Match 20954 Art the Clown vs. Jack The Clown

[broadwaybeyonder]

“I never should have let you talk me into coming here!” 

Gretchen wept and ranted as she continued to fight against the restraints that bound her wrists and ankles to her chair.  She wore a shirt promoting Halloween Horror Nights and her brown hair a disheveled mess.  A second chair imprisoning a 24-year-old man in a matching Halloween Horror Nights t-shirt sat back-to-back with hers.  The man, named Warren, could barely make out the props and old costume that surrounded them in the warehouse they found themselves.  His face showed increasing annoyance as his companion continued to complain. 

“It’ll be fun, you said!  There’s nothing to be afraid of, you said!” 

“Will you be quiet!” 

“And then you just had to go on and on about that slutty looking clown!  Let’s see where she’s going, you said!  I think she wants us to follow her, you said!  What kind of sicko are you, Warren?” 

“Gretchen!  Will you just shut up already?!” 

“Oh, sure!  Yell at me!  It’s not my fault we got ourselves trapped by some psycho clowns!” 

The bickering couple was interrupted by the sound child-like humming and of heels clicking against the grated floor.  Gretchen tried to control her sobs and Warren’s eyes widened in terror as the clown girl walked into the light.  She was dressed in red and blue corset and skirts, her dark hair was twisted into two pig tails, and her face was painted with black diamonds over her eyes. 

Chance leaned over and put herself nose to nose with Warren and gave a sinister smile. 

“Hi, kids!  Nice and cozy, are we?” 

“Please, please let me go!” whined Gretchen.  “If you want him, you can have him!” 

“Gretchen, shut up!” 

“My daddy has money!  He’ll give you anything you want!” 

“GRETCHEN!” 

“BOTH OF YA SHUT UP!!!!” 

Gretchen and Warren both fell silent as Jack the Clown’s voice burst out of the darkness.  He approached the two chairs and sneered at the terrified couple.  “Is this the best you could get, Chance?” 

“I was walking around the park for an hour, Jack,” said Chance.  “Lover boy here was the only one who was interested.” 

Jack walked around the chairs, Gretchen and Jack trying not to scream.  “So, it looks like we got a ‘buy one preppie, get one Karen’ deal tonight!  Ha!  No matter!  I’m sure they will be enough!” 

“What are you going to do to us?” shouted Warren. 

“Do?”  Jack wrapped his hand around Warren’s throat and snarled.  “I’ll tell ya what we’re going to do, Donald Jr.  I’m going to make you and your mail order girlfriend here famous!  You two are gonna be the stars of my Carnival of Carnage!  For one night only, anyway.” 

“He’s gonna kill us!” screamed Gretchen.  “Oh my God, we’re gonna die!  You and your stupid park!” 

“This isn’t my fault, Gretchen!” 

“ENOUGH ALREADY!” shrieked Chance. 

Jack let go of Warren and patted Chance on the head.  “Well put, sweetheart.  Now keep these two idiots under lock and key until showtime.” 

“But, Jack!  I thought we could have a little fun with them first?  Ya know, see how well they bleed?  Pretty please?” 

Jack was annoyed for a moment before looking into Chance’s pleading eyes, then he shrugged.  “Meh, I never like to see a clown beg.  Sure, why not?” 

Chance squealed in delight as Gretchen and Warren started begging for their lives and yelling at each other again.  “Okay, Donny and Marie,” said Jack.  “I’m going to pick up a few more props for our… rehearsal.  But I’ll be leaving you in the capable hands of my harlequin of horror, Chance.  And she knows what she’s doing, don’t you, honey?” 

Chance pulled a knife out of her boot and brandished it at the couple.  “Yeah, I’m real cutting edge!” 

Jack cackled with delight and ran back into the darkness as Gretchen and Warren screamed for mercy.  Chance held the knife to her lips to hush them.  “Now, kids.  You want to know what’s funny about a knife?” 

Jack rifled through a back closet humming to himself as he heard the sounds of screaming in the distance.  He would pick a potential weapon, toss it aside and look at another, not wanting to miss having ‘fun’ with Chance. 

“Hatchet?  Nah.  Chainsaw?  Ooh, save that for later.  Bear trap?  Huh, gotta remember to get that back to Jigsaw.  AH HA!  Hahaha!  NOW we’re talking!” 

Jack lifted an oversized, multi-colored hammer.  “Blunt force trauma, but leaves you mostly in one piece!  Give me a doggie bag, we’re taking this home! Hahahahaha!” 

When he finished laughing, Jack finally noticed something.  He realized how quiet the warehouse had become.  There were the sounds of guests screaming and laughing in the park outside, but there was no sound of Chance’s victims. 

“Chance?  Chance, did you kill our volunteers again?  We’ve talked about this, babe.  I’m gonna have to bring the hammer down!” 

Jack hefted the clown hammer and marched through the costume racks to the two chairs.  The sight actually stopped the murderous clown in his tracks. 

Gretchen and Warren were still locked in their chairs, but they were no longer arguing or pleading.  Their heads were tilted lifeless and their eyes were glazed over with fear.  Their throats had been slit, their chests ripped open, and multiple stab wounds covered their bodies.  Two pools of blood had formed under the chairs. 

“Damn, Chance!” Jack chuckled.  “You really went all out, didn’t ya?” 

Suddenly there was the sound of honking horn.  Jack spun around behind him and saw nothing.  “Seriously?” said Jack.  “You really want to try pulling a jump scare on ME?!  Get back out on the street and find me some more volunteers!  Or I might just have YOU be the main event!” 

There were two more honks and Jack turned back holding the hammer at the ready to see a clown standing by Gretchen and Warren’s corpses.  He was dressed in a black and white suit, hat, and make-up, but it was all covered in the blood of the two ‘volunteers’.  He smiled with his rotten teeth and waved to Jack.  Jack slowly lowered the hammer as he took in the sight. 

“Ooookay.  Heh!  Don’t remember you at the team meeting.  You’re not one of my clowns, are ya?” 

The clown shook his head, his grotesque smile not changing. 

“Strong, silent type huh?  And I guess you’re the one who butchered my buddies here?” 

The clown nodded in excitement and gave the corpses a hug. 

“Ha!  Gotta love a clown who loves their job!  You do good work, I’ll give you that!  Maybe there could be a place for you in the Carnival!  You wouldn’t happen to have a name, do you?” 

The clown extended a finger on his gloved hand a dipped it into the wound in Gretchen’s chest.  Removing the bloody finger, he began to write out a name on the ground in front of Jack. 

“Art?  Art the Clown?  Meh, a little derivative, but I can work with it.  Say!  How about you, me, and Chance hit the town?  There’s a whole park full of people just waiting to be bumped off!  Err, by the by, did you see Chance?  Sexy clown, packs a switchblade?” 

Art the Clown honked his horn in excitement and motioned for Jack to wait.  He gave an exaggerated, creeping walk into the darkness of the warehouse.  “Listen, Art,” said Jack, shouldering the hammer.  “I like clowns, but I’m not crazy about mimes.  So hurry up and show me where Chance is before I get bored and show you what this hammer can do those buck teeth of yours.” 

There was another honk from the horn, and Jack could make out Art walking towards him with Chance.  “There you are, babe!  Where have you been hiding?” 

Suddenly, Art shoved Chance towards Jack.  The clown dropped his hammer and caught his assistant, but his eyes went wide.  Chance’s throat had been slit, and her favorite knife was now protruding out of her head.  Jack glared at Art, holding Chance in his arms.  “You killed her, too?!”  Art honked his horn and mimed like he was laughing.  Jack became enraged, and yanked the knife out Chance’s head before letting her corpse drop to the floor.  “Okay, Leto.  Now you done it!  Volunteers I can get anywhere!  Chance was MY girl!  If anyone was gonna kill, it was gonna be me!” 

Art the Clown shrugged and pulled out a cleaver from behind his back.  Jack held Chance’s knife ready to strike.  “So you wanna get nuts?!  Come on!  Let’s get nuts!!” 

 

OK:

Art and Jack are in a Universal Studios warehouse full of slasher weapons and circus props. 

Last clown standing wins. 

Game On!  And Happy Halloween! 

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Art the Clown
Read more about Art the Clown at Wikipedia
Official Site: Fuzz on the Lens Productions Links: Wikipedia

Jack The Clown
Read more about Jack The Clown at Wikipedia
Official Site: Universal Studios Links: Wikipedia Halloween Horror Ngihts Wiki Villains Wiki

[JohnnyChany]

Perfect for the season, a scary clown match. There are so many of them in the database. This was an unexpected pair, and you tied them together pretty well. Art has the jump on Jack, and I expect him to win this fight, but I am casting my vote for Jack. Banking on the rage and the homefield advantage. 

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
5.00 - JohnnyChany

FPA Calculation:
1 Total Votes cast
5.00 Total Combined Score
5.00 / 1 = 5.00 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Art the Clown: 0
Jack The Clown: 3

[broadwaybeyonder]

THE BOTTOM LINE

Art crawled across the floor to escape from the vengeful Jack.  His legs dragged uselessly behind him and blood from multiple stab wounds seeped through his costume.   Jack gave a few more practice swings of his hammer. 

“If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning!” 

The clown slammed his weapon on the spine of Art as he sang.  The mute clown’s face contorted in pain and his mouth opened in a silent scream. 

“I’d hammer in the evening, all over this clown!” 

Art used a shelf of Halloween masks to pull himself into a seated position facing Jack.  He held up his hands in surrender with a pleading look in his eyes. 

“Seriously?” said Jack incredulous.  “You’re giving up already?  Sheesh!  I’ve had guests at the park who showed more fight than you!” 

Art’s grisly smile returned.  He swiftly reached into his costume and pulled out a pistol.  Before he had a chance to aim Jack brought his hammer down on Art’s hand.  The gun clattered to the floor and there was the crunching sound of the bones in Art’s hand being crushed.  Art gave a silent howl that was quickly stopped by the hammer slamming him in the face. 

Jack drew Chance’s knife and knelt down, holding the knife to the battered clown’s throat.  “A gun?  You pulled a gun?!  Just what kind of psycho clown are you?!  All the weapons you could’ve chose, and you went with a boring, run of the mill, jar of mayonnaise GUN?!” 

Art could only let out a raspy wheeze in reply.  Jack’s vicious smile filled Art’s vision.  “But don’t be sad, Artie.  I’m going to show you how to kill someone with style!” 

 

It was a packed house at the Carnival of Carnage.  The audience was full of Halloween Horror Night’s guests expecting to see the usual feats of blood and gore.  Of course it was all fake.  Universal Studios wouldn’t allow a real serial killer clown to go around murdering people, would they? 

Jack soaked in the cheers of the audience and bowed.  “Hey there, kids!  Who’s ready to get this party started?!”  The audience roared.    

“I thought you were!  But I do have some bad news before we begin.  My lovely assistant Chance is not with us tonight.  In fact, she won’t be us ever again.” 

The crowd murmured in confusion with a few guests starting to boo. 

“I know, I know.   I know you all have been waiting all year to see my harlequin of horror again.  But that brings me to our first attraction at the Carnival tonight!  Because even though Chance is gone, I will always have fond memories of… HER RACK!” 

As the crowd laughed and cheered, Jack pulled a cord and revealed Art the Clown.  The mute clown was facing the audience suspended above the stage, his arms and legs stretched out by ropes attached to a series of gears in a contraption behind him.  There was also another rope tied around his throat.  All he could do was bare his teeth and glare at the clapping audience. 

“Oh look, everybody!” said Jack giving a grand gesture to Art.  “It’s my old buddy Artie!  Say ‘Hi, Artie!’” 

“BYE, ARTIE!” some of the audience cat called. 

Art tried to break free from the ropes as Jack went on describing the ‘act’.  “Now this rack is a little different.  Most of the time you’d just stretch somebody in two directions until they break!  But since Art is my special friend, I’m going to go the extra mile!  What do you say, kids?  You want to pull the clown apart and make a wish?” 

The crowd’s cheers grew louder, and some started clapping in anticipation.  Jack smirked up at Art, whose eyes were now filled with panic.  “Don’t worry, Artie.  I’m going to make you a star!”  Jack raced to the machine at the back of the stage and grabbed an oversized lever. 

“Okay, kids!  Count me down!  A 3!  A 2!  A 1!” 

Jack slammed the lever down into the on position.  The machine whirred to life and instantly all the ropes attached to Art went taut.  Art’s face was a picture of agony, but even if he could scream it would have been drowned out by the screams and cheers of the paying customers.  The ropes pulled tighter and tighter, extending Art’s limbs and yanking upward on his neck.  In a matter of seconds and with the sound of tearing flesh and snapping bones, Art the Clown’s body was torn apart.  His arms, legs, and head hung above the stage like a perverse 5 pointed star, while his torso landed with a thud on the stage. 

There was a moment of silence as the crowd took in the horrifying sight.  Then there was an eruption of applause and cheers.  Jack cackled in delight as he slid across the stage on Art’s blood.  He gave a bow and struck a pose in the footlights. 

“Hahahaha!  Hey, Art!  If you can hear me, try to remember!  If you think you know what it means to be monster killer clown, YOU DON’T KNOW JACK!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”