Match 19812 Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed vs. Punchline

[broadwaybeyonder]

Punchline’s vision was nothing but shadows and pinpoints of light as she struggled to regain consciousness.  She was ‘assisted’ by the feeling of something striking her in the face. 

“Wakey, wakey, Punchy!  Rise and shine!”  

Another hit finally shook Punchline awake.  She winced as she peered into the dark broken by a familiar silhouette standing in front of some stage lights.  She was dressed in a red and black jester’s outfit, her face painted white, and a rubber chicken held by the legs in her right hand. 

“Crap,” muttered Punchline. 

Harley Quinn swung the rubber chicken again, clocking Punchline in the face.  Shaking off the hit, Punchline glared at her captor.  “I’m awake, you idiot!” 

Harley gave a look of fake concern.  “Oh, gee, sorry.  But you can never be too careful these days.  I wouldn’t want to sleep through the day your about to have.” 

“How did you even find me?!” 

“Meh, it wasn’t all that hard.  Just walked around Gotham asking people if they’ve seen some psycho wannabe anarchist loser stealing my shtick.  Guess people in this town just like me better than you.” 

Punchline tried to jump to her feet and lunge for Harley, only to be yanked down again.  She glanced behind her back to see she was handcuffed to a row of pipes.  Harley gestured around at the dimly lit room with various clown inspired sculptures and pictures lining the walls.  “You should be honored.  Not many people got a chance to see the good ol’ Ha-Hacienda.  Bet Joker didn’t even tell you about it.” 

Punchline gave a look of disgust.  “Why would he bother?  He’s made for bigger things than to spend his days in this dump.” 

Harley bristled for a moment, then shrugged and went on.  “For your information, Punchy, this place is still loaded with all kinds of stuff.  Weapons, vehicles.  Even has a bunch of my old outfits.  Still look good on me, too.” 

“Huh.  It sure is you,” Punchline smirked.  “Outdated and irrelevant.  So cut the nickel tour.  Let me guess.  You’re holding me here until the Bat and his junior fascists show up.” 

Harley tossed the rubber chicken onto a table, then sat cross legged on it as well.  She picked up a soda and slid a straw into it.  “Nah, Batsy doesn’t even know what I’m doing,” she said, taking a sip from her drink.  “I’m just gonna kill ya.” 

Punchline stared at Harley casually sipping her soda, then laughed.  “Oh no!” she said mockingly.  “Harley Quinn’s gonna kill me!  Ha!  Please!  You didn’t have the guts to do that for Joker!  You aren’t doing that working for the Bat!” 

“I’m more of a free agent-type,” said Harley Quinn, her voice growing colder.  “And since you tried to slit my throat a while back, it seems only good manners to return the favor.” 

“Forget it, Quinn.  You couldn’t kill me even if you wanted to.” 

Harley set down her drink and did a flip off the table.  She reached into her belt and pulled out a key as she walked over to Punchline.  “Well, that’s the thing, Punchy.  If I was going to kill you, I wouldn’t just shoot you or stab you.  I’d have to come up with something extra special for a delusional creep like you.” 

Punchline braced herself as Harley grabbed a hold of the handcuffs and started to unlock them.  “I was wanting to have my babies Bud and Lou turn you to kibble, but they’ve gone up to that Dogpatch in the sky.  So, I had to go all the way to Africa to find the next best thing.” 

The instant Punchline heard the click of the cuffs opening she sprang into action.  She gave a spinning kick to Harley and then leapt towards one of the clown displays.  She snatched a juggling pin from a clown mannequin’s grip and brandished it towards Harley.  “Next best thing?!  I’ll show you next best thing, you naive littleWHOOOOA!” 

The floor fell out from under Punchline’s feet, sending her tumbling down a trapdoor.  Harley pulled up on a lever to allow the trapdoor to close again.  She gave a very satisfied smile.  “Don’t mess with the original.” 

Punchline was sent racing down a slide that deposited her out of an enormous clown head, it’s mouth open in silent laughter.  She landed with a thud and groaned as she rose to her feet.  “It isn’t going to work, Quinn!” she shouted into the darkness.  “I’m going to get out of here!  And when I do I’m going to start with your throat and carve the rest of you into fish bait!  You hear?!” 

There was a chorus of animalistic laughter that answered Punchline.  She spun around to see three gray, spotted hyenas advancing towards her.  “Well, well, well,” Shenzi chuckled.  “What have we here?” 

“Looks an awful lot like the meal the nice lady promised us,” said Banzai.  “What do you think, Ed?” 

Punchline was stunned as the third hyena giggled madly.  “What is this?  This is some kind of trick.” 

“Oh no tricks,” grinned Shenzi.  “Just three hyenas in the big city looking for a bite to eat.” 

Harley’s voice came over a PA system on the wall.  “You have no idea how hard it was to get these guys through customs.  But hey, enough of the small talk!  Let’s get down to the payback!” 

Punchline raised her arms defensively as the hyenas moved into position around her.  “It’ll take more than this to keep me from getting my hands on you, Quinn!” 

OK:

The fight takes place in the Ha-Hacienda. 

Punchline starts with no weapons. 

If she kills all three hyenas she wins. 

Hyenas win by killing Punchline. 

Game On! 

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed
Read more about Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed at Wikipedia
Official Site: Disney Links: Wikipedia Disney Wiki Villains Wiki

Punchline
Read more about Punchline at Wikipedia
Official Site: DC Comics Links: Wikipedia

[RakaiThwei]

I would say that Punchline probably has no real qualms about hurting, or even straight up killing animals.

I'm gonna go with Punchline here.

[JohnnyChany]

I love everything about this setup. Ashamed of myself it took me a moment to get the hyena connection before I started to read it. Great characterization and I even love the overly elaborate death trap, perfect for the Batman extended family.

I am going with Punchline. I think she can take out the three Scar lackeys by themselves.

[Pizzaguy2995]

The LK Hyenas are somehow less impressive then rl Hyenas. Punchline clears low diff.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
4.50 - Pizzaguy2995
4.00 - Boratz
5.00 - Venom 2009
5.00 - JohnnyChany

FPA Calculation:
4 Total Votes cast
18.50 Total Combined Score
18.50 / 4 = 4.62 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed: 3
Punchline: 6

[DSkillz]

Sorry I missed out on this match, broadway. Interesting way for Harley to get revenge on her would-be replacement. Allowing the hyenas to be their taunting selves in their CBUB debut was also a nice touch. 

I'd say Punchline only rightfully won if Harley left her with access to her blades and Joker venom. 

[broadwaybeyonder]

THE BOTTOM LINE

Punchline gasped for breath as she tore through an aisle of funhouse mirrors.  She could hear the snarls of Shenzi and Ed behind her getting closer.  She pushed past a curtain and emerged into another area of the Ha-Hacienda only for a charging Banzai to slam into her right side.  The force of the impact sent her colliding into a row of arcade claw machines. 

“Ha!  Just like bowling for buzzards!” sneered Banzai as Shenzi and Ed trotted up to him. 

“Good one, Banzai,” said Shenzi.  “Now let’s chow down!  All this running around makes me hungry!” 

Pushing herself up to her knees off broken glass, Punchline tried to collect herself.  It wasn’t real.  The hyenas weren’t really talking.  It was some kind of hallucination.  She needed to just power through and kill them.  Then wring Harley Quinn’s miserable neck. 

“Aw come one, Shenzi!” whined Banzai.  “I want the first bite!  I’ve never eaten human before!” 

“And you will!  Right after me!” 

“OK, ok!  How about I take bit off the flank, then I tell you how she tastes?” 

“You know the flanks the best part!” 

“Heh heh heh heh heh!” 

“ED!  Get back here!” 

“Yeah, nobody’s eating nothin’ until we get this straight!” 

As the hyenas continued their bickering, Punchline glanced around the room for anything she could use as a weapon.  Her eyes finally locked on an enormous high striker carnival game, the bell positioned high into the rafters of the Ha-Hacienda.  And next to it was an equally large hammer. 

Punchline sprinted towards the game and Ed pointed his paw and yiped urgently.  Shenzai and Banzai looked at the fleeing Punchline and groaned.  “I HATE fast food!” howled Banzai.  The three hyenas raced after Punchline, but she had already reached the hammer.  She picked it up in both hands and in the same motion swung it.  The hammer connected with side of Banzai’s head.  Shenzi and Ed pulled up short as Punchline swung the hammer down again and crushed Banzai’s skull. 

Shenzi’s eyes widened in shock as Banzai gave a final whimper.  Then her eyes went red as she leapt at Punchline.  Punchline raised the hammer to block the hyena, but Shenzi’s jaws snapped the wooden handle in two.  Ed circled around the pair and tried to attack Punchline from behind.  But as he lunged for her Punchline delivered a kick to Shenzi and tossed the head of the hammer at Ed.  The hit stunned the already insane hyena, and gave Punchline a chance to reach into a pocket of her costume and pull out some of the broken glass from the claw machines.  A quick gesture was all it took to stab the hyena in his right eye, and another jabbed a shard into his throat. 

Shenzi grew more and more panicked as she Punchline began advancing on her with the wooden handle of the mallet in one hand and shards of glass in the other.  “You killed my boys!” Shenzi wailed.  “After I’m done with you, there won’t even be any of your bones le…” 

Punchline let out a scream and pounced on the hyena.  She brought down the pointed end of the handle again and again on Shenzi’s head.  Within seconds the hyena’s blood coated the floor and Punchline’s costume. 

Punchline panted and let the handle and glass fall to the floor.  Over the PA she could hear Harley trying to keep from throwing up.  “Oy.  Um, yeah.  That didn’t work out like I thought it would.” 

“Is that the best you could come up with?” shouted Punchline.  “Three hyenas and some hallucinogenic gas?!  Well, I killed your stupid ‘pets’!  Why don’t come down here and fight me yourself, you stupid…!”

“Now, now.  Language,” said Harley.  “You don’t really think that was it?  I take you prisoner, try to kill ya, didn’t work, ok, time to go home?  Like mama Harley said.  ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try to kill ‘em again!’” 

Suddenly the coils of a snake descended from the rafters of the Ha-Hacienda and wrapped around Punchline’s waist.  She desperately reached for her makeshift weapons, but the coils lifted her off her feet and into the rafters of the Ha-Hacienda.  Punchline couldn’t believe her eyes.  Interwoven in the rafters was the largest snake she had ever seen.  She tried to free herself as the coils tightened around her arms and legs. 

“Sssssoo,” hissed Kaa.  “It ssssseemssss you’ve had a very sssstressssfull day today, haven’t you?” 

“She sssssure has,” snickered Harley.  “You like him, Punchy?  Got them all the way from India!” 

“Let me go, you…!” 

“Ah, there, there,” whispered Kaa, his eyes starting to glow.  “When the presssssssuressss of life get you down, thatssss the time to sssssssleep.  Ssssssssleep.  Ssssssleep.” 

Punchline tried to close her eyes but she was soon trapped in Kaa’s gaze.  Her face went blank as she was pulled in closer to the snake’s open mouth. 

“Kaa?” 

Kaa stopped drawing in Punchline and looked down at the Ha-Hacienda’s floor to see Shere Khan waiting beneath him.  “You would agree that it should be I who gets the lion’s… or rather tiger’s share, don’t you?” 

Kaa gulped.  “Oh, oh yesssss, Sssshere Khan.  It’ssss jusssst that I am sssssso famisssssshed.” 

“Don’t worry, Kaa.  I’ll be sure to save some for you.  Now if you would be so kind as to send down my supper?” 

Punchline was too trapped in Kaa’s hypnotic spell to realize her fate.  Kaa pulled back his coils and the Joker acolyte tumbled out of the rafters.  She regained just enough her senses to see the open jaws of Shere Khan waiting for her.