Match 20922 Johnny Utah vs. Brian O'Conner

[JohnnyChany]

 

 

[The Satellite of Love. The deck is quiet as Mike Nelson walks in, stretching his arms and looking ready for another day aboard the ship. However, as he approaches, he hears the unmistakable sounds of two particular robots bickering in the distance.]

Crow: Oh yeah? Well, if your brain was a car, it’d have failed inspection about twenty years ago!

Tom Servo: And if your brain was a car, it’d be recalled for malfunctioning every time you open your beak!

Mike: Hey! Hey! Hey! What’s going on here? It’s too early in the day for you two to already be going at it.

Crow: Oh, hi Mike. It’s nothing serious, just translucent-head Servo over here trying to argue with me with the three brain cells that Joel never installed in him.

Tom Servo: Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize I was speaking to the King of Underthinking! Your majesty, please continue your reign of idiocy!

Mike sighed and raised up his hands in exasperation.

Mike: Okay, okay, how did this even start?

Crow: Well, Mike, we decided we needed a palate cleanser after all the drench Dr. Forrester’s been forcing us to watch, so we were watching some of our favorite movie scenes, you know, to restore our faith in cinema.

Tom Servo: And we had just finished watching the best scene from Point Break. You know the one.

Mike: Let me guess. Keanu Reeves, shooting dramatically in the air while screaming?

Crow: Obviously.

Tom Servo: And I made a very reasonable declaration that Johnny Utah is the Worst Undercover Option in the history of film!

Crow: Which is nonsense! I immediately pointed out that that honor should go to Brian O'Conner from the Fast and the Furious franchise instead!

Tom Servo: And now here we are.

Crow: Yup, debating whose choice of incompetent law enforcement agent is worse!

Mike: Whoa! I think you’re both being too hard on them. Brian O'Conner and Johnny Utah.., yeah, they weren’t perfect, but they had good hearts, and they tried to do the right thing in the end.

Tom Servo: Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike! We’re not debating the goodness of their hearts! We are not even discussing their effectiveness as characters. We’re talking about how bad they were at their jobs! This is about crowning the ultimate "Worst Undercover Option!" One of them is walking away with that award tonight!

Crow: Exactly! Their good intentions don’t matter here. We’re here to determine which of these so-called professionals was the absolute worst at their job. And I’m telling you, it’s gotta be Brian O’Conner. I mean, the guy straight-up aided and abetted criminals multiple times, then joined them! I rest my case!

Tom Servo: Oh, please! Crow, Brian’s a small fry compared to Johnny Utah! Johnny was an FBI agent! FBI! Not some lowly LAPD officer. He was the spiritual inspiration for Brian! Without Johnny, there’s no Brian. You’ve gotta give him that pedestal.

Crow: I’m not giving him anything! Sure Johnny let Bodhi go free, but he just wanted him to be free for a minute, man. He knew the huge wave was going to finish him off. Brian actively let criminals get away multiple times and then joined the gang! He’s the king of being bad at his job!

Tom Servo: Oh, stop with that "Bodhi and the wave" stuff. Johnny had so many chances to take Bodhi down before that! Remember when he had a clear shot outside the bank? And he just didn’t take it? We just watched the scene! The man was too busy thinking about catching the perfect wave to catch the criminals!

Crow: Yeah, but at least Johnny eventually tried! He knew Bodhi wasn’t walking away from that wave. Meanwhile, Brian’s out there playing house with Dom’s sister, helping a criminal mastermind escape—and then, boom, he’s part of the family barbecue like he didn’t just commit treason against law enforcement!

Tom Servo: Okay, okay, but it’s not fair! There are so many more Fast & Furious movies for you to pick apart. I’m working with one movie here. You’re just padding your argument with sequels!

Crow: Sequels or not, they’re all just more proof of Brian’s legacy as the Worst Undercover Option! It's like every movie is a new chapter in his descent into criminal-friendly chaos.

Tom Servo: All right, fine. But let’s not forget—Johnny Utah had a college football career! Everyone knew him! He’s not some anonymous cop; he’s "Johnny Freakin' Utah." Worst undercover agent ever! The second he walked into a room, people were like, “Hey, didn’t you used to be a quarterback?”

Crow: Not everyone knows college football, Servo. Especially college players who never made it to the pros. Johnny’s anonymity is still pretty secure compared to Brian, whose undercover strategy is, "If the target has a hot sister, I’m throwing all my priorities out the window!"

Tom Servo: And Johnny being down bad for Tyler wasn’t detrimental to his case?

Crow: He wasn’t as down bad as Brian! Brian practically handed Dom the keys to escape and said, “Here, buddy, I’m too busy with your sister to care about my actual job!”

Tom Servo: That’s one opinion, but back to Johnny’s football career. Let’s not forget the knees, Crow! His busted knees! Whether he’s using them as an excuse to get out of tough situations or they’re legitimately flaring up at the worst possible time, his knees are a huge liability! And he still goes surfing with them! You’ve gotta admit, he’s the walking definition of a bad choice for an undercover agent.

Crow: Oh, please. Johnny might have shaky knees, but at least he didn’t join the criminals and start robbing banks with them! Brian went full Stockholm syndrome. He helped Dom steal cars, blow up tanks, and probably missed a few parole hearings while he was at it!

Tom Servo: Well, Johnny let Bodhi lead a gang of adrenaline junkies on a multi-state crime spree and gave them the head start they needed. And don’t get me started on that whole skydiving trip! Undercover agents are supposed to gather intel, not jump out of planes for fun!

Crow: At least Johnny was trying to take Bodhi down. Brian had multiple chances to walk away, and instead, he said, “Nah, I think I’ll rob a truck today and risk my life for a guy I barely know.”

Mike: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I think we’re done here. You have both made your points, and honestly I think you’re both guilty of being a little disingenuous there towards the end. I’m sure you are both hoping for me to be the tie breaker, but I can’t do it. 

Crow: Oh, come on, Mike! You’re just trying to get out of making a decision!

Tom Servo: Yeah, Mike! This is why you’re the host! You’re supposed to be the voice of reason, the tiebreaker! But...you’re chickening out, huh?

Mike: It doesn’t feel right. My affection for both characters makes it a Sophie’s Choice to disparage either one. How about this: let’s ask the audience to decide. They can be the tiebreaker!

Crow: Coward.

Tom Servo: Total coward.

Crow: But Fine! You heard the man, folks! Who deserves to win our first annual Worst Undercover Option award? Is it Johnny Utah, the FBI agent who let Bodhi surf his way into oblivion? Or is it Brian O'Conner, the cop-turned-criminal who just couldn’t resist that family life?

Tom Servo: Cast your votes! Should it be Johnny Utah, the spiritual godfather of bad undercover work? Or Brian O’Conner, the guy who turned in his badge for a NOS-fueled joyride?

Crow: Don’t let us down, people. You have the power!

Tom Servo: Choose wisely!

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Johnny Utah
Read more about Johnny Utah at Wikipedia
Official Site: 20th Century Studios Links: Wikipedia

Brian O'Conner
Read more about Brian O'Conner at Wikipedia
Official Site: Universal Studios Links: Wikipedia Fast and the Furious Wiki The Fast and the Furious

[Boratz]

Haha this one was quite entertaining. With the decision of who the better/worst undercover operative is an interesting idea for a setup. 

I think I'm leaning towards Johnny on this one as he seemed more genuine in his undercover work to me, but Brian has gone undercover with street racers, I think some drug cartel and even went undercover in prison. I don't know there's been so many of those movies that I've lost count of the number of times he's gone undercover. 

[JohnnyChany]

On 10/7/2024 at 10:00 AM, Boratz said:

Haha this one was quite entertaining. With the decision of who the better/worst undercover operative is an interesting idea for a setup. 

I think I'm leaning towards Johnny on this one as he seemed more genuine in his undercover work to me, but Brian has gone undercover with street racers, I think some drug cartel and even went undercover in prison. I don't know there's been so many of those movies that I've lost count of the number of times he's gone undercover. 

Thanks. I had been trying to get these two in a match together and I finally realized the best way was to really lean into the parallels. 

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
4.00 - Pizza Guy
5.00 - Boratz

FPA Calculation:
2 Total Votes cast
9.00 Total Combined Score
9.00 / 2 = 4.50 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Johnny Utah: 1
Brian O'Conner: 2