Match 20791 Deadpool vs. Beetlejuice

[Boratz]

Here's the story of a lovely Deadpool,
Who was bringing up many lovely weapons.
Most of them had customized gold plates like their dual desert eagle companions.
The smallest weapon was strapped to his lower back.
 
 
Here's the story of a ghost named Betelgeuse
Who was busy with his bio-exorcist business.
He was summoned to scare away the living from a house
Yet he was not alone.
 
'Til the one day when the Merc with the Mouth met this Ghost with the Most
And they knew that it was much more than a chance encounter
That this insane duo must somehow fight it out for the prize,
That's the way we all will read the battle between the two
 
The deranged duo, the deranged duo
That's the way the deranged duo became involved in a chaotic battle
 
"Oh, hey there! It is me, Deadpool. You may be wondering why you are reading something that I am supposedly narrating to you. Well, the short answer is there is a pricky douchebag that is typing this instead of trying not to fall asleep while he is holding his one-year-old baby. Yeah, that is right! The idiot, Boratz decided to use me in one of his stupid little matches for all your entertainment! Well, I hope this makes you happy because here is where this little tale begins. I was just minding my own business after taking out a group of some bad jerk wads when I got a call for a new job. Now, I know what you may be thinking; 'Who were the bad jerk wad? Why do I even bother to read this garbage from some dorky douchebag on some random website?' Well, let me tell you all those bad guys did everything under the sun from murder to trafficking. Their story is over now. The real meat of this story comes from the new job that I got a call about. Let's take a little bit of a looksy."
 
Smoke and flames reached as high as the night sky while the Merc with the Mouth was walking away from the burning compound. With the scarf of one of his fallen enemies, the Regenerative Degenerate wiped away the blood from his katanas. He could hear cheering and laughter while a group of children were running to their freedom. A small convoy of vehicles was approaching and Deadpool immediately knew that they were there to bring the children back to safety. The group of vehicles came to a stop and several men and women stepped out. They all greeted the children and promised that each one would get home to their families. There were tears of joy and sounds of laughter. The children hugged the men and women as tight as they could. Each one of the young children were overwhelmed with joy once they realized that they were rescued from their captivity. Deadpool stopped and watched while these children were given food and warm towels to wrap around them. The mutant shook his head and sighed. 
 
"Oh yes, celebrate with those guys! It's not like I was the one that had to come in and get my hands dirty or anything!" Deadpool yelled to himself while holstering his blades. "That is why we do it! At least until the next phone call."
 
Deep in his pocket, the Merc with the Mouth felt his phone going off. Wade shook his head and let out a groan. He dug into the pouches and pockets that he had on his gear. While continuing to dig, the deadly mutant cursed multiple profanities to himself while finally pulling out his old Nokia cellphone. Wade's white eyes around his mask widen while he looked over the ringing phone.
 
"What the ass? These really are indestructible!" He exclaimed while smashing down the answer bottom. "Deadpool is the name, getting paid to kill a bunch of baddies is the game! How can I help?!"
 
"Mr. Wilson, my benefactor has a special assignment for you. I am sending you coordinates now to his private island. You will be briefed once you have arrived." A mysterious female voice said before hanging up the phone.
 
"I am seriously getting some creepy billionaire rape vibes." Deadpool muttered to himself while looking down at the coordinates. 
 
While squinting his eyes, the Merc with the Mouth was able to make out the numbers on the coordinates. He opened the door to his bright red Volkswagen beetle and hopped into the driver's seat. The deadly mutant gently patted the dashboard of the small car. "Come on, Lovebug, let's go see a man about a dog!" Deadpool sped off from the burning compound with a trail of dust behind him. 
 
After traveling throughout the night, the Merc with the Mouth found himself at a port. Down by the docks, there were a group of men standing in front of a yacht. Wade stopped the car and looked down at the coordinates once again. He sighed while taking the key out of the ignition. Wade raised his hands up in the air while approaching the men. 
 
"I come in peace!" Deadpool shouted while steadily making his way toward the group. "Just don't make me wipe the lotion on!"
 
One of the men stepped forward and approached the deadly mutant. This man had long, dark and greasy hair that was pulled back into a ponytail. One of his ears had a small piercing. His dark eyes had wrinkled underneath that covered a couple scars that he had acquired over his lifetime. A thin silver chain necklace rested upon his collar. Wade could see the upper portions of a tattoo that ran down his neck and under the collar of his dark jacket. 
 
"Mr. Wilson, my employer has been expecting you." The man with the ponytail said with a thick accent. "We will be leaving soon to meet him at his island."
 
"Oh, hey every stereotypical '80's villain, I was hoping we would just meet on the Titanic over there." Wade said while pointing at the yacht. "I really didn't want to go to the rape island."
 
"Mr. Knowby does not like to be kept waiting." The man with the ponytail replied while waving his hand at the other guys in the group. 
 
The other group members grabbed a hold of Wade and dragged him to the yacht. "Well, it's not the Titanic but I guess it'll do. Just so you all know I tend to get seasick when I am around a bunch of ass holes!"
 
After being dragged onto the boat, Wade looked around at the different seats inside the yacht. He saw a nice comfortable chair to sit back on. Before he could get comfortable, one of the men said that was his seat. The man with the ponytail pointed at a small seat near a dark corner in the room. 
 
"You sit there!" He spit out with his thick accent.
 
"Oh, well that will do." Wade said while sitting on the small seat. "That is the stuff right there." He said to himself while looking over the men in the room.
 
It was not a long voyage until they reach their destination. Once they arrived, Wade jumped up from his small seat and started kicking out his legs. He stretched his arms and popped his back. The man with the ponytail led him off the yacht and onto this mysterious island. The Merc with the Mouth looked around in all directions as they passed by several statues in what appeared to be a massive courtyard. The mansion in the center of the island was large with a modern architecture. There were windows all over the mansion with dimly lit rooms in the interior.  Before Wade could make a comment, a door to the mansion opened wide. Wade looked away for a moment before entering the mansion.
 
“You may be wondering what that prick, Boratz has planned while writing this freaky little set-up. Well, I am wondering the exact same thing. He better not be sending me to some Buffalo Bill type billionaire freak’s dungeon or so help me, I will come out of this screen and rip him a new one.”
 
Wade followed the man with the ponytail into the mansion. Throughout the mansion, Deadpool’s eyes widened as he looked over suits of armor that were situated all throughout. There were medieval swords hanging on the walls and relics from ages long ago.
 
“Oh, this is much worse.” Deadpool said to himself before they entered a large office.
 
As they entered the room, Wade saw what appeared to be a young man in his thirties standing at the edge of the room. This young man stood next to a fireplace with his head looking down at the flames. The young man steadily turned around after his guest entered the room.
 
“Thanks Courtney, that will be all.” The young man said as the man with the ponytail nodded and walked out of the room.
 
“Courtney?!” Deadpool exclaimed while pointing his thumb back toward the direction of the door. “I did not peg him for a Courtney!”
 
“Hi, Mr. Wilson.” The man greeted while stepping in to shake Wade’s hand.
 
“I’m sorry, I am not a shaker. Especially when I don’t know who the hell I am dealing with.” Deadpool replied.
 
“Ha.” The man chuckled before turning toward his desk. “I was told you were the Merc with the Mouth. It is good to see that you live up to that portion of your name.”
 
“Speaking of names, I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure to be repulsed by yours yet.” Deadpool replied.
 
“Oh, sorry about that. My name is Miles Knowby.” The young man replied while pouring himself a glass of scotch. “Would you like one?” Miles said while lifting a glass toward the mutant.
 
“No thanks! I’m not sure if you put a little Cosby dust in there.” Deadpool replied.
 
“Ha. You certainly have a sense of humor.” Miles said while sitting back on his desk. “You may be wondering why I summoned you here.”
 
“Not in the ever so slightest.” Deadpool said with a sarcastic tone.
 
“Years ago… Before I was born, in fact, my grandfather found something. He found a book. One that represents his life’s work. He passed shortly after finding that book and the book was unfortunately lost over time. My family has been searching for it ever since.” Miles said before taking a sip from his scotch.
 
“Have you tried Barnes and Noble? I hear that they have a great selection of Fifty Shades of Mysterious.” Deadpool said with that same sarcastic tone.
 
“Recently, I have been made aware of its location. I have tried purchasing the book from the individual that has obtained it, but he has refused to sell it to me.” Miles replied while walking over toward the flames burning within the fireplace. “I have tried other means of acquiring it from him. Some not so friendly.”
 
“Have you tried saying pretty please with sugar on top?” Deadpool asked.
 
“I have sent individuals to try and acquire the book. Each one of them has either disappeared completely or have locked themselves away out of fear.” Miles said while looking back at the Merc with the Mouth.
 
“Fear of what?” Deadpool asked.
 
“I am not entirely sure.” Miles replied with a smile. “I hear you are one of the best operators in the world.”
 
“I have been told that I make a mean grilled cheese.” Deadpool said while shrugging his shoulders.
 
“I want that book, Mr. Wilson. I also do not want any unnecessary loose ends.” Miles replied.
 
“Not as good as a grilled cheese but I guess I can go snag it for you. Where is it at anyway? Somewhere tropical or a little bit cold? Middle east? South America? Russia? Alabama?” Deadpool asked.
 
“Winter River, Connecticut.” Miles replied while taking a sip of his scotch.
 
“What is this book anyway?” Deadpool asked.
 
“The Necronomicon Ex-Mortis. The man that took the book is named Charles Deetz.” Miles replied.
 
“Damn, I was sure hoping for a Bruce Campbell cameo but that doesn’t sound like that will happen in this one.” Deadpool replied while shaking his head. “Sure, I will get back your little book for you.”
 
After being brought back to the mainland, Wade was able to make his way to Connecticut. He eventually drove up to the driveway of Charles Deetz. Once he pulled up in front of the large home, the Merc with the Mouth got out and started stretching. Deadpool stood back and looked over the house.
 
“Where are the armed guards? The blood thirsty canines and the ruthless snipers?” Deadpool said to himself while looking over the home. “Well, I guess this will make for an easy job.”
 
Deadpool ran up to the door and kicked it open. While skipping inside the house, the mutant started looking around in all directions. “Charlie, Charlie, are you here?” Deadpool sang to himself while skipping throughout the foyer of the Deetz home. Doors started shutting rapidly and the windows started shaking.
 
“Gasp!” Deadpool exclaimed. “Is this a haunted house?” He said to himself while running up the stairs.
 
He soon heard voices coming from one of the rooms. The Merc with the Mouth placed his ear against a door to listen in on the voices.
 
“Dad! Please, we can’t do this! This is not the way!” Lydia pleaded.
 
“Enough! I must do this! This is the only way that I can bring her back!” Charles screamed.
 
Suddenly, the door of the room was kicked open. Deadpool jumped into the room with his guns lifted high.
 
“Sorry for this unscheduled interruption but I am here for that little number over there!” Deadpool yelled while pointing the tip of his gun at the ancient book on the table.
 
“Who are you?” Charles asked with tears in his eyes.
 
 
“They call me Pool, Deadpool and I like my jobs shaken, not stirred.” Deadpool replied.
 
With Charles Deetz distracted, the ghost of Barbara Maitland reached down and took the book of the table. She disappeared through a wall before the Merc with the Mouth could react.
 
“What in the ass?!” Deadpool shouted.
 
While Deadpool was distracted by the disappearing ghost, Lydia grabbed her father by the collar and pulled him out of the room. She ran up to the attic with her father. Lydia could hear the armed mercenary approaching. Shaking her head, Lydia looked over the dusty model of Winter River.
 
“I can’t believe that I am doing this.” Lydia muttered under her breath. “Beetlejuice… Beetlejuice…”
 
Before she could finish, Deadpool jumped through the door of the attic. “Heeeeeeere’s Deadpool!” the Merc with the Mouth exclaimed.
 
“BEETLEJUICE!” Lydia cried out.
 
The model of Winter River started shaking rapidly. Lights started flickering throughout the house and the floors felt as if they started to move. From the center of the model, a figure popped out from one of the scaled down homes. The figure jumped up high into the air where he grew rapidly. The Ghost with the Most landed in front of Lydia Deetz.
 
“Did you miss me already?!” Beetlejuice coughed out.
 
“What in the ass?!” Deadpool yelled out. “That is not even right!”
 
“Who are you?” Beeltejuice asked with a curious look. “What is with all the red? Is it Christmas already?”
 
“Zip it you poor excuse for a Batman! I am not here for you! The name is Deadpool, by the way. Maybe you have heard of it, maybe you could use a bath! Wait, you could definitely use a bath!” Deadpool shouted.
 
“Huh? Deadpool? Oh, I’ve heard of you. There are a thousand tortured souls in the afterlife lookin’ to get their hands on you!” Beetlejuice said with a sickening smile.
 
Countless disembodied hands popped out of the walls and floors. “What the shit?!” Deadpool screamed.
 
Beetlejuice stated sniffing the air and smiled. “Oh, Ms. Lydia. I hear there is a little itsy, bitsy Book of the Dead in this house. Why don’t ya be a doll and tell me where it is?”
 
“Not a chance in hell!” Lydia growled.
 
“You are the one who called me, darling!” Beetlejuice smiled. “Now, go fetch me that book.”
 
“Hey, old man river!” Deadpool yelled while dodging the disembodied hands. “Shut your trap before I stuff an exploding chimichanga so far down your dusty old throat that you will give Taco Bell a run for their money!”
 
“I think I am goin’ to have some fun with you!” Beetlejuice laughed.

****************************

Who will get to the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis first?
 

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Deadpool
Read more about Deadpool at Wikipedia
Official Site: Marvel Comics Links: Wikipedia Entry - Deadpool Marvel Directory Entry Marvel Database Entry

Beetlejuice
Read more about Beetlejuice at Wikipedia
Official Site: Warner Bros Links: Beetlejuice Wikipedia page Beetlejuice imdb page Beetlejuice Rotten Tomatoes

[Boratz]

Hope you all enjoy 

[Pizza Guy]

Great job Boratz! Beetlejuice and Deadpool together is just comedy gold and you did them both great justice!

Whilst I doubt either BJ or Wade could kill the other, I will bet on Beetlejuice getting the Necronomicon first. He knows the house better, can phase through walls, teleport, and can use his reality warping powers to distract Deadpool whilst he searches for the book. 

[JohnnyChany]

Top notch work Boratz. Really enjoyed the back and forth and the characterization. Going with Beetlejuice for the victory.

[DSkillz]

Very nice, Boratz!  I'm guessing you were inspired by the recent release of Deadpool & Wolverine and the upcoming Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. 

I've seen both the original Beetlejuice film and the animated series from the '80's-'90's, and your characterization of him is spot-on. My main experience with Deadpool, though is from a couple of fan-fics, and if this is a good showing of how he's depicted in the films, it's good to see he hasn't really changed in his transition to the big screen. 

As for the match? I'd have to agree that neither Deadpool nor Betelgeuse/Beetlejuice will be able to really hurt each other, and that the Ghost With the Most's bag of tricks should allow him to get ahold of the book first. 

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
5.00 - Pizza Guy
5.00 - JohnnyChany
4.80 - DSkillz

FPA Calculation:
3 Total Votes cast
14.80 Total Combined Score
14.80 / 3 = 4.93 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Deadpool: 0
Beetlejuice: 3