Tournament - Tarzan vs. The Deep Ones

[SSJRuss]

FADE IN:

INT. THE CBUB STUDIOS (FORMERLY KNOWN AS ELECTRIC FERRET STUDIOS) – SIMULATION FLOOR – NIGHT

We open on an office floor, dimly lit and strewn with wires. EF Studios' cubicle offices appear barren save for the few employees lingering, finishing up their tasks, staring into their screens as the clock approaches midnight. A flickering neon sign on the wall hums "Innovation, but Barely."

Camera pans across the floor. SSJRUSS leans back in his chair, finishing the last sip of a lukewarm Monster Energy Drink. The can crumples slightly in his grip. He tosses it toward the overflowing trash can but misses. JOHNNYCHANY is at his desk, head propped in his palm, rhythmically presses the same key on his keyboard. The clacking sound blends with the faint hum of the computers. DSKILLZ sits slouched, crumpling another piece of paper before tossing it at the trash can. It lands perfectly on top of the mountain of discarded sheets.

They all wear matching expressions: exhausted, overworked, and slightly dead inside. Dark circles surround their eyes like signs of unpaid overtime.

SSJRUSS:
(Breaking the silence, staring at the trash can while speaking to the group)
Do you think we’ve officially hit rock bottom or are we still in the free fall?

 

DSKILLZ:
(Without looking up, monotone)
Free fall. Rock bottom would mean we’ve stopped moving.

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
(Spinning around in his chair, desperation in his voice)
Rock bottom... Maybe we run a simulation with The Rock?

 

SSJRUSS:
I think he goes by Dwayne now. Also COVID killed his career, so he's not really relevant anymore.

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
(He turns back around in his chair, defeated)
Damn. I forgot he was a real guy. Why is this so hard?

 

DSKILLZ:
Maybe we'll meet quota during the free fall? Hit terminal velocity and strike genius. Or something.

 

SSJRUSS:
(Chuckling tiredly)
Pretty sure we hit terminal velocity when the company changed its name to CBUB Studios.

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
(Smirking faintly)
Creatively Bankrupt Under Budget. Nice.

 

The camera zooms out slightly to reveal a nearly empty coffee pot on the break room counter. A single stale donut sits on a napkin nearby. It’s been there for hours, untouched.

Suddenly, the hum of the neon sign cuts out, plunging the floor into an even more oppressive office.

 

DSKILLZ:
(Glancing at the sign)
There it goes again. That thing’s on its last leg.

 

SSJRUSS:
(Grinning faintly)
Pretty sure it’s just following company policy—dying slowly.

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
(Suddenly straightens up as his computer emits a soft chime. He squints at his monitor)
Hey, you guys...

 

SSJRUSS:
Yeah?

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
(Typing rapidly, brow furrowing)
The system flagged something as “Unresolved Conflict.”

 

DSKILLZ:
(Turning his chair toward JohnnyChany)
That’s weird, we haven't run anything in hours. What is the sim?

 

JohnnyChany's face is bathed in the cold glow of his monitor. SSJRuss and DSkillz lean in, mild curiosity replacing some of their boredom.

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
(Reading from the screen)
"Tarzan vs. Deep Ones. Status: Unresolved Conflict. Last active... six hours ago?"

 

SSJRUSS:
(Scratching his head)
I thought we shut that one down.

 

DSKILLZ:
(Spinning in his chair, arms crossed)
We did. Maybe the system's just being weird again.

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
I don't know. It says IKA made parameter changes, but then it gave an error code. Looks like he tried to remove it, but the system hasn't taken the hint.

 

SSJRUSS:
(Raising an eyebrow)
What kind of changes did IKA make?

 

JohnnyChany clicks a few more times and freezes.

JOHNNYCHANY:
(Deadpan)
Seventeen instance of explosions, a shark...

 

The camera quickly pans over to the elevator door connected to the Simulation Floor. It opens, the elevator ding echoing through the room. IKA, their new CEO, steps out wearing a shirt with "Work Harder, Not Smarter" in bold letters on the front. He gives the vibe of someone who negotiates corporate margins and backyard wrestling matches. He has a tablet tucked under his arm and his face screams frustration.

IKA:
(Walking toward the group, shaking his head)
Alright, what’s the hold-up? I saw the unresolved conflict flag from my office. Why isn’t haven't you fixed it?

 

SSJRUSS:
(Gesturing to JohnnyChany’s screen)
We were about to ask you the same thing. Why did you add seventeen explosions to a jungle simulation?

 

IKA:
(Pulling up the simulation logs on his tablet)
You’re focusing on the wrong part. The explosions were for dramatic flair. I’m more concerned about why it’s still running.

 

DSKILLZ:
(Leaning back in his chair, smirking)
Maybe the system’s protesting your flair.

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
(Deadpan)
Or maybe it’s the shark you added to the jungle.

 

IKA:
(Casually shrugging, eyes still on the tablet)
It’s a freshwater shark, but our system should be able to handle that.

 

The monitors flicker violently. The overhead lights dim, then surge back to life. A deep, ominous hum echoes, vibrating the desks.

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
(Typing furiously)
Uh, guys? The sim is escalating.

 

SSJRUSS:
(Frowning)
What does that even mean?

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
Uh, guys? The sim is downloading our entire database files. I'm getting endless pop-ups.

 

IKA:
(Scrolling on the tablet)
The parameters keep changing. Wait, no, it's frozen now on flash flood.

 

The hum crescendos, and suddenly, every monitor flashes red with the words: SIMULATION BREACH IMMINENT.

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
(Backing away from his desk)
Well that can't be good.

 

The elevator dings again. The doors slide open, releasing an unrelenting torrent of water from of the elevator shaft, sweeping across the floor with a deafening crash.

 

IKA:
(Shouting over the noise, holding onto a cubicle wall)
Okay, I might have overdone the flash flood parameters!

 

SSJRUSS:
(Climbing onto his desk as water rushes past)
You think?!

 

The camera looks overhead as the floodwater rises rapidly, carrying desks, chairs, and discarded office supplies like debris in a river. The employees scramble to find higher ground as the entire floor transforms into a half-submerged jungle. The roar of water is joined by guttural growls. From the floodwaters, Deep Ones emerge, their glowing eyes locking onto the helpless employees.

DSKILLZ:
(Climbing onto a filing cabinet)
Deep Ones, huh? I knew this job was going to kill me.

 

SSJRUSS:
(Grabbing a rolling chair for balance)
If it makes you feel better, you’re probably not getting a bad performance review this quarter.

 

One of the Deep Ones lunges at a floating desk, ripping it apart. Papers scatter into the flood, and the creature lets out a roar that was certainly not human.

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
(Panicking, gripping a keyboard like a weapon)
We need a plan! Someone call Fox!

 

IKA:
(Balancing precariously on a cubicle wall, unbothered)
Fox quit the minute I became acting CEO. Said something about “unreasonable liability.”

 

The camera pans to Tarzan, perched atop an overturned bookshelf. His silhouette cuts an imposing figure against the flickering lights and chaos. He surveys the room like a predator, knife gleaming in one hand and a bazooka in the other.

SSJRUSS:
(Pointing at Tarzan)
Wait. Is that Tarzan with a bazooka?

 

IKA:
(Grinning smugly)
And this is why I added the flair.

 

Tarzan swings down on a makeshift vine (where did that come from???) and lands between the employees and the seven Deep Ones standing before them, hungry and wild.

 

TARZAN:
(To the employees)
Stay behind me. These creatures are relentless.

 

DSKILLZ
(Clutching his stapler)
I hope you're on speaking terms with some crocodiles.

 

JOHNNYCHANY:
(Panicking)
We’re going to die. We’re going to die in the dumbest way possible.

 

A Deep One charges toward the group, its claws slicing through the air. Tarzan sidesteps gracefully countering with his loaded bazooka.

 

IKA:
(Pulling out his phone, filming)
This is going viral. Guaranteed.

 

FADE OUT:

 

So this is Tarzan (with a knife and loaded bazooka (one round)) versus seven inhumanly strong, hungry Deep Ones. Tarzan must kill all the Deep Ones and help the employees escape to win this match.

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Tarzan
Read more about Tarzan at Wikipedia
Official Site: Edgar Rice Burroughs, Inc. Links: Wiki entry comic-book-and-strip-service tarzan.org

The Deep Ones
Read more about The Deep Ones at Wikipedia
Official Site: H.P. Lovecraft Links: Wikipedia Wikipedia- The Shadow over Innsmouth Lovecraft Wiki- The Deep Ones

[SSJRuss]

For Deep One context - https://vsbattles.fandom.com/wiki/Deep_Ones

Also, for those wondering, I've done a few of these in the past. Not necessarily a continuation, but in the same "universe". If you like this, I can link the others.

[IKA]

I love your interpretation of me lol.

Man I wish I could make cbub battles come to life, maybe that's the next step for CBUB. Simulation is too expensive though so I'll just dress you guys up as monsters and make you fight. 

 

Definitley a creative story. 

[Macklemore]

I like this. I think one, two, maybe even three Deep Ones is a good fight for Tarzan, but seven is pushing it. Maybe if he gets lucky and gets all of them in one bazooka blast (which I doubt). I love the set up, but I will have to give this to the Deep Ones unfortunately. Sorry Tarzan.