Match 19514 Bloody Mary vs. La Llorona

[broadwaybeyonder]

The crescent Moon shined over the Gulf of Mexico.  The waves lapped on the shore, only interrupted by the splash of a beer bottle crashing into it.  An SUV was parked on top of a dune overlooking the beach.  Beside it sat a blond boy in a t-shirt and jeans and a redhaired girl wearing a college jacket over a cheerleader’s outfit with their arms wrapped around each other.  Two boys also in college jackets stood further down the beach, laughing, high fiving, and betting who would through the next bottle the furthest.  Another girl with short brown hair wearing a sweater and skirt idly glanced up at the starry night, while a girl with blond hair wearing a crop top and jean shorts leaned against the SUV looking bored. 

“I can’t believe those idiots managed to get us lost!” the blond grumbled. 

“They didn’t mean to, Madison,” said the brunette.  “Ozzie’s been planning this trip for weeks.” 

“And don’t you go making excuses for him, Beth!” Madison snapped.  “I was all ready to see a concert and have a party on the beach!  And what do I get instead?  No concert, no party!  Just those two morons drinking beer and chucking the empties into the stupid ocean!” 

The blond boy leaned in to give the redhead another kiss.  “I don’t know, Madi.  I think I’m beginning to like the scenery.  What about you, Laura?” 

“Oh yes!” Laura giggled.  “It’s so romantic!” 

“Hmph!” said Madison.  “Yeah, real romantic.  Why don’t you two get a room or something?” 

“Just take it easy, Madi,” said Beth.  “There’ll be other parties.  You don’t have to take it out on Luke and Laura.” 

The two bottle throwers ran back up the beach to rejoin their friends.  Beth could hear the voice Zach, the dark-haired, taller of the two, bragging to Ozzie.  “I told you I’d hit that rock!  Chalk another win for the star QB!” 

Ozzie rolled his eyes and smiled.  “Star of the bench you mean!  Hey!  What are all you people doing over here?  This is supposed to be our vacation!  Let’s lighten up!  Have some fun!” 

Madison crossed her arms and glared at Zach.  “Doing what?  Sing songs around a campfire?  You promised me a concert and a party, Zach!” 

“Hey, baby, don’t be mad!” 

“Yeah!” said Ozzie.  “There’s a ton of stuff we could do.  We’re at the beach!  Let’s go for a swim!” 

Beth glanced at the ocean before them.  “But I didn’t bring a swimsuit.” 

Ozzie grinned.  “Who says we need ‘em?” 

Madison slapped Ozzie on the shoulder.  “You wish, creep!” 

Zach held up his hands.  “Okay, okay.  If you don’t want to swim, perhaps you’re up for another… challenge.” 

Madison looked annoyed at Zach.  “What challenge?  What are you talking about?” 

Zach gave a wink to Ozzie, who cleared his throat and looked to the sky.  “Yes, it’s the perfect night.  She is sure to be listening.” 

Beth drew closer and even Luke and Laura stopped their flirting to listen.  “Who is listening?” 

Zach and Ozzie shared an expectant look, then Ozzie answered in a hushed tone. 

“Bloody Mary.” 

“OH, GIVE ME A BREAK!” 

Madison picked up a purse off the sand and stomped towards the SUV.  Zach hurried up to her and caught her by the shoulders.  “Aw come on, Madison!  Don’t be a downer!” 

“When you stop being such a kid!  Seriously?  Bloody Mary?  You want us to play that dumb, old game?” 

Ozzie looked shocked.  “Oh it is more than a game.  For centuries, people have told the legend of Bloody Mary.  That anyone who dares to say her name three times while looking into a mirror, would summon her from the land of the dead, and risk her wrath!” 

Laura scootched closer to Luke.  “Oooh!  That’s so creepy!” 

“If by creepy you mean stupid,” sniffed Madison. 

“And the legend also says,” Ozzie went on.  “That the spirt of Bloody Mary is at it’s strongest on the night the crescent Moon.” 

“HMPH.  Just like boys’ brains get dumber during the crescent Moon,” said Maidson derisively. 

“Well, if you really feel that way, baby, why don’t you prove it?” asked Zach.  “Why don’t you say the name three times and see what happens?” 

“I would, but we’re fresh out of mirrors.  Oh well, guess we’ll have to do this dumb game some other time.” 

“There’s the rear-view mirrors on the car,” Laura offered. 

“Yeah, there is no way I’m saying Bloody Mary 3 times to a freaking car!” 

“You won’t have to.” 

Beth reached into her purse and pulled out a smart phone.  Pressing a few buttons, she activated an app that turned the home screen into a reflective surface.  “There.  A 21^st century hand mirror.” 

“Don’t tell me you believe this crap?” said Madison, as Beth handed the phone to Ozzie. 

“I don’t have to,” replied Beth.  “The fact is we have nothing else to do out here.  And if you’re so sure that Bloody Mary isn’t real, there’s only way to prove it.” 

“Go on, Madison!” snickered Luke. 

“Yeah!” chorused Laura.  “Call Bloody Mary!” 

Ozzie held the phone out in front of him with the ‘mirror’ facing Madison.  He gave a dramatic smile.  “Do you dare to face the wrath of… her?” 

Madison looked around at her friends and groaned.  “Ugh!  Fine!”  She took a step towards Ozzie and fixed her eyes on the phone. 

“Bloody Mary!” 

Just as Madison’s half-heartedly words left her lips a cold rush of air swept in from the ocean.  Laura yelped in surprise and put her arms even tighter around Luke.  Beth’s grip subconsciously tightened onto the hood of the car.  Madison looked around for a moment uneased. 

“Well? That’s 1,” said Zach.  “You need 2 more!” 

“I know that!” Madison barked.  “I… just got… distracted.”  She took a breath to steady herself then faced the phone again. 

“Bloody Mary!” 

Another breeze came across the Gulf.  It whipped past the friends and against the car.  Beth almost thought she could hear the sound of a woman’s cry carried on the wind.  Madison was looking more and more frightened as Zach slowly moved behind her. 

“Maybe we should just get in the car and head home,” Laura said nervously.    

“No way!” said Luke.  “Madison just needs to say it one more time!” 

Beth glanced at Ozzie.  “Maybe Laura’s right, Oz.” 

“No!  We’ve started the ritual!  Only Madison can stop it.  If she’s too scared.” 

“I’m not scared!” Madison shouted. 

The wind died down, as if in anticipation of what was to happen next.  Madison took a deep breath, then spoke in a barely audible whisper. 

“Bloody Mary.” 

There was a moment of silence on the beach.  Then Zach quickly wrapped his arms around Madison’s waist and hoisted her into the air.  Madison squealed and kicked her feet up, knocking the phone out of Ozzie’s grip and sending it flying overhead into the bushes behind him.  The others laughed as Zach carried Madison towards the water. 

“Put me down, you creep!” she shouted, laughing in spite of herself. 

“I cannot!” Zach said in a monotone voice.  “You have dared to say her name!  Any who dares to say her name must be punished!” 

Zach continued carrying Madison kicking and squirming into the shallows.  Madison pulled her feet up from the water as Zach grinned.  “One last chance!  Do you beg forgiveness for saying her name?” 

“Never!” Madison giggled.  “Screw Bloody Mary!  Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary!” 

  “Aw go throw her in!” laughed Luke. 

“Yeah!  Maye a bath will stop her being such a wet blanket!” chimed in Laura. 

Zach began swinging Madison back and forth as the others counted along. 

“1!  2!  3!” 

With a final shriek, Madison was flung out of Zach’s arms a fell with a splash into the Gulf.  Beth shook her head and grinned at Ozzie.  “You are crazy, you know that?” 

“Yep!  And proud of it!” 

“Well how about you make me proud and find my phone?  I think it landed over there in those bushes.” 

Ozzie gave a salute.  “Fear not, my lady!  I shall rescue your electronic device for thee!” 

“Cut the Shakespeare and just get my phone back, please?” Beth chuckled. 

Ozzie winked at Beth and headed into the bushes.  His eyes scanned the ground, but the phone wasn’t there.  Maybe Madison had kicked it further than he thought. 

“Hey, Zach!” Ozzie shouted over his shoulder.  “Any chance of coach letting Madison be our new placekicker?” 

He had gone a few more feet away from the SUV when Ozzie reached a clearing in the brush.  Beth’s phone lay face up in the sand.  Ozzie groaned when he saw that the screen was cracked.  “Great.  Beth’s never gonna let me forget this.” 

That was when Ozzie heard a sound.  It seemed to be coming from the bushes ahead of him.  It was almost like the sound of ragged breathing.  Clutching the phone in his hand, Ozzie called out.  “Okay, guys.  Beth?  Is that you?  Look I know it’s you so just come out of there.” 

At that moment, Ozzie felt an ice-cold breath on the back of his neck.  He spun around and let out a scream that was quickly silenced by the bony fingers wrapped around his throat. 

Ozzie’s scream was obscured by the screams of Madison as she splashed wildly in the ocean.  “Come on, Madison.  It’s not even that deep!” said Luke.  “Swim back to shore and we can get back to the motel.” 

“Somebody help me!” Maidson wailed.  “Something grabbed my leg!  Something’s in the water!” 

“Right, like Jaws’ Mexican cousin!” guffawed Zach. 

“Please, Zach!  Get me out of the water!  Please!” 

Beth could see the panic in Madison’s face.  She reached out to Zach.  “You better help her out, Zach.  It’s probably nothing, but look at her!  She’s freaking out!” 

“Ah, fine.  Time to fish my girlfriend out of the ocean.  You guys get the stuff back in the car.  And see where Oz got to.” 

Zach jogged towards into the shallows as Madison’s head went under.  Zach reached into the water, feeling around for Madison’s body.  But he could feel nothing.  Luke was right, the water wasn’t that deep.  But Madison was gone. 

“Madi?  MADI!”  Zach turned back to yell to the shore.  “GUYS!  SOMEBODY CALL 911!” 

An arm shot out of the water making Zach fall backwards into the shallows.  To Zach’s terror, the arm was followed by the body a veiled woman dressed in white.  Zach could see her pale skin and sunken eyes.  The woman open her mouth and let out a piercing wail. 

“Mis hijos!  Mis pobres pobres hijos!” 

Beth stared in disbelief at the woman advancing on Zach as he desperately scrambled to shore.  Luke moved in front of Laura.  “Stay behind me, girls!” 

“For what?!”  shouted Laura. 

“That’s right!” said Beth.  “We’ve got the car!  We’ve got to get out of here!” 

The windows of the SUV suddenly smashed all at once.  The hapless friends screamed at the sight of Bloody Mary perched on top of the SUV’s hood, still holding Ozzie’s head.  She leapt off the hood and advanced on Beth, Laura, and Luke as La Llorona stepped out of the water towards Zach.  The friends all backed into each other, frozen in fear.  Bloody Mary let out a screech, only for La Llorona to sweep through the group to face her.  “Mis hijos!  Mis pobres hijos!” she cried. 

“What the hell is she saying?!” whispered Luke. 

“I think… I think she’s saying we’re her kids,” said Beth. 

“Well, that’s good, right?” stammered Laura.  “If we’re her kids she won’t hurt us, right?” 

“But she must have drowned Madison!” snapped Zach. 

“Oh yeah.  So...... what happens then?” 

Bloody Mary let loose a howl and slashed at La Llorona, who responded in kind with a strike of her own.  Beth looked on with grim resignation.  “I think we’re supposed wait to see who gets to kill us next!” 

 

OK:

Both Mary and Llorona have all the powers/weaknesses associated with ghosts and poltergeists, as well as their legends. 

Last ghost standing wins. 

Game On! 

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Bloody Mary
Read more about Bloody Mary at Wikipedia
Official Site: Public Domain Links: Wikipedia Creepty Pasta Wikia American Folk Lore

La Llorona
Read more about La Llorona at Wikipedia
Official Site: Public Domain Links: Wikipedia

[MistressOfWords]

Hello

Good job on your entry.  It's decent writing; decent length, description, characters.  The opening is good I can really visualize what's going on.   College kids messing around on a beach, getting drunk and messing with spirits.  It's a set up that's been done before--because it works, its classic, its' good.  

The characters are stereotypical college kids, though, and kinda blend together without a focus on any in particular-- I don't really care if the spirits kill them.  Which isn't necessarily bad, as this was a debut character writing challenge, and per rule 4 it's the debut character that matters most, it a debut character writing challenge.  However, the focus was on the college kids, not the spirits battling; they were only even in the last quarter of the write up for a short time.  You did display them killing a person each, but you didn't really sink into the horror of it and it was short, which feels like a missed opportunity to flesh out the spirts more and give them more screen time and make the write up itself more interesting/compelling.  More description and a more horror feel would have really upgraded your write up. 

Also I don't know anything about La lorona, I don't know why she showed up, I don't know what the abilities of both creatures are or the legends well.   Maybe if I did or it was expanded upon in the write up their reason for fighting would have made more sense?  I didn't really get it.  Seeing as I don't know much about the characters, I'd have to do a lot of outside research to decide who would win, so I didn't vote for either.

[Pizzaguy2995]

A battle between two ghostly ladies huh? I like the idea and execution Broadway, though as a horror movie junkie I guess I just like these types of scenarios.

It’s close as both spooky specters at first seem equally matched in skills and power. However upon closer examination I think La Llorona might have some advantages that’ll swing it in her favor: firstly, La Llorona might be a little older then Bloody Mary (La Llorona was first documented in 1550 and Bloody Mary I think came about 30-40 or so years latter) so experience goes to La Llorona. Secondly, people who have reported “encounters” with the Bloody Mary report the entity screaming and/or cursing at them, some will report her trying to strangle them, but usually nothing more serious then that. In contrast legends say that anyone who encounters La Llorona is doomed to be taken to the afterlife, and considering no one can claim to have seen her face to face and lived it can be assumed that La Llorona is much deadlier then Bloody Mary. Finally, La Llorona in this scenario is fighting for “her children” which means she’ll be fighting twice as hard as usual, like a ghostly Mama Bear.
 

So I’m leaning La Llorona. Sorry Bloody Mary but Llorona’s got experience, efficiency, and motherhood power on her side.

 

[Mercenaryblade]

I'm definitely liking this match concept. Great work on the writing.

I'm definitely leaning towards La Llorna. 

 

 

[DSkillz]

Good entry, broadway. You're definitely got the typical horror story atmosphere down. As mentioned, though, it could've used a bit more of the story behind Bloody Mary and La Llorona. 

As for the match, I don't really see how the two apparitions hurt each other. Among the weakness I've found for them both are your usual vampire/ghost killing items like holy water and the like, and I don't think either lady would be carrying such things. I'm thinking that they may break away from each other, and maybe which of them kills the most kids wins this. 

[IKA]

Another great set up, and I didn't really find much to be nitpicky about when it comes to grammar or spelling either. The only issue I found that wasn't a clear artistic choice was one misspelling of Madison where you put in Maidson instead. 

My only nit pick is that, I know nothing about these characters. I can't choose a side based on your story. There really isn't anything here that allows me as the reader to think, oh yeah I think this character might win here.

As for my vote, I'm just going to vote for Bloody Mary just out of pure nostalgia of chanting myself being dared to play do it as a kid. 

4.5 / 5

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
4.50 - DSkillz
4.50 - Pizzaguy2995
3.50 - MistressOfWords
4.00 - Boratz
4.50 - IKA
4.80 - Culwych1

FPA Calculation:
6 Total Votes cast
25.80 Total Combined Score
25.80 / 6 = 4.30 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Bloody Mary: 1
La Llorona: 4

[Culwych1]

 I didn't get a chance to comment on this one whilst live, but did manage to squeeze the rating in. (PS. a 3.5 rating seems kinda harsh).

Great matchup and writing, one of my favs in a while. I like the old school horror movie vibe to the whole thing. It was so close to the match I nearly wrote instead; Mama vs Mr. Babadook!

Well done.

[broadwaybeyonder]

(finally) THE BOTTOM LINE

The teenagers stood huddled together, frozen in terror as Bloody Mary slashed at La Llorona with her nails.  Black bile emerged from the cuts as the two figures howled and snarled at each other like rabid animals. 

“We gotta get to the car!” Luke whispered urgently. 

“We’re never getting passed them!” Laura whimpered.  “We’re going to die!  We’re all going to…” 

“Laura!  Stop that!” snapped Beth.  “Let’s just move further down the beach.  When we’re far enough away, book it for the road.” 

Laura started running down the beach sobbing.  “I don’t care!  I want to go home!  I wanna…!” 

La Llorona teleported in front of Laura with arms outstretched.  Laura barely had time to scream before La Llorona’s hands were grasped tightly around her throat. 

“LAURA!  NO!”  Luke sprinted towards his girlfriend only for Bloody Mary to fly through his body and tear out his heart on her way out. 

Zach grabbed Beth by the wrist and ran for the SUV as the ghosts finished off their lovestruck friends.  “Get in the car!  Go!  GO!”  The two jumped into the car and slammed the doors behind them.  Zach fumbled through his pockets for the keys and shoved them in the ignition.  The engine sputtered and wheezed but wouldn’t turn over. 

“Come on!  Damn it, come on!” 

“Zach,” Beth said in a hushed tone. 

“I know!  Just give it a second!” 

“No.  Zach!” 

Zach looked up, following Beth’s gaze.  He finally noticed the rear-view mirror.  He could his reflection, Beth’s, and one other sitting in the backseat. 

Zach and Beth screamed as Bloody Mary emerged out of the rear-view mirror reaching for them.  Instantly La Llorona appeared in the backseat and caught hold of Bloody Mary, giving Zach and Beth time to scramble out of the SUV.  Bloody Mary hissed and delivered another blow to La Llorona’s face, then spun around and dragged her into the rear-view mirror after her. 

Beth and Zach laid out on the sand, gasping for breath and staring at the now still and silent SUV.  Around them they could see the bodies of Luke and Laura lying next to each other a few feet away, Ozzie’s head, and Madison’s drowned body washing up onto the shore. 

Beth’s mind was still racing but her eyes were still locked onto the SUV.  They were drawn to the windshield, cracked but still in one piece.  She could see the blurred images of her and Zach, but there was also something moving in the reflection.  She glanced behind them and back again, but the image remained.  The image of two figures locked in combat. 

Then one of the images grew clearer and clearer, until finally a body burst out of the windshield shattering it.  Bloody Mary was sprawled out in front of the car.  Her pale face and clothes were even more tattered and torn, and her eyes seemed wide with uncharacteristic fear. 

La Llorona appeared before the SUV and advanced on her fellow spirit.  Bloody Mary wailed as she tried to scramble away from her adversary, but La Llorona was quickly upon her.  The ghostly lady grabbed her victim by the hair and with a determined look proceeded to drag her down the beach.  Zach and Beth jumped aside as Bloody Mary howled and snarled in anger.  She kicked and clawed at the air, but nothing could stop La Llorona’s march.  She stepped into the shallows and continued deeper and deeper into the water.  Bloody Mary let loose a final, piercing wail before she was completely submerged. 

Zach and Beth put their arms around each other as they stood near the shallows.  The water bubbled and fizzed, a black substance coated the surface, and smoke that stank of brimstone rose up from where the two specters had disappeared. 

“Is it… over?” asked Zach, still in shock. 

“I think so,” said Beth.  She took a deep breath and turned to face Zach.  “We need to get out of here.  You help me get the… others in the car.  We’re not leaving them out here like this.” 

Zach nodded.  “Yeah.  You’re right.  As long as it’s…” 

La Llorona’s hands burst out of the water and grabbed a hold of both Zach and Beth by an ankle.  The two gave panicked cries as they were yanked off their feet and pulled into the water.  Pulled under the surface, they could see La Llorona floating before them.  Even as the water filled their lungs, they could hear her tortured call. 

“Mis hijos!  Mis pobres, pobres hijos!”