Match 20642 Banjo and Kazooie vs. Crash Bandicoot

[broadwaybeyonder]

*THE FOLLOWING BROADCAST IS BEING PRESENTED BY THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL COMBAT COMMISSION.  ALL COMBATANTS MUST AGREE TO FOLLOW TCC GUIDELINES AT ALL TIMES.  SAFETY OF ATENDEES IS NOT GUARANTEED.* 

Al Rossi: Hellooooooo, fight fans!  We’re back!  Coming to live from the TCC Arena to bring you more action courtesy of the Transdimensional Combat Commission!  It’s Al Rossi reporting… 

Andel Sanap: And Jedi Master Andel Sanap.  May the Force be with you all!  Tonight we will be witnessing a battle of anthropomorphic heroes!  The team of Banjo-Kazooie shall be facing off against the uncouth but fearless Crash Bandicoot! 

Al Rossi: Both of these heroes burst onto the scene at roughly the same time, and their fans are anxious to see which one of them finally comes out on top!  The TCC officials have announced that the battle terrain will be a neutral ground: Princess Peach’s Castle from Super Mario 64! 

Andel Sanap: Although the location is new to both combatants, they will certainly recognize some familiar sights.    The TCC have scattered several items and power ups for Banjo-Kazooie and Crash to use.  For the bear and bird, there are honeycombs for health, eggs for ammunition, and tokens to summon the magic of their ally: the shaman Mumbo Jumbo. 

Al Rossi: Which tonight will be a power up to balance out the potential effects of Crash’s Aku Aku crates.  Crash will also have access to life crates and Wumpa fruit to load into his Fruit Bazooka.  The combatants can only use their own items but can destroy their opponents’.  The only item that both Banjo-Kazooie and Crash can use are the red feathers, which will allow Crash to fly, as well.  Um, if he can learn how to use them. 

Andel Sanap: I’m sorry to interrupt, Al, but we also do have some non-combat business to discuss.  Many fans have been wondering about what took place in the final moments of Ironheart vs Batwing.  Unfortunately, both combatants had used an EMP at the same time which overloaded our systems along with their own.  The shielding of the battle terrain should have contained the blast, but there appeared to be an unexpected malfunction. 

Al Rossi: And the footage of the fight has now gone missing too, along with the footage of the last two fights constructed by our boss broadwaybeyonder.  But don’t worry, folks, will get that footage to you AND get that rematch for Ironheart and Batwing at a later date.  For now, we do have some footage of our very own Philippa Forrester when she sat down with our combatants earlier today!  Roll it! 

Philippa Forrester: Hello, everyone!  Philippa reporting in!  I’m here with Banjo-Kazooie and Crash Bandicoot, along with their advisors Mumbo Jumbo and Aku Aku, and their sisters Tooty and Coco!  Banjo and Kazooie, how excited are you to enter the battle terrain? 

Banjo: Yuh huh!  Yuh huh!  Yuh huh! 

Kazooie: Bbbbbbreeeee! 

Philippa Forrester: … Oookay.  Tooty!  How have you been helping your brother train for this fight? 

Tooty: Um oh! Oh! Oh!  Um um Oh! 

Philippa Forrester: Okay, booth.  We seem to be having a little trouble with the translator.  Have you got it working now?  Alright.  Let’s try this again.  Mumbo Jumbo, what advice can you give to Banjo-Kazooie? 

Mumbo Jumbo: Mumbo Jumbo is best shaman in all website!  Bear and bird have no problem with orange weasel. 

Coco: He’s no weasel!  We’re Bandicoots! 

Aku Aku: Calm yourself, child.  Banjo-Kazooie is a worthy opponent, but Crash is more than ready for them. 

Kazooie: Hmph!  Big talk for a floating head! 

Banjo: Kazooie!  There’s no need to be rude.  Let’s just go out there and have a good fight, okay, Crash? 

Crash Bandicoot: … 

Tooty: Um, does he say anything or does just stand there smiling like that? 

Coco: You worry about your brother, and I’ll worry about mine, shorty! 

Philippa Forrester: Okay, I think we’re done here!  Back to you at the desk! 

Andel Sanap: A great deal of fighting words from the entourages of our combatants, but it seems Banjo at least is willing to be civil. 

Al Rossi: Well, it’s gonna take a lot more than civility to beat Crash!  Let’s send it down to Justin Roberts for the introductions! 

Justin Roberts: The following contest is a Last Man… Creature Standing Match!  All items and crates on the battle terrain are legal and whoever is able to answer the count of 10 over his opponent will be declared the winner!  Introducing first, from Spiral Mountain on the Isle O’ Hags, the team of… BANJOOOOOOO-KAZOOOOOOIEEEEEEEE!!! 

Al Rossi: Cheers from the crowd as Banjo plays his namesake instrument, but Kazooie’s eyes are locked on their opponent. 

Justin Roberts: And their opponent, from North Sanity in the Wumpa Islands… CRRRRRRAAAAAASH BANDICOOOOOOOOOT!!! 

Andel Sanap: Crash jumps up and down in excitement and waves to the crowd. 

Coco: Go get ‘em, Crash! 

Aku Aku: Remember your training, my son. 

Mumbo Jumo: Mumbo say flatten orange weasel! 

Coco: Bandicoot! 

Tooty: Whatever! 

Al Rossi: Here comes the official!  He better start this fight before the combatants’ squad star their own! 

Referee: Combatants ready?  3!  2!  1!  Commence combat! 

Andel Sanap: By the Force!  Crash goes straight into his trademark spin! 

Al Rossi: Kazooie hoists Banjo onto her back and scurries out of the way!  Now, Banjo goes back on his feet to snatch a handful of eggs!  He um, loads them into Kazooie and fires! 

Andel Sanap: A hit!  Crash looks stunned but runs over to a life crate and smashes it open to bring him back to full health. 

Al Rossi: It’s a battle of bears, birds, and bandicoots!  Which beasts will be battered and who will be boss of the battle terrain?! 

Andel Sanap: You’re getting better with alliteration. 

Al Rossi: Thanks. 

 

OK:

Banjo-Kazooie and Crash Bandicoot are in a simulation of Princess Peach’s Castle from Super Mario 64.  The fight must stay on there, no jumping to other Mario locations.  Their various items/power ups are scattered around the map. 

                                          Health       Ammo                  Magic                                   Flight

Banjo-Kazooie’s-            Honeycombs   Eggs                      Mumbo Tokens                 Red Feathers

Crash Bandicoot-           Life Crates        Wumpa Fruits       Aku Aku Crates                Red Feathers

Last combatant standing, wins. 

Game On!          

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Banjo and Kazooie
Read more about Banjo and Kazooie at Wikipedia
Official Site: Rare Ltd. Links: Wikipedia Everything2 Official Website

Crash Bandicoot
Read more about Crash Bandicoot at Wikipedia
Official Site: naughtydog Links: naughtydog.com crashbandicoot.com en.wikipedia.org

[patrickthekid]

Just by the sheer amount of invulnerability, Wonder Wing would outlast the mask.

[JohnnyChany]

Going with Crash. I think either could win so I'm picking from my personal experience of playing more Crash games.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
4.50 - Fox
4.50 - JohnnyChany

FPA Calculation:
2 Total Votes cast
9.00 Total Combined Score
9.00 / 2 = 4.50 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Banjo and Kazooie: 2
Crash Bandicoot: 3

[broadwaybeyonder]

AND FINALLY THE BOTTOM LINE

Al Rossi: Control Room?  Are we back on?  Sheesh, you’d think if the TCC was able to maintain a time portal, a dimensional gate, AND a paradox barrier they’d have equipment to keep the feed from being interrupted! 

Andel Sanap: Patience, Al.  We are back with our viewers.  And I must say they join us in the middle of a thrilling contest!  The fight has taken us to the main hall of Princess Peach’s Castle Crash Bandicoot has been attempting to evade Banjo-Kazooie, who have utilized the red feathers to take to the air! 

Al Rossi: Banjo flips Kazooie into attack mode and fires off some eggs!  Crash dodges and ducks behind a staircase.  He smashes open a life crate to build up his strength.  He’s glancing around looking for another power up as Banjo gets carried by Kazooie to higher ground. 

Andel Sanap: But look!  Crash Bandicoot has spotted something!  It’s a red feather!  Would the bandicoot really be foolhardy enough to use it?  He’s never flown under his own power before! 

Al Rossi: Well, it looks like he’s gonna try to do it today!  Banjo aims Kazooie at Crash!  Crash spins across the floor, the eggs ricocheting off him around the room.  Kazooie does not look pleased with the idea of her ammo being wasted! 

Andel Sanap: He’s reached the feather!  He grabs hold of it and starts to levitate off the ground! 

Aku Aku: Be careful, my son! 

Coco:  Just go get ‘em! 

Al Rossi: Crash looks as confident as ever!  However, he’s still rising into the air.  He’s almost at the ceiling!  Now he comes to a halt, just missing another egg hitting above him.  Now he lunges forward!  He’s going into a nosedive, straight for his opponents! 

Andel Sanap: And straight passed them into the wall behind him. 

Mumbo Jumbo: Heh heh.  Now Mumbo know why orange weasel named Crash.  Heh heh. 

Tooty: Now’s your chance, Banjo! 

Andel Sanap: A mighty leap from Banjo!  He pounces on the still dizzy bandicoot.  A slash of his claw leaves the combatant reeling! 

Al Rossi: Kazooie gets in a few shots of her own with her beak!  Crash stumbles back into another crate.  He looks behind him and sees that he’s cornered but… why’s he still smiling? 

Andel Sanap: That’s no ordinary crate.  It’s an Aku Aku crate!  Banjo fires Kazooie, but Crash flips up, over, and down! 

Aku Aku: Ooga booga! 

Al Rossi: And the witch doctor’s spirit is released!  Crash dons the mask and charges at Banjo-Kazooie! 

Tooty: Get out of there, Banjo! 

Mumbo Jumbo: Quick!  Mumbo token right behind you! 

Al Rossi: Banjo books it for the token, dragging Kazooie behind him!  Crash is hot on their tails, smashing through his crates for Wumpa fruit while demolishing Banjo-Kazooie’s along the way! 

Andel Sanap: Kazooie gets him airborne, and he lands on top of the Mumbo Token! 

Mumbo Jumbo: Oomahnaka! 

Al Rossi: And now Banjo is sporting a Mumbo mask!  Kazooie ducks inside the backpack as Crash pounces!  The two combatants’ strikes bounce off each other, the magic of their power ups unable to penetrate the other! 

Andel Sanap: The Aku Aku mask is beginning to fade!  Crash Bandicoot is vulnerable!  Kazooie delivers a series of strikes!  This might be it for the Bandicoot! 

Kazooie: Come on, Banjo!  One more hit from my eggs and this goofball is toast! 

Banjo: Alright, Kazooie! 

Al Rossi: Questionable move by Banjo!  He’s still got a few moments of invulnerability left from Mumbo!  He flips Kazooie into egg shooting mode and aims!  Crash is going straight for them!  

Andel Sanap: By the Force!  He’s going into his slide!  The eggs miss going over his head!  The bandicoot slides under Kazooie and knocks the legs out from under Banjo just as the Mumbo token wore off! 

Mumbo Jumbo: Umm uh oh. 

Tooty: Banjo!  Look out! 

Al Rossi: Kazooie has been sent into the air and out of Banjo’s grip!  But Crash is there!  He snatches the bird out of the sky and delivers a clubbing blow to the bear! 

Andel Sanap: Banjo has often used this attack on his foes!  He’s staggered, and Crash Bandicoot slams Kazooie a few more times on the ground, head-first! 

Al Rossi: The breegull is down for the count!  And Banjo is looking furious!  He goes for a claw strike but Crash is already got the Fruit Cannon out! 

KABOOM! 

Andel Sanap: By the Force! 

Al Rossi: Wumpa Fruit to the face at close range!  Banjo got blasted out the doors of the palace!  He’s seeing stars!  One more Wumpa Fruit should… Uh, why is Crash throwing away the Fruit Cannon? 

Andel Sanap: I believe Crash Bandicoot wants to finish this battle in his own way, Al. 

Al Rossi: He’s measuring the distance.  He runs, he leaps! 

Banjo: …doh. 

WHAM! 

Al Rossi: Body Slam! 

Referee: Your winner: Crash Bandicoot! 

Andel Sanap: An impressive contest of our andromorphic combatants, Al! 

Al Rossi: You said it, partner.  Now we need to get Mercy out there to peel Banjo off Princess Peach’s bridge.   But don’t worry, folks, we’ve got another battle coming your way soon!  Stay tuned!  For all of us here at TCC Arena, this is Al Rossi and Jedi Master Andel Sanap signing off! 

Aku Aku: It was a hard-fought battle, Mumbo.  You have trained Banjo-Kazooie well. 

Mumbo Jumbo: Hmph.  Mumbo doesn’t need sympathy from floating head man.