Match 20986 Abigail (2023 film) vs. M3gan

[Pizza Guy]

“A vampire? You actually believe my ballerina classmate is a vampire?”

 

“I told you it was a fucking mistake to tell her Danny!”

 

“Billy shut the hell up already!”

 

Allyson McGrady pinched her nose and sighed as she watched the twin brothers pace around her room, arguing about vampires and whether telling a girl about them was a good idea.

 

“She hangs out with that vamp slut all the damn time! For all we know she could have been turned already!” Billy Newsome argued.

 

“Don’t be a fucking dumbass! I took a picture of her before we came in and everyone knows vampires don’t show up in pictures!” Danny berated his twin.

 

“Wow you guys picked up some new words since you turned 13. You do know swearing doesn’t make you sound older or cooler right?” Ally interjected the brother’s powwow. 

 

“Look Ally just level with me for a second: how long have you known Billy and I?” Danny asked her.

 

“Since we were in kindergarten. The ‘perks’ of our parents being old friends,” Ally sarcastically answered.

 

“Exactly! So you know I’m not the type of guy to lie or make shit like that up. You know I’m better than that,” Danny Newsome appealed to her.

 

“Danny I’m not calling you a liar, I’m just saying I’ve known Abigail for a while too and I really don’t think she’s a vampire,” Ally shook her head in exhaustion. “Hey M3gan, by any chance are vampires real?”

 

On the other side of the room, a humanoid doll like figure had been watching the 3 children argue about with cold, mechanical eyes. But upon being asked a question the artificial toy sprung to life in a sudden jerk.

 

“A vampire is mythical creature from European folklore, said to be undead being that feeds on the blood of human beings. The vampire is generally considered to be nothing more than myth and superstition, with no hard evidence to suggest any such creature has ever existed,” M3gan surmised.

 

“Jesus that thing is creepy,” Billy shuddered at the M3gan android before addressing Ally again. “But come on, obviously your toy is gonna say that! The government has already covered up Roswell and the JFK assassination, so obviously they wouldn’t want the sheeple to know about vampires either!”

 

“Billy you seriously need to lay off of Reddit and X. Now do you two have any actual proof that Abigail is a vampire?” Ally asked.

 

“Have you ever seen her outside during the day?” Billy demanded from her.

 

“No, she takes the night classes like me and the other girls. That’s not a crime,” Ally dismissed him.

 

“Have you noticed that she never seems to get hurt or cut herself?” Billy pressed.

 

“She’s careful. That doesn’t make her a monster,” Ally insisted.

 

“How come she never eats anything with garlic?” Billy brought up what he assumed to be his trump card.

 

“She has eaten garlic actually. Last week Mrs. Aguilar gave us a pizza party and I saw Abigail eat several slices,” Ally deadpanned.

 

“Okay but what about this then?” Danny showed Ally an article he pulled up on his phone. “Her father is Kristof Lazaar, a powerful crime lord who has only avoided conviction because anyone who would testify against him end up violently murdered, with some cops saying the bodies were torn to pieces!”

 

“None of those murders were ever attributed to Kristof Lazaar. Nor has any proof of criminal malpractice been documented. In the eyes of the law, Kristof Lazaar is a legitimate businessman and your accusations nothing more than libel slander,” M3gan’s monotone voice corrected Danny.

 

“Ally shut your creepy doll up before I break it,” an increasingly agitated Billy threatened.

 

“It’s not her fault you and Danny are sounding crazier by the minute,” Ally smirked even as Billy’s face darkened even more.

 

“So you really think this is all one big coincidence?” A frustrated Danny tried one last time. “Her only coming out at night, never getting hurt, her Dad’s enemies all being killed! You really see nothing suspicious about all those things?”

 

“It is very common for humans to look for connections and conspiracies that are not there. It is especially prevalent in young men of low social standing, limited self-confidence, and weak intellect,” M3gan impassively said.

 

“That’s it! I’ve had it with that fucking sexbots mouth!” Billy growled and shoved M3gan against the wall.

 

“Billy! Get off of her!” Ally yelled at him.

 

“You think you’re so smart robo-bitch? Let’s see how smart you are after I smashed your fucking head in with a hammer!” Billy sneered in M3gan’s face, who merely stared back at him with cold indifference.

 

“I said let go of her!” Ally slapped Billy across the face, forcing him away from M3gan.

 

“Hey Billy enough man! Let’s just go alright?” Danny quickly grabbed onto his brother before anything else can happen.

 

“Fuck you Ally! And fuck your robot slut too! You better not tell anyone what we said or you’re fucking done! You hear me?” Billy roared in anger, not thinking.

 

“Billy stop talking! Let’s get out of here,” Danny finally managed to drag his brother out of Ally’s room.

 

“Are you alright Ally? Your trembling?” M3gan asked, taking Ally’s hands in her own.

 

“Yeah I’m fine, I’m just really pissed right now. Let’s just go to bed,” Ally sighed as she turned off the lights and got into bed. 

 

“Has Billy ever threatened you before?” M3gan asked her charge.

 

“Only when I embarrass him. You know one time in 1st grade he pushed me off the jungle gym because I beat him in a race. Had to wear a cast on my wrist for a month,” Ally laughed at the memory.

 

“Did he now?” M3gan’s robotic eyelids narrowed.

 

“Yeah but it’s fine, he’ll get over it. Danny will guilt him into apologizing and things will be back to normal again,” Ally pulled her covers to her chin and started dozing off. “Abigail a vampire? Can you believe those guys?”

 

“A very improbable conclusion Ally,” M3gan concurred, eyes unblinking as she watched Ally drift to sleep. “But not 100% impossible.”

 

************************************

 

“And so as we gather here today to mourn the tragic loss of young Billy Newsome, we ask the Allmighty to guide his soul to eternal rest and to watch over the young boy’s family during this tragic time. Amen.”

 

It was a dark, cloudy day at the cemetery this late afternoon, the sun’s rays completely blocked by the dark clouds hanging overhead. A fitting mood for such a sad gathering.

 

“Danny?” A remorseful Ally approached her friend, whose red eyes gave away that he had been crying. “I’m so sorry about Billy.”

 

Danny said nothing, but did accept a hug from his old friend. Taking at least some comfort from the act.

 

“Hey Ally! How have you been?”

 

“Oh Abigail? What are you doing here?” Ally was confused at the other ballerina’s presence at the funeral.

 

“I heard about it on the news, I figured I’d come out here to pay my respects,” Abigail cheerfully explained. “Your Danny right? So sorry to hear about poor Billy. The news lady said it was a pretty violent murder.”

 

“What did you say?” Danny’s face turned white as he realized who was in front of him.

 

“Ally told me lots of stories about you guys. The fun times on the playground, the sleepovers at her house, the stories about vampire ballerinas,” Abigail’s cheerful demeanor cracked slightly at that last sentence.

 

“Abigail!” Allyson exclaimed in shock.

 

“Oh don’t worry Ally, I’m not mad. You were just kidding about all that, weren’t you Danny?” The seemingly innocent little girl glared daggers at the grieving boy.

 

“I-I-I-“ Danny Newsome was too scared to speak.

 

“Glad to hear it! Oh look at the time, I’m afraid I must be off! See you at tomorrow’s class Ally,” Abigail daintily waved before skipping away.

 

“You told her?” Danny turned to Allyson in an accusatory tone.

 

“It just slipped out! I didn’t mean to!” Ally tried to explain.

 

“You told her and then my brother turned up dead!” Danny’s expressions got more and more angry.

 

“Danny please I didn’t know this would happen! It was a mistake!” Ally pleaded with her friend.

 

“Don’t ever talk to me again. Ever!” Danny Newsome brushed Ally off and stormed away.

 

“Danny I’m sorry,” Allyson McGrady could only whisper.

 

************************************

 

“Ally I feel I should mention that breaking and entering is a felony offense that punishable with jail time,” M3gan informed her friend as they stood outside Abigail’s house.

 

“My Find My app says Danny’s in there M3gan and it’s my fault this is happening! I have to stop him before something worst happens!” Allyson insisted as she made her towards the door.

 

“Ally I highly recommend that we call the police and go home,” M3gan insisted.

 

“There’s no time! Just stay out here and keep guard!” Ally told the android, missing the brief flash of anger that crossed the robot’s face.

 

“Abigail! It’s me Ally! Open up!” Ally knocked on the door insistently, and to her surprise the door pushed itself open.

 

Slightly unnerved, Allyson McGrady cautiously entered through the door, finding herself in a dark, empty living room with no sign of anyone in it. 

 

“Hello? Is anyone home? Abigail? Danny?”

 

The fearful little girl made her way through the dark and scary house, looking for either of her friends. She was unable to find the light switches and so was forced to use the flashlight app on her phone to navigate. 

 

“Danny? Abigail? Anyone?”

 

A flash of lightning briefly illuminated the dark room, before returning it to pitch black. As Ally entered another dark hallway she heard a noise that made her heart drop into her stomach. It was similar to a wet, slurping sound, like someone slurping out of a spent juice box but more messily. Like the juice was overflowing through the straw!

 

“Danny? Abigail? Oh God!”

 

The light of her flashlight reflected off of Abigail’s eyes. The rest of her friend’s face was covered in blood as she crouched above a still body, a body she realized with horror was in fact Danny!

 

“Oh Ally, I really wish you hadn’t seen this,” Abigail sighed as she stood, wiping her face as she approached her classmate.

 

“Oh my god! Danny was right! You are a vampire!” Allyson McGrady dropped her phone in shock, back pressed against the closest wall.

 

“For the record, the little brat came at me with a stake. So I chalk that up as self-defense,” Abigail smirked, her sharp teeth showing prominently.

 

“And what about Billy? Did you kill him when you realized he was onto you?” Ally accused her.

 

“Billy? You really think I’d waste my time on that weirdo? Give me a break,” Abigail snickered to herself.

 

“Yeah? And why the hell should I believe you?” Allyson demanded, quite boldly given her situation.

 

“Ally, what possible reason would I have to lie at this point? I’ve killed a shit load of people over the last centuries but I did not kill that Billy kid,” Abigail told her with no hint of deception.

 

“But-but if it wasn’t you, then who?”

 

🎶Wanna hang out now?

 

🎶Yeah it sounds like fun!

 

Both the vampire and child’s attention were drawn to the end of the hallway, as another figure made it’s way towards them, it’s cybernetic face showing no emotion, only cold determination to obey it’s primary function.

 

🎶It’s nice to have a friend!

 

“M3gan?” Ally could barely ask.

 

“Don’t worry Ally. I was programmed to protect you from all physical and emotional harm. And I will go to any lengths to achieve that objective.” The android told her.

 

🎶(Oooohhhh)

 

🎶It’s nice to have a friend!

 

“Ahahahaha! You humans and your need to create things that’ll eventually destroy you!” Abigail cackled with laughter.

 

“Go wait outside Ally, this won’t take long,” M3gan told her charge before walking past her to confront the vampire.

 

🎶It’s nice to have a friend!

 

“Stupid machine! Do you even know what I am?” Abigail’s eyes and mouth took on a far more frightening appearance. “I’ve been doing this shit for centuries! I’ve eaten more meat sacks than you’ve ever fucking seen!”

 

“And I’ve downloaded over a thousand articles on how to kill vampires into my memory banks,” M3gan’s monotoned as she pulled out a freshly sharpened stake. “Now, let’s play.”

 

************************************

 

Happy Halloween everyone! Hope everyone is enjoying the spookiest time of the year!

 

So we got a vampire little girl vs a terminator little girl. Who wins?  

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Abigail (2023 film)
Read more about Abigail (2023 film) at Wikipedia
Official Site: Universal Pictures Links: Wikipedia

M3gan
Read more about M3gan at Wikipedia
Official Site: Universal Links: Wikipedia

[Pizza Guy]

Some clips for anyone who didn’t see either film: