Match 20432 Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy vs. The Quiznos Rats

[broadwaybeyonder]

Jane stood slumped over her cash register.  The blonde teenager idly pressed the buttons as pop music that was 10 years out of style played over the speakers.  “You need to get a job!” her parents had said.  “You need to pay your fair share to get to college!”  But even though she had known that there was a chance she would wind up stuck with a bad job, not even Jane had imagined she’d wind up having to work at a practically forgotten Quizos. 

The door to the restaurant opened and a short, fat man with a sandwich for a head waddled in.  Jane didn’t even look up from the register as he approached the counter.  “Hi.  Welcome to Quiznos,” she said in a bored tone.  “I’m Jane.  What can I start for you today?” 

The man’s face lit up for a moment.  “Oh, hi Jane!  Err, I mean, uh… You can start by putting your hands up!”  The man pulled out an enormous gun with ketchup, mustard, and relish bottles attached to it.  Jane slowly looked up when what the man had said had finally registered in her mind.  “Uhhhh, who the heck are you?” 

“Who am I?!” the man said indignantly.  “I’m Chuck!  You know?  Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy?  One of the worlds biggest supervillains?” 

“Um, yeah, never heard of you.” 

“Really?!  Aw man!  And I’ve been trying to get my name out there, you know?  Put up flyers, started a hashtag!” 

Jane looked unimpressed and shouted towards the backroom of the restaurant.  “Hey, Walt!  Could you come out here?” 

Walt, a boy with brown hair and stubble, walked into the dining area wiping his hands on his apron.  “What is it, Jane?  Boss was telling me to get the inventory done and… Who the heck is that?” 

“Said something about being a sandwich guy?” 

“It’s not ‘Sandwich Guy!”’ Chuck whined.  “It’s Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy!   Now come on!  Put up your hands!  I need to get this hold up over with before dinner.  Mom’s making meatloaf tonight.” 

“I really don’t know what his deal is,” Jane went on.  “I just figured he was one of your friends you got to prank me.” 

“I’ve never seen him before,” said Walt.  “He’s just some nut with a water gun and a… is that a mask or does he have a… sandwich head?” 

“Uh, guys?  I’m right here!” said Chuck.  “Stop being rude and put your hands up already!  Or I’ll have to use my condiment gun!” 

“Look, buddy!” snapped Walt.  “Why don’t you just get out of here?  We got work to do, and we don’t want to waste the cops time calling them to arrest a nut like you.” 

Chuck looked hurt for a moment, then his expression hardened.  “Oh yeah?  A nut?!  Oh, you asked for it!” 

Chuck aimed his condiment gun at the two Quiznos employees and pulled the trigger.  The gun let out a pathetic sounding bleep then powered down. 

“Aw man!” Chuck moaned.  “Not again!  I thought I really got it working this time!” 

Walt scowled as he walked around the counter.  “Okay, show’s over!  Either you’re leaving or I’m gonna…” 

Chuck pulled the trigger on the condiment gun again and a blast of ketchup shot out and sent Walt flying.  He landed with a splat onto a table, glued to the spot by the ketchup.  Chuck beamed with pride.  “It worked!  My ketchup ray worked!  I mean, uh, that’ll teach you to be rude to Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy!” 

Jane slowly put up a hand as she tried to open the register.  “Listen, mister, take it easy.  If you want to rob us, we’ll give you our money.” 

“Money?!”  Chuck folded his arms in disgust.  “I don’t want your money!  I want your sandwiches!” 

“Uh, sandwiches?” 

“Yeah!  I want every single sandwich you’ve got in this place, and I want it now!” 

Walt struggled to free himself from the ketchup as he shouted.  “I told you he was nuts!  Why else would he dress like that to steal sandwiches?!” 

“There you go being rude again,” Chuck sighed.  “Well if you gotta know, I just learned that there aren’t a whole lot of these Quiznos open anymore.  That means the sandwiches you make here are really, really… Oh I don’t know, what’s the word?” 

“Rare?” offered Jane. 

“Nah, I like my sandwiches well done.” 

“Not that kind of rare!  Rare as in valuable!  Because there isn’t a lot of whatever it is!” 

Chuck considered for a moment then shrugged.  “Yeah, that sounds good enough.  Anyways, I figured if these sandwiches are so… rare and valuable, that there just the sort of thing a supervillain like me could steal!”  He aimed his condiment gun at Jane.  “So get started making sandwiches fast!  Unless you wanna see what the mustard ray can…  Um, do you hear that?” 

Jane gulped as the condiment gun was pointed right at her face.  “Hear what?” 

“That dopey sounding guitar music?  Turn it off!  I’m trying to deliver a supervillain monologue here!” 

But the music played on.  Chuck looked around the room until he found the source of the music.  Sitting on a shelf overlooking the dining area were two rat sized creatures wearing hats.  The one in a Napoleon hat strummed a guitar while the one in a bowler sang. 

We love the sUuUuUbS! 

Cuz they are good to us! 

The Quiznos sUuUuUbS! 

They warm and they are tasty,

And the guy is gonna steal them! 

He’s got a sandwich head! 

Chuck stared at the rats in confusion.  Jane and Walt just grew even more confused from the point Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy had walked into their restaurant. 

“Um, listen, little… whatever you ares!” said Chuck.  “Could you guys cut it out?  I’m trying to have a hold up here?” 

The rats glanced at each other, then continued the song. 

We love the sUuUuUbs! 

But don’t we don’t like that guy! 

Don’t let him take the sUuUuUbs! 

He takes the subs then we don’t eat!

If we don’t eat we die of hunger! 

His sandwich head is weird! 

“ALRIGHT!  THAT DOES IT!”  Chuck swung his condiment gun to aim it at the rats and fired.  The rats leapt off the shelf just as a blast of mustard enveloped it.  Jane ducked under the counter as Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy continued blasting and the rats continued to perform the song at a faster tempo while dodging blasts of condiments. 

 

OK:

Chuck wins by immobilizing the rats and completing his hold up. 

Rats win by driving Chuck out of the Quiznos. 

Game On! 

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy
Read more about Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy at Wikipedia
Official Site: PBS kids Links: Wikipedia PBS kids WordGirl Wiki

The Quiznos Rats
Read more about The Quiznos Rats at Wikipedia
Official Site: Quiznos Links: Wikipedia

[broadwaybeyonder]

For those wondering, who the heck are these guys?  

Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy being an even bigger softie for more than 15 minutes (youtube.com)

Spongmonkey Compilation! (youtube.com)

 

[leroypowell3]

I love Word Girl!

[leroypowell3]

Since hes' a bonafied supervillain Chuck should be able to pull off robbery.

[SSJRuss]

Love the use of strange, underrated characters. I'm pulling for Quiznos!

[JohnnyChany]

I echo that sentiment. I always enjoy seeing the results of your database deep dives.  Definitely knew nothing about either of these picks.

[Venom 2009]

I seen the Quiznos Rats on a video from Channel Awesome. 😁

I like the setup and give it a 5.0.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
4.80 - SSJRuss
5.00 - JohnnyChany
5.00 - Venom 2009
4.50 - Boratz

FPA Calculation:
4 Total Votes cast
19.30 Total Combined Score
19.30 / 4 = 4.83 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy: 2
The Quiznos Rats: 3

[broadwaybeyonder]

THE BOTTOM LINE

The Quiznos Rats scurried around the floor as Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy fired his condiment gun at them.  The rat on the guitar played faster and faster and the singing rat kept on with his song.  

We love the sUuUuUbs! 

He’s messing up the place! 

He’s shoots at uUuUuUs! 

Shooting ketchup, shooting mustard,

And some green stuff, maybe relish! 

Good thing his aim is bad! 

“Stoppit!  Stop that goofy song and stay still!” 

The rats darted to the corner of the room and scampered towards the door, only for a blob of ketchup to block their path.  Chuck fired another shot to corner the two creatures in the corner.  The two rats huddled together as Chuck advanced on them, grinning maniacally. 

“Ha!  Now I got you!  Just one more blast of my condiment gun, and then I can get back to my robbery!” 

“You are so going to pay for all this!” Jane shouted from behind the counter. 

“Yeah!” shouted Walt, still pinned to a table in ketchup.  “There’s no way I’m cleaning up all this gunk!” 

“Do you mind?  I’m trying to have a moment here!” 

When Chuck turned back to the rats in the corner, he was surprised to see they weren’t there.  He looked up to see that the two rats had sprouted angel wings and were hovering in front of him.  “Uhhhh, wasn’t expecting that,” he said stunned. 

We love the sUuUuUbs! 

But now we had enough! 

And you whAaAaAt? 

We have wings and we can fly,

Like we did back in that commercial! 

And now we come for you! 

The guitar playing rat swooped down onto Chuck and started repeatedly hitting him on his head with the guitar.  Chuck yelped and tried to bat the rat away as the singing rat flew over to a tray of French bread loaves.  “Ow!  OW!  Come on!  Cut it out!  OwWwW!” 

Staying low, Jane ran out from behind the counter and over to the table where Walt was stuck.  “Hurry!” he whispered.  “While he’s dealing those… whatever they are!  Get me out of this ketchup!” 

“Yeah, just one thing.” 

“What?” 

“I need a raise.” 

“WHAT?!” 

“And I would like Fridays off.” 

“UGH!  Fine!  Just get me out of this!” 

Meanwhile the singing rat zoomed above the restaurant floor wielding two baguettes.  He joined the guitar playing rat in the assault on Chuck, landing blow after blow. 

“OW!  YOWCH!  Hey, that really YOWCH!  Smarts!  OWWWW!  Aw to heck with it!  I’m OWCH!  Outta here!  Maybe I can get home in time for OW! Meatloaf!” 

With that, Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy ran out of the door of the Quiznos.  The two rats landed on a table, their wings disappearing as the guitar playing rat played a dramatic finish. 

We love the sUuUuUbs! 

And now we saved the day! 

We saved the sUuUuUbs! 

Now we’re gonna to take a break,

Cuz all that fighting makes us hungry! 

Let’s go eat on the Moon! 

The two rats took bites out of the baguettes and disappeared.  Julie and Walt stared at the empty table then looked at each other.  “You didn’t.  See.  Anything,” said Walt. 

“As long as I get my raise,” said Julie. 

“Deal.  Now get back to the counter!  I need to wipe all this ketchup off me!” 

Walt stomped to the bathroom, leaving a trail of ketchup behind him.  As Julie returned to the register, she heard the door to the Quiznos open again.  “Welcome to Quiznos.  My name is Julie.  What can I get sta….” 

Julie looked up and froze mid-sentence.  Before her stood a short figure in a black hat and a black and white striped suit.  Next to him as a man in a teal unitard and a pickle helmet. 

“Attention, citizen!  This is a stick up!  Reach for the sky!” 

“Robble robble!” 

“Oh, don’t give me that baloney!  Let the cosmically creative Condiment King handle this!” 

Julie stared blankly for a moment, then looked over her shoulder to the bathroom.  “WALT!”