Tournament - Deadpool vs. Gamora

[ThePhenomenalOne]

“Now, I already know what you’re thinking. Here comes this douchebag with another match involving me. Lack of creativity, the crippling weight that his work puts on him, being a dad to 3 boys, preparing one of those assholes for college, and the list goes on. It’s none of those things. These guy had all day off to do something about this. He decided to play basketball, get high, and watch movies all day. He already feels like a sarcastic asshole and he’s seen my movies more times than should be admitted. Let’s see where this asshole takes us.” Deadpool says staring directly at you through your screen

 

Deep in space, Starlord and the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy are hanging out on the ship.

“Gamora, you don’t think I’m that stupid, do you?” Quill asks

“I think you take unnecessary missions that benefit your own agenda.” Gamora quips back

“I only do what is best for this team and best for this galaxy!” Quill says

“What about that time we went to Omicron Persei 8?” Nebula speaks up

“Oh come on! Everyone made out on that deal and had a great time!” Quill says rubbing the back of his head

“Their emperor tried to eat me!” Rocket screams at Quill

“You were kind of asking for it the way you mocked his speech” Quill rebuts

“I’d rather listen to Drax read a book than have to sit through that nonsense.” Rocket replies

“Books are for wimps and nerds. I read with my blades” Drax chimes in

“What about that time you answered a ‘distress signal’ that ended up being nothing. Yet somehow it took us to the planet that’s made up of chocolate?” Gamora says

“That was pure coincidence! Everyone had a blast! Free chocolate!” Quill says

“I don’t eat any food, especially chocolate, Mantis choked on some, and we had to wait for Drax to pass out to get him on the ship because he ate so much chocolate.” Nebula says

“You’re being a Debbie Downer. Why do you hate fun so much?” Quill asks

“I’M FUN!” Nebula screams

“Ok, you’re fun, sorry. How about you choose the next distress signal we go to.” Quill says

“I wanna choose!” Drax butts in

“We’re not going back to that chocolate planet! I’m choosing the next place.” Nebula says

They all walk over to the computer and start going through multiple distress signals.

“There’s actually a distress signal coming from Earth. We’re going to Earth. I want to go to Earth.” Nebula says

“We get it, you want to go to Earth. Fine, whatever, let’s go to stupid Earth.” Quill says as he sets his coordinates

 

X-Force is hanging out in Wade’s apartment. They’re having a birthday party for Peter.

“I can’t believe my big guy is another year older!” Deadpool says as he rubs Peter’s head

“Yeah, another trip around the sun!” Peter says with a big smile

“You’re so damn cute” Deadpool says as he squishes Peter’s cheeks

The doorbell rings. Deadpool goes to answer the door and is greeted by Colussus, Nega-Sonic, and Yukio.

“Yay! My other friends are here!” Deadpool says excitedly

“We are happy to come” Colussus says

“That’s what she said! HA!” Deadpool says as he tried to give Nega-sonic a high five. She just gives him a death stare and he looks over to a smiling Yukio

“Hi Yukio!” Deadpool says excitingly

“Hi Wade!” Yukio returns the enthusiasm

“There’s pizza, chips, beer, and some Columbian bambam in there. Help yourselves!” Deadpool says as he leads his guests into the party. Wade goes and sits on the couch next to blind Al. As he sits beside her he immediately puts up his middle finger to her face.

“So, are you having a good time?” Deadpool sarcastically yells.

“Damnit, stop your yelling! I’m not deaf, dumbass. And get that damn finger out of my face!” Blind Al says

“How did you know it was there?” Deadpool asks

“It smells like ass” Blind Al replies “This party blows. Speaking of blow, you want to build a snowman?” She asks

Deadpool smells his finger, gets grossed out and answers “I can’t, I want to stay here for Peter. I don’t need to be in a room with you for 5 hours discussing the best Pink Floyd album.”

“It’s Darkside of the Moon and you suck!” Blind Al says

“It’s The Wall! I don’t have time to get into this again. Take Zeitguist in your room. Just don’t share a bill with him. Gotta go mingle. Toodles” Deadpool says as he gets up

“Hey Shatterstar, there’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you. What are the alien women on your planet like? Feisty, freaky, 3 boobs? What’s the deal with them” Deadpool inquires

“I’m gay” Shatterstar replies

“Good for you! Not a lot of help for me, but happy you’re loud and proud! Do you have any cool alien hardware or technology that’s cool?” Deadpool asks

“I have a bunch of stuff. Check this out.” Shatterstar says as he pulls out a little thing that looks like a keychain

“That looks stupid.” Deadpool says

“This is something that was given to me on my homeworld before I left. If my life is ever in serious danger, I press this button, and it sends out a distress signal throughout the galaxy” Shatterstar says

 

“We’re going to take a quick timeout here. You starting to see how this jackass is trying to make us meet up? It took some stretching but his stoned ass thinks it’s genius. I personally would’ve gone a different route, but I’m going to watch this dumpster fire playout. There’s only an hour left. Let’s see how this guy pull the rest of the story out of his ass. This right here is just to take up time while he sits there thinks up the next part. Let’s get back to the action!” Deadpool says to all of you reading this abomination

 

 

“So if I press that button, some super aliens are going to come here and save us?” Deadpool asks

“That is correct.” Shatterstar says

Deadpool yanks it out of his hand and is about to press the button. “This is a perfect surprise for Peter’s party! I press this and more super cool aliens come here! Hopefully some are chicks and we can get Big Pete an alien lap dance. Hopefully she has 3 boobs!” Deadpool says as he rapidly pushes the button multiple times.

 

“The call is coming from inside that apartment building. This is the distress signal you answered? At least mine were cool. It’s probably just some old lady that fell in her bathtub.” Quill says

“You were the one who told me to choose! It’s our duty to help those in need.” Nebula snaps at Quill

“I am Groot.” Groot says

“He’s right, it would be cool if it was a party.” Rocket says

“Let’s just get this over with.” Gamora says

The crew park their spaceship and walk into the building. They follow the signal to Deadpool’s apartment. They knock on the door. Peter gets up to answer the door. He’s greeted by a giant tree, a blue mechanical woman, a green woman, an enormous gray being with tattoos, a raccoon with a gun, an alien with weird things hanging out of her forehead, and a regular guy wearing a mask.

He screams at the top of his lungs and slams the door. “Wade! There are aliens at the door!” Peter screams

“No way! It worked! That’s so awesome! Don’t be scared sugar bear! These are surprises for you! These are Super aliens who come and help people! And I’m hoping there are some hot alien chicks and you can get a lapdance!” Deadpool says as he rushes to the door

 

“Wow! It worked! You all look so awesome! Hello, I’m Deadpool and I’d love for all of you to come hang out at this party.” Deadpool says

“I am Groot!” Groot says

“What in the fuck did that tree just call me?” Deadpool says

“You’re right, it was a party.” Rocket says

“Sorry, Deadpoop? We’re the Guardians of the Galaxy. Those distress signals are not toys” Starlord says

“Deadpoop, ha, funny. Bitches of the, I mean Guardians of the Galaxy huh? Too good to hang out with the small time heroes.” Deadpool says

“Quill, we might as well go in and eat, we’re starving.” Rocket says

“I’m not hungry.” Nebula says

“We know!” they all say in unison

“We also have cocaine.” Deadpool says

“I love cocaine.” Drax says

“You look like you would.” Deadpool replies

“He doesn’t know what cocaine is.” Gamora says

“We’ll come in for some cocaine and food and then we’re leaving.” Quill says

“Great! Come on in!” Deadpool says

“What’s cocaine?” Quill whispers They all shrug their shoulders

“Maybe its fancy food.” Mantis replies

The Guardians of the Galaxy walk into Wade’s apartment where they are greeted my the X-Force and some members of the X-Men. They all start making small talk and enjoy some pizza. Music gets turned up and the beer and liquor start flowing. Drax starts eyeing up Colussus.

“I can take him.” Drax whispers to Quill

“Take who? We’re not taking anyone.” Quill says

“The giant metal man. He looks strong. I’m stronger.” Drax says

“I’m sure you are but we’re not going to find out here.” Quill says

“Metal Man! Let’s arm wrestle!” Drax says as he walks towards colossus

“This is happy place. No need to show displays of strength.” Colussus says

“You’re a chicken. Just admit I’m stronger than you.” Drax says

“Don’t take that shit from him! Show his ass how we do it here on Mother Earth big guy!” Deadpool says as he slaps Colussus on his ass

“Fine. I only do this to shut him up.” Colussus huffs

The 2 are on opposite ends of the table. Drax and Colussus lock hands. Drax screams at Colussus as he puts all of his might into pushing his arm down. Colussus is surprised at his strength but not worried at all. He smiles at Drax and then forcefully puts down Drax’s arm and is victorious!

“Guardians of the Galaxy my ass! Your strong guy just got his ass whooped by our strong guy” Deadpool says directly at Quill

“What the hell are you trying to say? That your team is better than mine?” Quill puffs his chest

“I’m just saying, it looks like we could kick your butts easily. We are the X-Force. We have badasses. You have some hot chicks, a walking stick,a rat, a big dumb guy, and just a normal looking man. We’ve got you beat babe.” Deadpool says as he winks at Quill

“Who the hell are you calling a rat?” Rocket says as he reaches for his gun

Domino is a step ahead and pulls her twin uzis out before Rocket can get his out. “Looks like he just did.” Domino says

“I am Groot!” Groot says defiantly as his arm takes the form of an ax.

“You need to watch who you’re talking to.” Nebula says as she snuck behind Domino and has a gun to her head

“Whoa! This has gone on long enough! We’re both good guys! We don’t need to resort to violence. It was just witty banter!” Deadpool says

“Kill them all!” Drax says as he dives for Deadpool. He’s stopped midair by Colussus and thrown into the wall. Others take position and get ready for battle. Quill tries to punch Deadpool who easily dodges it and goes to kick Quill in the head. His foot is caught in mid air my Gamora and throws Deadpool into the wall.

 

“That’s it! We’re not ruining this party! But we are going to settle this. Leader vs leader! One on one fight. Mano a mano! Winner gets bragging rights and no one else can jump in. Afterwards, I’ll help you up, get you a beer, and we can go do some cocaine.” Deadpool say

“That’s fine with me! Let’s go out-“ Before Quill can finish his sentence he is interrupted by Gamora.

“I’m sick of this. I’m dealing with this asshole and then we’re leaving.” Gamora says

“But I want to-“

“No, I’m fighting and that’s it.” Gamora says

“That’s fine. Let your girl fight your battle for you. That’s manly. Lets go then you strangely attractive green goddess.”  Deadpool says

“There’s an open parking lot next door. Let’s do this.” Deadpool says as he leads everyone outside.

 

SO here is my match! Deadpool vs Gamora in an open parking lot with just their blades and fists! No guns! No outside interference. Both MCU versions. Def could’ve done more with this match and felt this was a cool twist instead of having Deadpool vs Starlord. I hope yinz enjoy this match and good luck to my opponent, Culwych!  Let me know what yinz think!

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Deadpool
Read more about Deadpool at Wikipedia
Official Site: Marvel Comics Links: Wikipedia Entry - Deadpool Marvel Directory Entry Marvel Database Entry

Gamora
Read more about Gamora at Wikipedia
Official Site: Marvel Entertainment Links: Wikipedia Comic Vine Marvel.com

[DSkillz]

Good, funny tourney entry, ThePhenomenalOne. I really hope more people comment on and grade this match. 

As I mentioned in another Deadpool match, my main experience with Wade is from a comic issue and a couple of fanfics, and it looks like he's right in-character here, fourth-wall breaking and all. Not real familiar with the Guardians (Man, I gotta start dipping more into the MCU 😅), but from what I've seen from the films' trailers, they seem like an entertaining group. My main issue with the match was that the tense of the story switched up in spots. 

As for the match, from what I've looked up on Gamora, she may not have a particularly hard time with Deadpool, even despite his teleporting. I think she teaches Wade a lesson, but he won't shut up regardless, and the party will go on.  

[JohnnyChany]

An amusing tournament entry, PhenomenalOne.  Although she may not be able to kill him, I think Gamora can incapacitate Wade and win the faceoff. MCU version isn't as strong as the comics version, but she is still considered the deadliest woman in the galaxy.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
5.00 - Yazmal
4.60 - DSkillz
4.50 - JohnnyChany

FPA Calculation:
3 Total Votes cast
14.10 Total Combined Score
14.10 / 3 = 4.70 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Deadpool: 1
Gamora: 3