Match 20205 G.I. Joe vs. The Expendables

[broadwaybeyonder]

*THE FOLLOWING BROADCAST IS BEING PRESENTED BY THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL COMBAT COMMISSION.  ALL COMBATANTS MUST AGREE TO FOLLOW TCC GUIDELINES AT ALL TIMES.  SAFETY OF ATENDEES IS NOT GUARANTEED.* 

Al Rossi: HellooooooooOoOoOo, fight fans!  And welcome back to the TCC Arena!  It’s Al Rossi and Jedi Master Andel Sanap… 

Andel Sanap: May the Force be with you all! 

Al Rossi: Fresh off the completion of Battlesphere 2, which saw Hawkgirl become our 2^nd battle royal winner!  We are a little short handed today with Chloe Bourgeois sulking in her Paris mansion over the results, but Philippa is here as always to help us out with the interviews.  But today’s combatants aren’t much for talking, Andel!  In fact, this might go down as the most violent and explosive match yet! 

Andel Sanap: I would go so far to say, Al, that tonight’s action will more resemble a war than a match.  For tonight we will be bringing back another match type that was well received by the fans: a 25 vs 25 All Out War between G.I. Joe and the Expendables! 

Al Rossi: The last time we saw this was when Team Mortal Kombat fought against Team Forever Red!  For those of you who missed that thrilling contest, the rules are simple.  The match will start in the Gorge, our outdoor battlefield.  In both the Gorge and TCC Arena is an enormous pyramid with a portal at the top.  Whichever team is able to secure both pyramids and subdues all of their opponents wins. 

Andel Sanap: Both teams are being allowed access to whatever weapons and vehicles they have in their arsenals.  The G.I. Joe commanders have been in conference to hammer out their strategy and all of the rest of their force have been given strict orders not to have any interviews with Miss Forrester. 

Al Rossi: And the Expendables have not been seen here or at TCC Arena all day.  But we can at least give you the rundown of these two armies. 

Representing G.I. Joe, under the command of General Hawk:

Flint, Duke, Lady Jaye, Scarlett, Shipwreck, Roadblock, Gung Ho, Dusty, Beachhead, Alpine, Wet-Suit, Leatherneck, Sgt. Slaughter, Quick Kick, Wild Bill, Ace, Bazooka, Mutt, Cover Girl, Low-Light, Footloose, Barbecue, Spirit, and Snake Eyes. 

Andel Sanap: And representing the Expendables, led by Barney Ross:

Lee Christmas, Yin Yang, Gunner Jensen, Toll Road, Hale Caeser, Trench Mauser, Billy “the Kid”, Galgo, Doc, John Smilee, Luna, Thorn, Mars, Easy, Galan, Gina, Decha, Lash, Tool, Lone Wolf Booker, Bonaparte, Mr. Church, Maggie Chan, and Max Drummer. 

Al Rossi: And it looks like members of the Joe team are already mobilizing in the Gorge!  Still no sign of the Expendables anywhere.  I see one of our officials talking into his headset and, yes, we’re getting word up here too.  The Expendables are signaling the TCC they are ready to begin!  The ref is taking off the headset.  He points to the Joes! 

Referee: Combatants ready?  3!  2!  1!  Commence combat! 

Hawk: Alright, Joes!  Flint and Lady Jaye!  Take your squad up the pyramid to the portal!  Duke and Scarlett, take the perimeter!  The Expendables must be nearby! 

Flint: On it, General!  Alright you, yardbirds!  Roll out! 

Joes: YO JOE!!! 

Al Rossi: Flint and Lady Jaye sprint for the pyramid, followed by their squad!  I think I can see Shipwreck, Gung Ho, Alpine, Spirit, and Bazooka racing with them! 

Shipwreck: This is gonna be easier than I thought!  No sign of those old has-beens anywhere! 

Polly: Rawk!  Less talking, more running, sailor!  Rawk! 

Alpine: Better listen to your bird, Shipwreck!  Those guys are no joke! 

Shipwreck: Aw come off it, Alpine!  They probably heard I was in this fight and ran all the way back to…

KABOOM!! 

Andel Sanap: By the Force! 

Al Rossi: A shell!  Nearly missed the squad at the foot of the pyramid!  A tank is pulling in through the entrance to the Gorge!  And look!  Up there!  It’s the Expendables plane! 

Andel Sanap: And an attack helicopter alongside it!  The Expendables are here and ready for action! 

Polly: Rawk!  Anymore wise words, sailor?  Rawk! 

Flint: Take cover!  Bazooka!  Take out that chopper!  Spirt, you and Gung Ho go with Lady Jaye to secure that portal! 

Al Rossi: I see Mars and Toll Road looking out the top of the tank!  They’re getting ready for another shot! 

Toll Road: You sure you know how to drive this thing? 

Mars: Relax, man.  I know my equipment.  Fire in the hole! 

Al Rossi: The Joes are scrambling to defensive positions and opening fire on the tank!  They seem completely caught off guard!  Meanwhile we’ve got parachutes in the air as what appears to be Barney Ross, Lee Christmas, and Yin Yang skydive to the pyramid. 

Lee Christmas: You better be right about trusting Bonaparte to fly that plane! 

Barney Ross: Him and Church will be fine!  Now pipe down and shoot somebody! 

Andel Sanap: The helicopter, piloted by Mr. Drummer, is going into a strafing run!  Lady Jaye hurls one of her spears!  Bullseye!  The explosion rocks the ‘copter but it’s still airborne! 

Lady Jaye: General!  Either you need to get me a bigger spear or we better bring in some back up! 

Hawk: Say no more, Lady Jaye!  Charlie Squadron!  You are a go! 

Al Rossi: Now we’re talking!  A Skystriker and a Dragonfly helicopter streak over the Gorge!  The Expendables planes are forced to take evasive action! 

Wil Bill: Yeeehaw!  Let’s show these boys some real fancy flying, Ace! 

Ace: You got it, partner!  Time to shuffle the deck! 

Andel Sanap: Al!  A Mauler Tank is pulling into the other side of the Gorge!  Sgt. Slaughter is directing the reinforcements as Leatherneck and Barbecue lay down cover fire and Snake Eyes bolts up the steps of the pyramid! 

Al Rossi: The battle has been joined!  By land and by air, we are going to learn who the baddest soldiers on the planet really are! 

 

OK:

G.I. Joe (80s animated), under the command of General Hawk:

Flint, Duke, Lady Jaye, Scarlett, Shipwreck, Roadblock, Gung Ho, Dusty, Beachhead, Alpine, Wet-Suit, Leatherneck, Sgt. Slaughter, Quick Kick, Wild Bill, Ace, Bazooka, Mutt, Cover Girl, Low-Light, Footloose, Barbecue, Spirit, and Snake Eyes. 

VS

The Expendables, led by Barney Ross:

Lee Christmas, Yin Yang, Gunner Jensen, Toll Road, Hale Caeser, Trench Mauser, Billy “the Kid”, Galgo, Doc, John Smilee, Luna, Thorn, Mars, Easy, Galan, Gina, Decha, Lash, Tool, Lone Wolf Booker, Bonaparte, Mr. Church, Maggie Chan, and Max Drummer. 

Both have access to the vehicles listed in the set up and G.I. Joe ‘pets’ (Polly, Timber, Freedom, Junkyard) are in the battle, as well. 

Last army standing and in possession of both pyramids wins. 

Game On! 

[Callisto]

Learn More About
G.I. Joe
Read more about G.I. Joe at Wikipedia
Official Site: Hasbo Links: Wikipedia Yo Joe Joe Guide

The Expendables
Read more about The Expendables at Wikipedia
Official Site: Lions Gate Links: Wikipedia www.theexpendablesmovie.net www.fandango.com

[leroypowell3]

The Expendables are movie level good but GI Joe is America's Elite. 

[RakaiThwei]

Yeah, I would think that GI Joe definitely outclasses The Expendables by a long shot.

[Venom 2009]

YO JOE!!!

Anyway, I like the match, and give it a 5.0.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
5.00 - Pizzaguy2995
4.00 - Boratz
5.00 - Venom 2009

FPA Calculation:
3 Total Votes cast
14.00 Total Combined Score
14.00 / 3 = 4.67 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
G.I. Joe: 5
The Expendables: 3

[DSkillz]

Ah, I see someone might've been inspired by me picking G.I. Joe for the Draft.  😛 

Sorry about missing this match, though. I saw it up on Day 1 but I didn't get to it on time. I have to agree that the Joes rightfully won, and not just because they're on my Draft team, lol. From what I've heard, the Expendables are badasses in their own right, but they're also, per the films and the actors that play them, past their primes. The Joes are all still in prime condition. 

[broadwaybeyonder]

THE BOTTOM LINE

Andel Sanap: The battle has been waged for hours, ladies and gentlemen!  There are skirmishes occurring in the Gorge and TCC Arena.  Both forces’ vehicles have been destroyed, with Ace and Wild Bill outmaneuvering and bringing down the Expendables’ air and ground support. 

Al Rossi: But Mars’ tank soon returned the favor and took out the Joes!  The Joes have the Expendables pinned down here but… Oh boy.  There’s Booker and Caeser!  Both have automatic shotguns! 

Hawk: Get down!  Get down! 

Andel Sanap: By the Force!    The Joes barely avoid the barrage of bullets as the two Expendables make their advance! 

Hale Caeser: Oh yeah!  That’s right!  Don’t you Joes want to meet Omya Kaboom?! 

Booker: Stay focused!  Complete the mission! 

Hale Caeser: Oh, excuse me, Mr. Lone Wolf! 

Flint: Bazooka!  Front and center! 

Alpine: He means you, bozo!  Make with that oversized noisemaker already! 

Bazooka: Uh, ok. 

Al Rossi: The simpleminded Joe loads his weapon, aims, and…

KABOOOM! 

Al Rossi: And bazooka trumps shotgun! 

Andel Sanap: Caeser and Booker are down! 

G.I. Joes: YOOOO, JOE! 

Andel Sanap: And the Joes charge towards the remaining Expendables! 

Lee Christmas: Anymore bright ideas? 

Barney Ross: Yeah.  Reload. 

Al Rossi: I hate to break away from this, Andel, but we still got another battle happening at TCC Arena!  They’ve been going at it hand-to-hand nonstop!  Duke is holding off Trench, and Decha is trying to get the upperhand of Spirit!  Lash catches Scarlett’s wrist with her whip, but the lady Joe just yanks Lash to her to deliver a kick to the head! 

Andel Sanap: Shipwreck and Quick Kick are double teaming Galgo!  He fights to his feet but a final kick and punch combination takes him down! 

Shipwreck: See?  I told you these guys would be easy! 

Quick Kick: Yeah, Shipwreck!  I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship! 

Shipwreck: And speaking of beautiful… 

Al Rossi: Check it out!  They’ve spotted Luna heading straight for them! 

Quick Face: Hey, good looking!  How about we check out a movie after the fight? 

Andel Sanap: Luna responds by charging at Shipwreck and slamming him on his back!  Quick Kick leaps in with some offense but Luna dodges!  She’s got his arm!  Swings him down onto the stone steps of the pyramid and curb stomps him for good measure! 

Luna: Men. 

Scarlett: You don’t have to tell me. 

Al Rossi: Whoa!  Luna turned right into a right cross from Scarlett!  Andel!  In all this chaos have you seen Snake Eyes?  Last I saw he was eyeing over Yin! 

Andel Sanap: I believe I saw him on the far side of the pyramid.  Yes!  There they are!  Snake Eyes and Yin Yang facing off against each other!  Yin unleashes a flurry of kicks, but the ninja blocks!  Snake Eyes somersaults into the air before coming down for another strike! 

Al Rossi: I’m sorry, Andel, but we need to head back to the Gorge!  Things aren’t looking for the Expendables!  They’ve managed to take out Alpine and Bazooka, but the rest of the Joes are surrounding them! 

Sgt. Slaughter: Alright, you maggots!  If you know what’s good for ya, you better surrender! 

Barney Ross: I’ll get back to you on that!  Toll Road! 

Andel Sanap: Toll Road nearly spears Slaughter out of his boots!  Doc and Gunner try to jump into the fray but a Lady Jaye spear explodes into a net that captures them both! 

Al Rossi: Barney goes to his pistol!  Fires off a round that clips Hawk!  Flint readies his rifle only for Lee to stop him with a knife to the throat! 

Lady Jaye: FLINT! 

Al Rossi: Lady Jaye hurls another spear and Lee throws his knife!  Lee jumps out of the way of the spear!  The knife…! 

Andel Sanap: IS CAUGHT BY SNAKE EYES! 

Al Rossi: Where the heck did he come from?! 

Andel Sanap: The other Joes have emerged from the portal!  The TCC pyramid has been secured!  Snake Eyes, Scarlett, Spirit, and Duke have arrived! 

Al Rossi: Lee pulls out a fresh blade, and Snake Eyes draws his katana! 

Lee Christmas: Let’s see what you got! 

Andel Sanap: Barney is reloading his pistol but Duke tackles him to the ground! 

Al Rossi: He goes for some good old ground and pound but Barney kicks him off! 

Duke: It’s over, Ross!  You can’t win this!  Stand down! 

Barney Ross: No.  If we’re going down, we fight to the last man, ‘till my last breath! 

Duke: Have it your way! 

Andel Sanap: The Joes are quickly apprehending and subduing the remaining Expendables!  Sgt. Slaughter suplexes Toll Road into the ground!  Gunner and Doc have broken free of Lady Jaye’s net but are quickly met by Spirit and Roadblock! 

Al Rossi: And Snake Eyes is overwhelming Lee!  Lee Christmas goes for his knife but Snake Eyes catches his wrist!  Spins around the blade and YOWCH!  Don’t mess with a ninja! 

Andel Sanap: Barney Ross lifts Duke off his feet but the Joe field commander delivers a strike to the neck to stun the leader of the Expendables!  Now he’s raining down blows to the head!  Over and over! 

Al Rossi: They’re starting to take effect!  Ross can’t take too much more of this!  He drops to a knee with Duke standing over him!  One of Barney’s eyes is swollen shut as he glares up at Duke! 

Barney Ross: Well?  What are you waiting for?  Finish it! 

Duke: You’re a good man, Ross.  But you’re not the best! 

Al Rossi: A final haymaker and down goes Barney!  The officials at both the Gorge and TCC Arena are communicating over their headsets.  They’re checking to see if all of the Expendables have been subdued.  And yes!  The ref is calling for the bell! 

Referee: Your winners: G.I. JOE!!!! 

G.I. Joes: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JOE! 

Andel Sanap: An incredible struggle, Al! 

Al Rossi: You said it, Andel!  Mercy is going to have to be paid overtime for all the resurrecting and healing after this bout!  All that’s left for now is for us to say congratulations to G.I. Joe, and for Andel, me and everybody at the TCC, so long from the Gorge!  Good night, everybody! 

Philippa Forrester: Chloe!  Where were you?  We’ve been looking for you all through the fight! 

Chloe Bourgeois: Hmph!  If you ask me there’s been too much fighting!  Why does there have to be so much violence?! 

Philippa Forrester: Um, is this really about there being too much fighting, or too many fights you’re losing? 

Chloe Bourgeois: Ugh!  Ridiculous!  Utterly RIDICULOUS!