As Ashley pulled the door back closed and took the wheel, to his delight he saw the creatures had his still deluxe condition “Boomstick” along the floor paneling.

“Groovy!”

Honking on either side of him alerted him that two other vehicles full of mutants were looking to take back control of the convoy. Loading up his trusty double barrel, Ash took aim at the car to his right. Boom! Headshot the driver, which caused his vehicle to spin out of control and crash into a large sand dune. Ashley spun his Boomstick around to aim at the car to his left. Boom! Blasted one of the front tires, causing the enemy car to flip several times until it exploded in a fiery heap!

“And that’s why you always wear seatbelts kiddies,” Ashley joked with a grin.

With all the mutants dead, Williams took a look around and saw nothing but desert wasteland in every direction he looked. Confused, Ash found a safe spot to pull over and rounded up his newly rescued compatriots.

“All right gang, as your liberator I think you owe me a few answered questions. Namely where the fuck am I, who the hell were those freaks I just iced and most importantly which way get’s me to Jacksonville the quickest,” Ashley demanded.

“In that order? The Wastelands, the driest, deadliest place on Earth. Those ‘freaks’ were your stereotypical marauders who routinely pillage and enslave anyone they come across. And sorry but I haven’t heard of anyplace called ‘Jacksonville’ before. It was probably before my time,” Cheryl answered the list of questions best as she could.

“You… Your the Promised One! The Promised One of legend!” David sputtered out in amazement.

“Oh for God’s sake David! Not that rubbish again!” Cheryl dismissively said.

“It’s not rubbish you young fool! I was a British Historian before the world went to hell and “The Promised One” was a real historical figure who helped Lord Arthur save ancient England from an undead nightmare!” David insisted.

“I think you’re a little confused there old timer,” Ash replied seriously.

“Exactly! Please forgive David, he just goes a little mental sometimes,” Cheryl smiled triumphantly at David.

“Ole Arty didn’t save jackshit from the Deadite bastards. I had to do all the grunt work all by my lonesome,” Ash revealed, smiling at Cheryl’s shocked face.

“So you are him! And now your here to save the world from the Deadites again aren’t ya?” David eagerly asked.

“Again? Are you telling me they’re back again?” Ashley incredulously asked.

“Yes of course. A large pyramid crawling with them appeared in the middle of the Wasteland years ago. Those marauders were likely sending us to the front lines to act as living meat shields against ‘em,” David explained.

“MOTHERFUCKER!” Ashley Williams cursed as he kicked the sand in frustration.

“Oi don’t even worry about it mate. I heard a rumor that the legendary Road Warrior himself was leading the fight against those things,” Cheryl hopefully explained.

“And just who the fuck is the Road Warrior?” Ash annoyingly asked.

************************************

“MAD MAX! We’ll see you dead by sunset and one of us by sunrise!”

Max Rockatansky glared daggers at the undead creature lying sprawled against his windshield, snarling and growling at him. Sick of the wrecked thing already, Max suddenly slammed on his breaks, jolting his car to a stop and sending the demonic beast flying across the ground with a lot of painful cracks and snaps!

Mad Max did not celebrate his victory too soon though, keeping his eyes trained on the seemingly dead figure. Sure enough the still alive deadite leaped to its feet and shrieked in fury once more!

“I’ll swallow your soul! I’ll swallow your soul! I’ll swallow your-“

VVVVRRRROOOOOMMMMM!

Max punched the gas and the Interceptor roared to life and within a second the screaming deadite was run over with a big splat! Well that’s gonna require a big paint job to clean up.

BZZZZZ CRACKLE!

“Max? Max come in! What’s your position?” A familiar voice came from the radio.

“Max to Furiosa. Barely got out of that meeting spot alive. The weird old man who summoned me was taken by the undead, but not before he gave me this strange book,” Max glanced over at the passenger side to make sure that visibly unsettling book was still there.

“A book? What kind of book? How will it help us?” Furiosa asked.

“The codger called it the ‘Necronomicron’ and right before he bought it, he said that I needed to take it to the Promised One and then he’ll tell me how to stop the dead ones from rising,” Mad Max said uncertainly.

“…. Just get meet back with us as soon as you can. We’ll figure out our next plan once you arrive,” Furiosa said firmly.

“I’m on my way. But I might be a little late,” the legendary Road Warrior hung up the radio and narrowed his eyes out in the distance. 

Coming right at him was a giant sandstorm of epic proportions! And coming out of the storm, was the sight of a dozen vehicles somehow being driven by a couple of familiar and hideous faces.

Bloody hell. They can drive? Max Rockatansky thought as he quickly pivoted and speed away from the incoming threats.

“GIVE US THE BOOK MAXEY! C’MON! GIVE IT TO US!” From Max’s six, one of the deadites stuck it’s head out the window to taunt him. “GIVE US THE FUCKING BOOK ALREADY YOU COCK SUCKING-“

Mad Max suddenly turned sharply, knocking his Interceptor into the deadite’s vehicle, causing it to spin out of control and get flipped away. But the Raggedly Man didn’t have a moment of reprieve before two thumps came from the roof of his car, making him realized the deadites had boarded his ride.

“YOU CAN’T RUN FOREVER MAXEY BOY! NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO, WE’LL ALWAYS FIND YOU!” The obnoxious sound came from above Mad Max.

BANG!

An accurate shot from the Road Warrior’s Smith and Wesson sent one of the Deadites tumbling off the Interceptor and into the road.

“YOU CAN’T STOP US! WE ARE ETERNAL! OLDER THEN YOUR KIN COULD POSSIBLY COMPREHEND!” The other Deadite appeared outside the passenger window, wearing a hideous smirk. “WHY NOT JOIN US INSTEAD? WE HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER-“

Bang!

Another shot blasted the other Deadite tumbling out onto the sandy road. But a rough bump from the other side drew Mad Max’s attention to the other Deadite car that had hooked itself to the Interceptor.

“OH SO YOU WANNA GO NUTS DO YA MAXEY? ALRIGHT MAD BOY LET’S GO NUTS!” The lead Deadite grinned and pulled the pins on the ring of grenades it wore across it’s chest!

Oh for fuck’s sake! Max quickly turned on the nitro and tried to get away!

Boom!

The shockwaves from the explosion knocked the Interceptor on its side, and despite Max’s attempt to righten it out the black vehicle flipped upside down and skid a few feet until it came to a stop.

As Mad Max pulled himself from the upended car, the sandstorm had finally overtaken him, obscuring his ability to see more then two feet in front of him. He could hear the Deadites obnoxious voices giggling all around him and the Road Warrior quickly grabbed his M1 Carbine and got ready to make his last stand.

“Join us…..Join us……Join us….Join us.”

BANG! Max managed to blast a charging Deadite before it could get close to him!

“Join us! Join us! Join us!”

Max clothe-lined another Deadite that appeared from the Sandy storm, knocking it down and then unloading another shot point blank in the face.

“JOIN US! JOIN US!” 

One managed to jump on Mad Max’s back, growling and trying to snap at the mad survivalists neck! Max grabbed a KA-BAR knife from his pocket and jabbed it into the undead creature’s eyeball. The Deadite cried out in pain before Max threw it over his shoulder and then smashed it’s skull with the butt of his rifle several times!

“COME ON THEN! WHOSE NEXT EH? WHICH ONE OF YOU BLOODY CUNTS IS NEXT?” Mad Max screamed into the storm!

“Max? Max love is that you?” 

The storm was beginning to clear up, and it allowed Max to see the figure of a woman tentatively approaching him, holding a small child in her arms. Max could hardly believe his eyes as he realized he recognized the pair.

“J-Jessie? Sprog? No. No! That’s not- that’s not possible! You can’t- you can’t be-“ Mad Max’s eyes blurred as he choked back the urge to sob.

“We’ve missed you so much Max. We knew one day we’d find you again,” Jessie smiled warmly at him.

“Daddy? Is that really you?” The small child reached out his tiny hand at Max, who despite his better instincts reached out his own hand towards the child’s. 

“Don’t do it pal! That’s the oldest trick in the book!”

“What the- who the bloody hell are you?!” Mad Max demanded, aiming his weapon at the new arrival.

“Some people call me the Promised One, the King, or some loud-mouthed braggart. You can call me Ash though. By the way you know those two things are Deadites right?” Ashley Williams gestured to the women and child with his Boomstick.

“Oh God he’s come to kill us Max! Please don’t let him hurt us! Please!” Jessie begged Max.

“C’mon Maximilian don’t let them fool ya! You know deep down they can’t be real!” Ash insisted.

“Max please! Think about us! Think about your child!” 

“Buddy just step aside! I’ll put ‘em down for you if it’ll make it easier!”

“SHUT UP!” Max screamed clutching his head in pain. “Just shut the fuck up and let me think goddamn it!”

“Daddy?” The little boy begged with tears in his eyes. “I love you Daddy.”

Mad Max looked into the eyes of the little boy who looked so much like his son and knew what he had to do next. With a feral growl he pointed his gun at the supposed Promised One, who in turn raised his own gun at the Road Warrior.

“Don’t do this Maxwell. Don’t make me put you down,” Ashley warned him.

“Stay the fuck away from my family you BLOODY FUCKING WANKER!” Mad Max roared in fury.

************************************

Could you believe that in the decades CBUB existed no one has ever made a matchup between these two? Two of the 80s most iconic heroes? I definitely felt like that needed to be rectified.

Anyways Ash is armed with his Boomstick (double-barreled shotgun), his metal gauntlet, and his chainsaw. Mad Max has his M1 Carbine and his Smith & Weston Pistol. Who wins?

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Ashley J. Williams
Read more about Ashley J. Williams at Wikipedia
Official Site: Anchor Bay Entertainment Links: Wikipedia Entry - Ash Williams Wikipedia Entry - The Evil Dead Series Deadites Online

Mad Max
Read more about Mad Max at Wikipedia
Official Site: Warner Bros. Studio Links: Wikipedia IMDb IMDb

[Pizzaguy2995]

FYI all canon feats for each character are allowed; The Evil Dead movies, TV show, and comics. And the Mad Max films and video games.

 

[Boratz]

Wow! Great job, PizzaGuy! I am quite surprised that these two have never crossed paths on this site but very well written. 

Not sure who to go with. I'm more familiar with Ash than I am with Max. Although I have not really watched the Ash vs Evil Dead series, nor have I watched the newest film which I hear he is not in

I've only seen parts of the original Mad Max movies and saw the newest one. 

 

I will have to do some research. I feel that Ash has definitely had some feats with the deadites but I don't want to take away from Max's skills either 

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
5.00 - Boratz
5.00 - StormChaser

FPA Calculation:
2 Total Votes cast
10.00 Total Combined Score
10.00 / 2 = 5.00 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Ashley J. Williams: 2
Mad Max: 0