Match 19542 Wile E. Coyote vs. Inspector Clouseau

[Macklemore]

Mr. Chairman was sitting in his office, adjusting his tie, exasperated breathing filling up the room. He looked around his office, reminded of the last time he tried to take over the world by turning everybody on the planet into monkeys. "The Blue Monkey will be mine, help or no help," he said, pulling out his phone, and taking a look at his contact list. Despite his assumptions that he was a good boss to his ACME employees, only one stuck with him through thick and thin. Wile E. Coyote.

Sighing loudly yet again, the ACME Chairman moved his thumb over the call button, lightly pressing on it as he brought the phone over to his left ear. "Come on, COME ON, I need to know I can count on you," the chairman states, desperate for an immediate answer. Little did he know, the Coyote was busy with his own contraptions, staring at a blue print laid down on the sandy ground in front of him. Feeling the phone buzzing in his furry hammerspace, the canine rushes to reach for it and pull it out as soon as possible. Clicking the answer button, he awaits the command from the chairman, smiling from ear to ear and expecting the best.

"I need you to dispose of an inspector that I'm going to send your way," says the Chairman. "He's renowned for his ability to help in gem related crimes, he's disposed of criminals pining for the Pink Panther diamond more times than YOU could probably count, ahaha!" says Mr. Chairman, causing the Coyote to pull out a sign with a picture of a donkey on it. "Watch your tone, you should be happy you're still on my payroll, alright?" says the Chairman. "Promise me you'll deal with him swiftly." The coyote nods, the nod somehow being transmitted as signals through the phone, causing the chairman to close the call. "Now to somehow get this ins-pec-thor off my case while I try to steal the Blue Monkey," says Mr. Chairman, seeking the private phone number of Clouseau using the help of the World Wide Web.

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A few days later
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"Mr. Clouseau, so nice to have you here," says Mr. Chairman, offering a hand for a handshake, extending it towards the coated gentleman in front of him.

"Nice to meet you as well, Mr. Chairman. Please, let me know what it is that you exactly need from me. I didn't quite, how do you say, understand why I was called here," he says, grabbing hold of the Chairman's hand.

"I have reasons to believe that the Blue Monkey gem is located in an abandoned warehouse somewhere in the middle of Arizona," the Chairman says, pulling his hand back and motioning to the inspector to sit down on one of the various chairs in his gigantic, penthouse office.

"And why is it that you dragged me all this way from France, don't you have any other police detectives from America that could take this case and save you the time it took for me to get to here, as well as the extra funds that will come with me having to spend time away from my beautiful country?" asks the inquisitive inspector.

"Well, don't be modest, now. Surely, you just want to hear me say it, don't you? Well, you are the best private detective when it comes to crimes of this type of nature! You are the best bar none when it comes to dealing with diamond thiefs! Cat burglars! You could finish this up with no problems, for lighting fast speed and you would be worth the money I spend on you!" says Mr. Chairman.

"Alright, I'll do it. If I could ask for a private plane, as well?"

"Anything you need, I will spare no expense."

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A few days later
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Under the relentless desert sun, an abandoned warehouse stood alone, wreathed in silence with an air of expected calamity. This desolate stage was set for the contest between the wily Coyote and the bumbling Clouseau. 

Wile E. Coyote, smiling deviously under the brim of his fedora, meticulously double-checked each trap he'd laid out with his ACME equipment. From falling anvils to tripwires and trap doors, every corner held a deadly surprise. This time, it wasn’t about procuring food; it was about proving he was no one's fool. 

Miles away, Inspector Jacques Clouseau loaded up his trench coat with his essential detective tools – magnifying glass, flashlight and a note pad before setting out unaware of the warehouse's impending comedic doom.

As Clouseau neared the warehouse, his ever-present clumsiness sent him crashing into a cactus. Mumbling apologies to the prickly plant, he dusted himself off and soldiered toward the looming structure. The warehouse, eerily quiet, provided the perfect backdrop for Clouseau's bumbling investigation. His every move, whether incautious tripping over imaginary stones or knocking over invisible obstacles, was a study in slapstick catastrophe.

Minutes into his investigation, Clouseau triggered the first of Coyote’s meticulously laid traps. His foot barely brushed a camouflaged wire, causing a large anvil to free fall right towards him. The Coyote, watching from a safe distance, let out a triumphant snicker. The bumbling Inspector, however, pulled out his notepad at the very second, causing the anvil to miss him completely and crash loudly behind him. Clouseau jumped at the sound, spinning around to see an anvil in the sand, and mumbled, "What were those builders thinking?"

Wile E. Coyote, shocked yet determined, activated the trapdoor right under Clouseau's feet. But as luck would have it, Clouseau stumbled on a loose stone, entirely missing the gaping hole that appeared and disappeared within seconds. From a distance, the frustrated Coyote's jaw dropped in disbelief.

The Coyote decided it was time to personally intervene. He armed himself with a dynamite stick, carefully sneaking up on the Inspector. Clouseau, busying himself with his magnifying glass, suddenly sneezed causing him to inadvertently toss the magnifying glass over his shoulder. It landed exactly on the fuse of the dynamite Coyote held, extinguishing it instantly before retreating to the coat of oblivion. Oblivious Clouseau, attributed the singed fur smell to the desert heat, noting it in his notebook.

Hours of repeated slapstick failed attempts left Wile E. Coyote utterly exasperated. He finally decided to confront the Inspector directly.

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Wile E. Coyote
Read more about Wile E. Coyote at Wikipedia
Official Site: Warner bros Links: Wile E Coyotes Wikipedia entry Wile in Toonpedia Wile in Weird space

Inspector Clouseau
Read more about Inspector Clouseau at Wikipedia
Official Site: MGM Pictures Links: Inspector Clouseau Wikipedia Pink Panther imdb Inspector Closeau

[DSkillz]

Another good set-up, Macklemore. I chuckled through most of the match, especially when I realized that Wile E. pulled out a "jackass" sign. 😄 You may want to be careful about writing out a lot of the actual "battle", though, since it may show a little bias toward one side.

As for the match, while I've never seen a Pink Panther film, I have a pretty good idea of what Clouseau's about from those Inspector animated shorts. I'm pretty confident that between Clouseau's bumbling and luck and Wile E's malfunctioning devices, the Inspector may get knocked around a bit, but he'll live. It would get hilarious in the meantime, though.  

[Macklemore]

3 hours ago, DSkillz said:

You may want to be careful about writing out a lot of the actual "battle", though, since it may show a little bias toward one side.

That's totally fair, I realized once I sent out the match that it would be better if this part of the story was in the mind of the reader as opposed to me blatantly writing out Wile E. fail miserably. I think you're totally right about that.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
4.60 - DSkillz
5.00 - patrickthekid
4.80 - Boratz

FPA Calculation:
3 Total Votes cast
14.40 Total Combined Score
14.40 / 3 = 4.80 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Wile E. Coyote: 2
Inspector Clouseau: 1