Apex Arena - Battle B3: The Bride vs. John McClane

[Culwych1]

Introduction

In 1950, physicist Enrico Fermi famously asked, "Where the f&&k is everyone?" That question led to what is now known as the Fermi Paradox, pondering why humanity has never encountered intelligent life despite the vastness of the universe. But when first contact finally happened, humanity wished the answer had been "nowhere."

The aliens arrived with technology and powers beyond comprehension, annihilating Earth’s defences. Yet, despite their godlike abilities, humanity's defiance intrigued them. Instead of total destruction, the aliens devised a twisted experiment to understand humanity’s unique will to survive.

They chose Earth's 32 fiercest warriors from across time and space, placing them in The Apex Arena—a constantly shifting battleground where only the strongest survive. The prize? The salvation of Earth and a place of honour in the alien archives. 4 groups, 8 fighters in each. Who would stand, and who would fall?

Each warrior stands alone, unaware of their competition, fighting not just for glory, but for the very future of humanity. The Apex Arena has opened its gates. The battle for survival begins now.

---

Apex Arena - Battle B3: The Bride vs. John McClane

Still the aliens rejoiced, but now hungered for something different.

Whilst their minds could conceive of anything possible, they felt that these humans could conjure up so much worse. So instead of creating an arena from scratch, the Apex Arena drew inspiration from the horrors that humanity have contrived.

The Bride and John McClane materialized inside an ancient, decaying temple deep in the heart of a dense, jungle-like environment. Massive stone columns, once proud and tall, now lay in ruin, cracked and covered in creeping vines. The temple was dimly lit by the fading light of the setting sun that trickled in through cracks in the stone ceiling. Every inch of the temple’s surface was slick with moss, making every movement fraught with danger.

But this wasn’t any old ruins. This was the Ruins – that horrific ancient place where carnivorous vines thrived.

The floor was unstable, some sections crumbling away into dark pits below, revealing deep underground tunnels. Stone staircases spiraled upward into half-collapsed towers, while broken bridges spanned across wide chasms. It was a death trap, an environment where every wrong step could mean a fatal fall. Weapons were scattered across the scene: an old machete leaning against a cracked pillar, a revolver half-buried in the dirt near a broken altar, and a quiver of arrows hanging loosely from a vine-covered statue.

The Bride appeared first, her yellow jumpsuit striking a vivid contrast against the muted greys and greens of the temple. She stood still for a moment, her senses attuned to the dangers around her. This place felt alive with hostility, as if the very stones themselves were watching her. The Bride, a trained assassin of the highest caliber, had fought in arenas like this before, but the stakes had never been this high.

Across the temple, John McClane arrived with a grunt, rolling his shoulders as he surveyed the scene. His dirt-streaked vest and grimy boots fit perfectly with the rugged, decaying environment. McClane had seen his share of impossible situations, and this was just another in a long line of them. He wiped the sweat from his brow, knowing full well that this wasn’t going to be an easy fight. But nothing ever was for him. His eyes locked onto the weapons scattered around, and he made a mental note of where everything was. In true McClane fashion, he cracked a smile. "Yippee-ki-yay," he muttered under his breath, before starting to move.

The temple was alive with sound—the distant calls of unseen birds, the dripping of water from cracks in the ceiling, and the faint rumble of stone shifting deep beneath the surface. The vines even imitated humans, with distinct calls for help or pleas for mercy.  Each corner of the temple held danger: the ancient stone floors could give way at any moment, sending either fighter crashing into the dark depths below. The overgrown vines provided both cover and entanglement, and some sections of the temple were barely standing, teetering on the brink of collapse.

The Bride moved first, her steps silent, her eyes scanning every inch of the temple for threats. She moved like a ghost, her body low and the narrow corridors and crumbling stairways offered numerous opportunities for ambushes. She approached a collapsed bridge, her eyes darting toward the machete leaning against a pillar. It wasn’t as elegant as her trusted katana, but it might come in handy. Then she smiled as she spotted the old gun laying next to the machete.

McClane, on the other hand, moved with a steady determination, his boots crunching on the loose gravel beneath him. He wasn’t as silent as The Bride, but that didn’t mean he was any less dangerous. He spotted the revolver half-buried in the dirt near the altar and quickly made his way toward it. The temple groaned above him as the sun began to dip lower, casting long, eerie shadows across the decaying structure. He crouched down, retrieving the revolver and checking its chamber— 5 bullets. He’d have to make them count.

Lightning cracked across the sky as a storm began to brew in the distance, casting brief flashes of light through the open ceiling of the temple. The atmosphere was thick with tension. The Bride had retrieved the machete and the gun and now moved silently along the temple’s edge, her eyes constantly flickering toward McClane’s position. She could sense him nearby, his heavy footfalls echoing faintly in the distance.

McClane, revolver in hand, climbed one of the spiral staircases, his back pressed against the stone wall for cover. He knew The Bride was fast—faster than most opponents he’d ever faced—but McClane had never relied on speed. He was a survivor, and survival meant outlasting your opponent. He peeked over the edge of the staircase, spotting a shadow moving along the far wall.

The temple’s structure groaned once again as the ground beneath them began to shift. Loose stones tumbled into the dark abyss below, and a large section of the ceiling cracked open further, sending a stream of dirt and debris down into the chamber. Neither fighter paid it much attention. Their focus was locked on each other.

Slowly these two survivors drew closer, and around them the vines rustled dangerously as they sensed the humans amongst them. They were also ready to strike.

Closer…

Closer…

Guns blazed and blood was drawn, and the vines tasted their first meal of the day. On and on in the silence of the ancient Mayan ruin that the Apex Arena had created, the battle continued.

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Beatrix Kiddo (The Bride)
Read more about Beatrix Kiddo (The Bride) at Wikipedia
Official Site: Miramax Films Links: Beatrix Kiddo's Wiki Page Kill BIll's Wikipedia Entry Kill Bill Offical Website

John McClane
Read more about John McClane at Wikipedia
Official Site: 20th Century Fox Links: Wikipedia Site IMDB Link Official Site

[leroypowell3]

This one I see the Bride on the bad guys side sent to take out McClane. In the movie McClane would get some lucky plot devise with a chain or a roof falling on her head but here, no. McClane dies.

[RiotGear]

McClane has a gun, an environment he can weaponize, and is facing a highly skilled, but over confident assassin.

This is his comfort zone. 

The Bride on the other hand has and track record when it comes to facing gunmen.

So chances are The Bride ends up hung from a vine after McClane shoots out the ground she's on.

It's not as if John's toughness and tenacity couldn't carry him in a fight either. The Bride is not that far off from Mai Linh or Hamster Boy in "Die Hard 4".

[Boratz]

I like John McClane a lot and it is hard for me to vote against him, but I think that's where I'm at on this one. McClane has a lot of skills and dumb luck, but the Bride is on a whole other level. I don't think he is going to be able to win against her

[RiotGear]

I'm not sure why people are acting like The Bride can't just be gunned down. The Deadly Viper's did it.

Hell Bud took her out by himself with a double barrel shotgun. 

If Bud can do it, I don't see why McClane can't.

[JohnnyChany]

On 10/8/2024 at 12:47 AM, RiotGear said:

I'm not sure why people are acting like The Bride can't just be gunned down. The Deadly Viper's did it.

Hell Bud took her out by himself with a double barrel shotgun. 

If Bud can do it, I don't see why McClane can't.

I was thinking of going with the Bride, but this is hard for me to argue. Are we looking at an Indiana Jones versus impressive swordsman situation?

[RiotGear]

1 hour ago, JohnnyChany said:

I was thinking of going with the Bride, but this is hard for me to argue. Are we looking at an Indiana Jones versus impressive swordsman situation?

 

I'd imagine.

McClane grumbles about being.. "tired of of this Kung Fu crap" and plugs her.

[Pizza Guy]

On 10/8/2024 at 12:47 AM, RiotGear said:

I'm not sure why people are acting like The Bride can't just be gunned down. The Deadly Viper's did it.

Hell Bud took her out by himself with a double barrel shotgun. 

If Bud can do it, I don't see why McClane can't.

Well 1, both scenarios you mentioned involved Beatrix being taken by surprise or in the Deadly Viper’s case when she was literally unarmed, in a wedding dress, whilst 6 months pregnant. In Budd’s case she definitely underestimated him, mistakenly assuming Budd was washed up considering the demeaning circumstances he was in (living in a trailer working a job for a boss who berated him all day). In this scenario she knows McClane has a gun and is dangerous, thus she’ll be more careful when fighting him.

2, The facts are that The Bride has superior physical feats and stats than McClane. She’s far better trained, defeated far more deadly and skilled opponents, and has multiple ways to kill McClane: kill him with a gun, her sword, or just her fists. McClane’s only advantage seems to be his uncanny luck, but as my old man once told me: luck is like your favorite whore, rely on her too much and she’ll eventually leave you.

[DSkillz]

Another good Apex Arena chapter, Culwych. Another good example of a grim atmosphere for the combatants. 

And it's funny that you're using these particular characters for this, at least for me.  I just happened to start going on a Tarantino odyssey a few weeks back. I just watched Pulp Fiction and From Dusk Till Dawn for the first time last week, but just missed out on watching the Kill Bill films. Unfortunately, this means that while I've seen Die Hard and part of Die Hard 2, I can't really say how the Bride would fare against McClane. 

[RiotGear]

13 hours ago, Pizza Guy said:

Well 1, both scenarios you mentioned involved Beatrix being taken by surprise or in the Deadly Viper’s case when she was literally unarmed, in a wedding dress, whilst 6 months pregnant. In Budd’s case she definitely underestimated him, mistakenly assuming Budd was washed up considering the demeaning circumstances he was in (living in a trailer working a job for a boss who berated him all day). In this scenario she knows McClane has a gun and is dangerous, thus she’ll be more careful when fighting him.

2, The facts are that The Bride has superior physical feats and stats than McClane. She’s far better trained, defeated far more deadly and skilled opponents, and has multiple ways to kill McClane: kill him with a gun, her sword, or just her fists. McClane’s only advantage seems to be his uncanny luck, but as my old man once told me: luck is like your favorite whore, rely on her too much and she’ll eventually leave you.

 

1. McClane looks and acts like a middle aged, washed up, drunk. He is the kind of person Beatrix is going to underestimate. Just like Budd.

2. Does she have superior physical feats and stats? McClane has down right absurd durability among other things. As for opponents they both fight skilled mercs and assassins. Remember John has made a career out of taking on whole teams of the worlds best mercenaries and special forces.

 

[leroypowell3]

4 hours ago, RiotGear said:

 

1. McClane looks and acts like a middle aged, washed up, drunk. He is the kind of person Beatrix is going to underestimate. Just like Budd.

2. Does she have superior physical feats and stats? McClane has down right absurd durability among other things. As for opponents they both fight skilled mercs and assassins. Remember John has made a career out of taking on whole teams of the worlds best mercenaries and special forces.

 

I wouldn't say the worlds best but competent. Connon fodder for upper level action heros. McClane is like I said about Jack Baure is on the low end of live action heroes. 

[RiotGear]

2 minutes ago, leroypowell3 said:

I wouldn't say the worlds best but competent. Connon fodder for upper level action heros. McClane is like I said about Jack Baure is on the low end of live action heroes. 

 

They were described in universe as top tier mercs and special forces. Even the mercs in the first movie treated LAPD SWAT, as in the premier SWAT team in the world, like a joke.

[leroypowell3]

29 minutes ago, RiotGear said:

 

They were described in universe as top tier mercs and special forces. Even the mercs in the first movie treated LAPD SWAT, as in the premier SWAT team in the world, like a joke.

I'll concede the 'in universe' argument. It's fair.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
4.60 - DSkillz
5.00 - JohnnyChany
4.50 - Pizza Guy
5.00 - Boratz

FPA Calculation:
4 Total Votes cast
19.10 Total Combined Score
19.10 / 4 = 4.78 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Beatrix Kiddo (The Bride): 3
John McClane: 3