Match 20129 Santa Claus (Scott Calvin) vs. Marv and Harry, the Wet / Sticky Bandits

[Pizzaguy2995]

Dear Uncle Scott. Or I guess Santa Claus.

I regret to inform you that I won’t be able to spend Christmas at the North Pole this year, my parents decided that me and Charlie need to spend more time getting to know my dad’s side of the family and are taking us to Florida for Christmas. Believe me, I’m just as sicken about this as you are. 

But now I got bigger things to worry about. I got a bad feeling about this cop that came by our house this evening, or at least he claimed he was a cop but I think he was a bad guy in disguise. I’m positive I saw that uniform he was wearing at the costume store last Halloween, and he asked a lot of questions about our security system and what days we’d be in Florida. I tried to tell my parents about him but they wouldn’t listen to me, Charlie didn’t believe me either.

I know you’re gonna be super busy this time of year but could you please check by our house while we’re gone and make sure he doesn’t try to rob us? I still have that snow globe you got me last year and I’d hate for that big meanie to make off with it whilst I am away.

Merry Christmas Uncle Sco- Sorry, Santa Claus.

Lucy Miller.

P.S. I’ll leave some milk and cookies out for you before I go.

************************************

“Pardon me for speaking out of term Santa, but need I remind you that Christmas is just around the corner and that we’re still below the toy line for children this year? We kinda need you at the North Pole there sir,” the dry voice of Bernard came from the sleigh’s walkie talkie.

“Relax Bernard I’ll be back before you can even miss me. I just gotta check on the house real quick, I promised Lucy I would make sure no bad guys were gonna sack the place while she’s gone,” Scott Calvin/Santa Claus replied to his Head Elf.

“With all due respect Santa, is it possible that that she might be mistaken about this ‘burglar disguised as a cop’ thing?” Bernard asked in annoyance.

“Well, yeah most likely she is. But Lucy’s real worried and I promised her I’d check on the house. So I’ll just hang around for an hour or two and then head back to the North Pole with plenty of time to finish preparations,” Scott assured his elf before bringing his reindeer drawn sleigh down for a landing.

Leaving the reindeer on the roof Scott quickly went down the chimney and arrived in the living room, finding a plate of milk and cookies waiting for him.

“Thank you Lucy,” Scott smiled as he dug into his treats.

************************************

Outside the Miller house, a suspicious looking van parked outside the driveway.

“This is the last house on the block Marv, belonging to a Dr. Neil Miller,” Snickered the diminutive Harry.

“Oh we get to rob a doctor’s house Harry?” The slow witted Marv excitedly asked.

“A psychiatrist’s house Marv. Lucky for us they make a good wage as well,” Harry grabbed his crowbar as they exited the van.

“What’s up with that anyways? I mean I never saw a psychiatrist and look at me!” Marv spread his arms with a smile.

“The perfect picture of mental health,” Harry sarcastically agreed. “You check the windows, I’ll try the back door.”

The two crooks split up, with Marv making his way to the windows on the East side of the house. Using his crowbar to force open the window, Marv climbed through the opening as silently as the night. Not able to see in the pitch black room Marv pulled out his flashlight but struggled to turn it on, wacking it several times until finally it turned to reveal he wasn’t alone.

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Screamed Calvin.

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Screamed Marv in a much higher pitched tone.

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH- Oh dammit! You made me spill my milk and cookies!” Scott complained about his ruined treats.

Still screaming Marv leaped out the window that he came in through, the snow only barely cushioned the fall. Crawling to his feet Marv scrambled around the house, shouting out to his partner.

“Harry! I saw him Harry! He’s real!” 

“Wha-? Marv?” Harry barely had time to react before his partner came barreling into him. “Ow! What the heck is wrong with you?”

“Santi Claus is in the house!”

“What?”

“Santi Claus is in that house!”

“Get off of me! What are you talking about Marv?”

“SANTI CLAUS IS IN THAT FRICKING HOUSE HARRY! I saw him with my own eyes!” Marv exclaimed pointing at the house wildly!

“Marv would you calm down already? Need I remind you that A, the house is deserted, you probably just got spooked by your own shadow. B, why the hell would Santa Claus be in someone’s house in the days leading up to Christmas? And C, none of that matters because Santa Claus is not real!” Harry furiously berated his associate.

“HO, HO, HO! Merry Christmas to all!”

Harry and Marv nearly jumped out of their skins as they looked up towards the rooftop to see none other then the jolly old Kris Kringle himself.

“What the friggity, friggidy, frackle?” Harry couldn’t believe his eyes.

“It’s him! I told you I saw him Harry! I told you!” Marv exclaimed half shocked but half excited as well.

“That’s right little boys, it is I! Santa Claus himself! And I must say I am very disappointed in both of your behaviors this year. I see many lumps of coal in your near future, not to mention a long stay in the state penitentiary. But since it’s “Tis the season to be jolly” and all, Santa Claus is giving you one last chance to change your naughty ways. Go home and never trouble another household again or else I’ll-“

(Reindeer Farting)

“Are you serious Comet? I’m right in the middle of this big, important speech and you go and do that?” Scott Calvin demanded.

Comet the reindeer bellowed and bleated in annoyance at his Santa.

“Carrots? Look sorry but Lucy forgot to lay out some carrots for you guys. And now really not the time for it anyways,” Scott argued back with his reindeer. 

“The magic reindeer! Harry! It’s Santi Claus’ magic reindeer!” Marv cheerfully shook his friend like an excited little kid.

“Yeah if he bought ‘em from a reject circus! Don’t tell me you’re buying this load of baloney Marv!” Harry irritatedly brushed off his partner in crime.

“Look guys I’ll get you some chow when we get back home, for now let me handle these guys,” Scott finally managed to settle down his disgruntled steeds.

“Hey! Big Red! Look this whole schtick of yours is very amusing. Robbing houses dressed as discount Saint Nick is a little much for my taste but I respect the commitment. But pal, this is our racket! And we aren’t in the mood to share, capisce?” Harry shouted up at the jolly old elf.

“Hey I told you I’m the real Santa Claus. And I’m not trying to rob this house, I’m trying to stop you guys from robbing it!” Scott shouted back down at the burglar.

“Oh sure, you’re Santa Claus and I’m the freaking Tooth Fairy! I just forgot my wings back in my home in Fairy Tail Land!” Harry sarcastically replied.

“I played a round of poker with the tooth fairy last week pal. And I don’t remember him being a short, pudgy Italian guy with a squeaky voice,” Scott deadpanned.

Marv snickered a bit at the jab, only for Harry to elbow him roughly in the gut.

“Shut up Marv! Now listen up you fat old geezer, you can call yourself whoever you like but we both know you ain’t the owner of this house, which makes you just as guilty as breaking and entering as we are. So unless you’re plan is to call the cops and try to explain to them how breaking and entering is okay as long as your “Santa Claus” I think you should listen to me carefully: we’ll pull back for now, but come midnight tomorrow we’ll be back to plunder this place for all it’s worth and if you’re stupid enough to get in our way again I’ll plug you full of so many holes your ass will whistle the National Anthem every time the wind blows! C’mon Marv let’s go!” 

“Uh by the way Santa! I sent my mom a homemade Christmas card this year! Will that help me get on the good list this year?”

“I said shut up Marv!”

Scott watched the two burglars drive away with a serious expression on his face. He hated to admit it but the short Italian guy was right, he couldn’t call the police just yet, not without having a lot of interesting conversations. So there was only one thing for him to do:

“Hey Bernard are you there? Bring along some of your best elves to Neil’s house. We gotta catch ourselves two unreformable naughty listers.”

************************************

Okay so I started this back in December as what was supposed to be my Christmas match but obviously I procrastinated on it hard. Sorry it’s so late after Christmas but here it is.

 

Basically can Tim Allen’s Santa Claus home alone Harry and Marv or do the Wet Bandits succeed in robbing the house? You decide.

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Santa Claus (Scott Calvin)
Read more about Santa Claus (Scott Calvin) at Wikipedia
Official Site: Disney Links: Wikipedia

Marv and Harry, the Wet / Sticky Bandits
Read more about Marv and Harry, the Wet / Sticky Bandits at Wikipedia
Official Site: 20th Century Studios Links: Wikipedia

[JohnnyChany]

Late or not this was a great idea for a Christmas match!

[RakaiThwei]

I'm gonna go with Scott Calvin here!

[DSkillz]

Another good set-up, Pizzaguy. I'll have to try to watch those Santa Clause films next holiday season, but you have Harry and Marv very much in character in their CBUB match debut. 

As for the match, since the Bandits were outsmarted by a(n admittedly very resourceful) kid, I'm not liking their odds against a Santa and his elves. I predict a lot of hijinks ensue before Harry and Marv get chased out and/or taken into custody. 

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
5.00 - JohnnyChany
5.00 - Boratz
4.20 - broadwaybeyonder
4.80 - DSkillz

FPA Calculation:
4 Total Votes cast
19.00 Total Combined Score
19.00 / 4 = 4.75 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Santa Claus (Scott Calvin): 5
Marv and Harry, the Wet / Sticky Bandits: 2